Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

Oh yes, exacly the same thing, I can"t belive my stupidity in not realising the racial parallels

It’s not at all the same. It’s a way of including the op and getting to know her.

Do you live together? Either way, don't be that girlfriend! Accept the invite graciously and come later to the evening do. You're just feeling insecure that they don't see the relationship in the same way as you do but hardly surprising if they haven't met you in the 2.5 years! You really also can't blame covid because you could meet outside for a long time and we've been back to normal for a year!!!!

@Lola4321

Inviting a couple as a couple, but asking half of the couple to walk around outside for 7 hours while the other half is inside, is mental and so rude and disrespectul.

Except that isn't what's happened is it? They didn't say she needed to do that. At all. They've given her the option of coming along for a fun evening with everyone. She doesn't have to accept and she certainly hasn't been asked to "walk around outside for 7 hours" has she? If she did want to attend the evening, could chill at the hotel, book one with a nice spa etc, or she could simply decline and not attend.

The mental bit to me when it comes to your response isn't that you wouldn't want to go, as that's completely your prerogative (obviously) and horses for courses etc, it was the fact that you wouldn't see your partner as showing solidarity and decency unless he turned down going to his best friend's wedding unless you got a full day invite despite never having me them.

I'm not even being snarky there, it's utterly bizarre to me that someone would think that but as I say horses for courses and all that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have to admit, I do think it is monumentally rude to split a couple up into 1st tier and 2nd tier - it just is.

But - the OP’s situation is, surely, really unusual.

To have never met her DP’s best friend since childhood in 2.5 years of being together is just really odd. Especially if they’re only just over an hour away………

you do. By inviting them to the evening do.

the op hasn’t made much effort to get to know them in 2.5 years she hasn’t met them. Why should she get an all day invite? She’s been rude in not making the effort to get to know them when they’re only an hour away.

Jesus!

I can see a couple trying to figure out how to invite as many people as they can afford to the wedding breakfast and to include as many people as possible in the day itself. I'm not sure Rosa Parks crossed their minds.

@RenegadeMatron I agree. It’s really rude what they have done.
OP I’d decline the invitation. If your boyfriend is really a close friend and want him there, why would they want to exclude his serious partner for the main event?

It’s bizarre to me that you wouldn’t be ok with it.

👏🏼

@Lola4321

So why even bother asking you to go then, if they are going to say 'oh but walk around for 7 hours and come later on'. What's the point then?

Where are you getting the 'walking around for seven hours' that you keep repeating? Especially when OP has clearly said they'd have a hotel so a 'base' for the time there.

What's the point? The point would be that that particular poster wanted to go to the evening so did so. They don't need to meet a 'point' justification that is acceptable to you.

I would also much rather just go to the evening, personally, because everyone is different. You wouldn't want to go to any of it unless invited to all of it, fine, but you said you'd expect your partner to miss his best friends wedding if you made that choice. Bizarre. And a selfish expectation.

It's a bit like saying whites at the front of the bus, POC at the back, imo.

You just compared a run of the mill wedding 'dilemma' to racism and the civil rights movement.

Not only ridiculously hyperbolic, more importantly offensive.

I can't believe you made that comparison. Fuck me.

I’m in the uk. Every wedding I’ve ever been to has had an evening do.

I think it is rude to split invitations but that's personal opinion.

I also think your boyfriend may be disappointed, but who knows.

If you go it really should be your boyfriend who pays for the costs of attending as you are going as his guest.

If you aren't pushed about going, leave him to go on his own but don't make a fuss, just say you aren't bothered and will make your own plans for that weekend.

Would it be a good weekend to make plans with your friends?

As some others have said the couple are exceptionally rude to only invite one half of an established couple to the ceremony. What horrible manners they have!

A wdding reception in England isn't a geing to know someone situation for the bride, she's not going to be making small talk with a woman she's never met before. At least in the evening there might be time for that

It's not usually two separate events, it's a continous thing with some guests arriving in the evening but understandable that posters in other countries don't know that.

It’s not two wedding receptions. It’s the wedding reception and the evening do. It’s two different things.

I think it's quite odd and a bit rude to have split the invite too but I can only assume you are all quite young and money is more of an issue. I would have no problem with turning up on my own now but I suspect in my early 20's I would have been far too anxious to arrive at a wedding alone. Nothing much you can do about it though as it's not your wedding. And as they are your partners good friends I think you do probably need to go along to the evening and show your face. It might have been nice to have met them beforehand really, is that an option?

It isn’t a two their caste system or racial segregation.

The boyfriend is going to the wedding breakfast which is the meal after the wedding. This is likely to be far more expensive than the wedding reception.

*tier