Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

Book into a nice hotel with a spa attached, spend the day pampering yourself and enjoy the area. It is nice that they invited you to the evening event as you have never met them. It is so expensive to put on a wedding now.

Oh dear. Culturally things are different in different countries. Who knew.

This.

We had a very similar invite a few years back, before we were married but we’d been together a while and were living together. DH was invited to a wedding, I wasn’t included on the invite but they contacted DH separately to say I was welcome to come in the evening.

DH went, I didn’t.

People are really overselling it as some kind of golden opportunity to explore the untold delights of a city an hour away followed by an evening of champagne and revelry.
In reality it’s just a bit odd and awkward. I am beyond happy in my own company and not a bit bothered about spending a day exploring alone, but would rather do it to
my own plan and schedule and not have to then think about getting to a venue where I don’t know anyone apart from my own partner, and most of them will already be pissed.

I just saw it as a weekend to get on with my own stuff and see my own friends.

I wasn’t offended but I didn’t feel obliged to make the effort in those circumstances. I’ve never really been to a wedding that didn’t have evening guests and don’t think the concept of asking guests to the evening reception only is inherently terrible, but I do think splitting partners like that is a bit odd.

@Lola4321

In most countries, that is called the reception. And there is only one reception. Not an expensive meal, then a reception/evening do.

But if OP is in the UK, what relevance does that have at all?

Traditional Hindu weddings are three days long. Are they 'breathtakingly rude' to expect three days of people's time rather than one? Of course not, because different cultures, religions and countries have different traditions and norms, some of which evolve over time.

Here in the UK and Ireland it's not unusual at all, in fact it is now the norm for younger couples, to have an evening do after the traditional reception.

Here we only invite close friends and family, not colleagues, the postman, and half the street.

By this token OP wouldn't have got an invite at all then, as they've never met...

OK <winks and taps side of nose>

@Lola4321 It is about the UK's archaic regressive class caste system.

Is it though? Or is it about not having to have someone’s flavour of the month or a coworker there for your intimate vows or having to buy them dinner on your wedding day?

You don’t have a human right to be wined and dined at someone else’s wedding. Literally nothing to do with a class system. You have to be a troll, your argument doesn’t even make sense.

Does your boyfriend want to go on his own?

What are your views on the cultures that have weddings spread over multiple days?

My friendship group invite friends all day and significant others at night. This is the case whether us a new relationship or a married couple. I really don't see the issue of their invite. You either go with your DP and have a day to your self before meeting up at the wedding or you don't go.

Why on earth would there be any drama/fall outs? You either go and have a lovely time meeting new people or you don't. Your DP definitely should not be having a chat with his friend!

Their wedding so they decide the guest list, it's not a reflection on their thoughts about your relationship, they've never met you and all-day guests are expensive.

@AliasGrape - I don't think anyone is saying she has to go. Just that if she decides to, spending an afternoon on your own is not a major drama. If that's going to ruin her entire weekend, she can do something else instead.

For the reasons I already explained.

No, I would have invited her as a couple, because she is half of a couple. So she would be at the reception. The actual reception. That both, together, would be invited to.

Okay so you do invite people you're not close to.

Never did it. Sorry to disappoint.

I was thinking the same. A UK town centre with coffee shop chains, a Superdrug and an Aldi. They're probably staying at a Travelodge. With no spa.

I'd decline.

Your boyfriend's best friend can't invite his best mates gf to the whole wedding, seriously?

If you can pick a hotel with a pool and a spa, stock up on magazines and have a day to yourself.

Or go explore for a few hours, have a nice lunch and meet up with your other half for the evening.

Weddings are a nightmare, aren't they? You're feeling a bit excluded because you're on the B list, so maybe it's best not to go.
Just have a day to yourself at home.

Go and spend the day in the city but your bf should probs pay for the hotel as its for his friend and you're left with the costs of entertaining yourself for the day.

I had this happen when first dating my now husband and I went. He wasn't impressed with his mate and they ended up drifting but I wasn't going to be that gf who kicked up any fuss when tbh I understood why they wouldn't want me taking up a place in the church and at dinner when they didn't know me.