AIBU to be totally pissed with for sending horrible messages about me to his gamer friends?

[Sophie9090]

Hi

I’m really upset with my DH but I’m worried I’m overreacting. Please help!

DH can get addicted to gaming, it’s been an issue throughout our 13 years together, it happens in phases though. He went through a phase of being addicted to an online game, he had to play it every evening and we weren’t spending time together, it made me feel really lonely and unwanted I explained this to him many times, but it always ended up in an argument. His PC used to be in our bedroom when we lived in four flat, and he would play late at night whilst I was sleeping, it was effecting my sleeping so bad, hearing his keyboard And I would have work early, BUT I didn’t moan until he would start talking to people on the game, it would wake me up, I was pregnant and had work the next day, he would do this multiple times.

Anyway he stopped playing it when our son arrived because he had no time to play.

The other day I was using to PC and a message came up saying “is you’re wife still being controlling”, so naturally I checked the messages, and there were loads of messages from my husband bitching about me, things like “I’m watching a shit film with the wife, I can’t come online, would rather be playing online though” , paragraphs saying I am ruining his personal life, calling me a bitch, just loads of messages saying he would rather be online that he hanging out with me.

I feel really hurt and almost like I don’t know him now. I understand gaming can be an addiction and I’ve always tried to encourage him to have time on his PC, but he takes the absolute piss; our marriage has almost ended so many times because of this. But I never thought he Would talk about me to strangers like that, I genuinely love my own company I don’t expect him to spend all his free time with me, but I don’t expect to spend all my free time alone.

anyway the gaming has stopped mostly because we’re so busy with our son, but the messages really upset me! I’ve confronted him and he’s apologised but I don’t believe it’s sincere. I know I can’t end my marriage over these messages but I also just don’t want to talk to him.

@AnxietyLevelMax
He stopped his wife sleeping
He called her a bitch

She’s putting up with his disrespectful ways by staying with a man who clearly has no consideration for her

does he have any redeeming features?

I didnt get that part of stopping his wife sleeping.

he did call her bitch, to a stranger, online, horrible i get that and shouldn’t be swiped under the carpet but come on. Base on her post and him calling her a bitch, people advise her to divorce!? This is someone’s life, marriage. No one is there to see both sides, to know how does their life look like on daily basis but yet it seems to be always first advice to leave and divorce.
calling name happens and from my understanding it might have been in heat of a moment and just a low form of releasing anger, but we are all humans. Its really not end of the world to advise someone to leave! People should be careful with all this advices here

He’s not acted like much of a partner

Calling someone a name doesn’t just happen, it was typed into a keyboard so not in an argument, not heat of the moment, casual disrespectful language about his wife used to impress his loser friends online.

I wouldn’t stay with someone who didn’t act like they care about me, didn’t prioritise me and said nasty things behind my back - if you would then raise your bar

I dont need to raise my bar. It is where it should be.