Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

It should be wedding reception and evening do everywhere because that’s my culture. 🙄

@Lola4321

No, you don't. You don't have an 'evening do' for second tier guests. That is so very rude. You invite them to the wedding reception (singular). You have the wedding, and then the reception, and that's what they're invited to.

You don't / do all the things you've listed there at your own wedding.

You don't get to tell other people the rules they have to follow for their own.

You can vote with your feet and not go if you don't want to go, but you don't get to set an arbitrary list of rules.

Surely the fact loads of people have said they wouldn't care or be offended by this means that you can at least see your view isn't the absolute norm you think?

Again I don't know what generation you are but I'm mid thirties and don't know anyone who would think of this as a matter of 'solidarity and decency'.

They'd just go if they wanted to or not go if they didn't 🤷🏻‍♀️

They certainly wouldn't expect their partner to miss the wedding of their best friend, who they've known since childhood, to prove a point.

I think this might come down to generational differences.

To have people that you’re not as close to and possibly don’t have capacity for or can’t afford to have at the whole day come along and celebrate your wedding day with you. Even if only in part.

All these guestzillas expect the bride and groom to think of others first - it's their special day, they can do what they bloody well like! OP would you really invite someone you've never met to watch you get married, just to stop them having to spend a few hours entertaining themselves without their partner?

Funny. In Ireland it’s very common and that’s not in the uk either.

I probably wouldn't go as an evening only guest, let alone when my dh has been there all day.

When attending a wedding incurs a substantial cost for guests, I do think it unreasonable to invite couples to different parts of the wedding.

We didn't have evening guests at our wedding so I'm not up on the official etiquette.

😂😂 this is not breathtakingly rude. It’s not even remotely rude.

Literally they’re inviting her to the party as opposed to the whole day. Anyone who gets their knickers in a twist about that needs to get a bit of perspective and realise that the world doesn’t revolve around them.

You seriously think that everyone else in the world holds the same frankly bizarre views on how English weddings work?

I don’t think it’s especially bitchy and it might explain a lot. Does the OP not think it’s odd that she has never met her committed boyfriend’s best friend? There have been minimal or zero restrictions on meeting up for over a year. Do the bride and groom know how long OP and bf together and how serious they are?

That’s actually such a disgusting comparison and not at all correct. What a way to minimise an actual problem in the world.

@Lola4321

The point is there should only be one wedding reception. Like most of the rest of the world does. Not two.

Why are you speaking as if you have the authority to decide what 'should' and 'shouldn't' be a rule when it comes to other people's wedding itineraries? It's utterly bizarre.

It's a very normal way of weddings working in the UK that most people are used to, especially now. If it doesn't work for someone invited, they can simply decline the invite.

But having the staggering level of self importance to give it much more headspace than that, let alone think a whole country should adhere to the rules "most of the rest of the world does" is baffling,

Are you this dramatic and serious about everything? Must be exhausting.

My DS is having a lady to his evening do. So you’re wrong. As in Lady so and so.

shes coming on her own as far as I know as she’s a widow.

😂😂 fuck me. I’ve only been on the thread for five minutes and inviting extra people to join you for a party is already being compared to a caste system and racial segregation. Honestly you couldn’t make this shit up. 😂😂. Actually you could make it up if you were a troll visiting from Reddit to whip mumnetters up into a frenzy.

But that's weird. Why invite people you're not close to? Here we only invite close friends and family, not colleagues, the postman, and half the street.

So then you wouldn't have invited OP as she isn't a close friend nor family. She's just a friends girlfriend.

ds is having immediate family and his best friends only to his wedding. His other friends (outside of his groomsman) and further out relations are invited to the evening do.

this is due to restriction on numbers at the wedding venue and a complicated family situation on both sides which makes it simpler for them.

He is not, as far as I know, inviting the postman.

The reception is supposed to be the party. And weddings shouldn't be a 'whole day' affair. Here they're around 3pm/4pm, then reception.

Yes in Australia where you are. Not every country will follow the same.