Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

Hi OP, we had similar situations before we were married as a few of DH's friends used 'no ring, no bring' as a rule for cutting down wedding invites. Understandable when each guest could be costing the couple around £100, but still disappointing for you - particularly if you and your boyfriend had assumed you'd be going together and had been looking forward to it.
I completely echo previous posters who say just enjoy the time to yourself - read a book, watch a film, go to the hairdressers, do a city bus tour, go to a gallery, etc. I would pay very good money for that sort of enforced leisure time 😊

@Lola4321 so I have no self respect because I do stuff without my partner? Wow.

A ‘brilliant day of sightseeing’ - just a reminder that it’s an hour (or just over) from where the OP lives - not Barcelona / Paris / Milan!

Did it occur to you that some people have busy weekends with plans and friends, and that the OP may have to miss out on other weekend activities in order to hang around waiting for her ‘part invite’?! Some of us have to prioritise our time and saying I wouldn’t prioritise this doesn’t mean I’m serious or dull, quite the opposite! My diary is too busy to waste time hanging around while my boyfriend goes to the event! I wouldn’t be in a strop or anything, I’d just say no thanks and get on with other activities for the weekend.

@Lola4321

I don't know my boyfriend (husband) would refuse to go if we were split up and treated with such disrespect. I would do the same for him. It's called solidarity and decency.

Mate, it's one daytime apart followed by a nice evening together where she can meet all his friends and have fun.

Unless they wrote "not the day though, you cunt" on OP's invitation, calling it disrespect and saying her partner attending wouldn't show solidarity or decency is absolutely mental.

It's more strange to me that she hasn't met them until now despite only living an hour away but each to their own.

The wedding thing though wouldn't be an issue for almost every person of my age I know. I'm mid thirties, I wonder if it's a generational thing but obviously I don't know what age you are, so perhaps may be unrelated to that of course.

I find daytime receptions quite boring, if I’d been invited to one and my husband had only been invited to the evening I’d decline the day invite and just go to the evening with him.

We didn’t want, or have, a daytime reception- we had a meal with parents, siblings abs the friends that had been our witnesses, then a big evening reception with a really great buffet that everyone could come to without restrictions.

There you go I quoted it for you.

what about not trailing to an event with my oh means I need to raise my standards and don’t have assertiveness or self respect?

I have a busy life. I wouldn’t take a day off on leave for a wedding of a mate of my oh who I haven’t met. I’d certainly go to an evening do.

I don't think Lola has quite the rest of the world's perception of equality in Oz

But maybe we're all wrong to be living our lives indepedantly of men.

They’re not being invited that way though. They don’t know the op and they are reaching out to her by having her invited to the evening do.

I don’t go to loads of stuff my oh goes to. And same with him and stuff I go to. That’s normal, surely?

I would take several hours in a new city (shopping, lunch, museums) over a day at someone i don't knows wedding. As a 39 year old i really don't want to be at a wedding unless its the wedding of a very good friend.

Also I know planning a wedding can be so stressful, so many people to invite etc. Im sure if they knew you they have you there in a heartbeat :)

Not sure what the problem is

Pick a decent hotel. Explore/ have lunch. get your hair blow dried or put up. Shopping or gallery?

@wellhelloitsme

"Not the day though you cunt"

Too funny.

I think it might be a generational thing. Just go along to the evening and enjoy it. Sometimes awkward turning up half way through a party so have a couple of drinks in the hotel bar beforehand (if ladies are allowed to drink alone in bars these days)

It's perfectly reasonable not to invite people you haven't met to a wedding service and reception.

Enjoy some time exploring and getting ready.

I didn’t say I’d walk around all day. I said I’d probably stay at home doing my own thing for the day and go later. It’s an hour away.

Its nothing like segregation.

It's a bit like saying whites at the front of the bus, POC at the back, imo.

Oh, you were doing so well. You’ve blown it here though.

@Lola4321

Comparing an evening only wedding invitation to segregation is one of the most batshit crazy things I've seen on MN.

What do you mean?

i have to live independently of my “man”.

I think it's odd and rude to have split invitations.

However Presumably the hotel room costs the same regardless if there are one or two people in it, so I would go and check in as early as possible and try to get one with pool and other facilities. It's just one afternoon and I don't think you have DCs to worry about ( correct me if I'm wrong).

Be charming and pleasant to the couple getting married, but if you and your DP have separate finances then he should be paying for the hotel room,travel ( as he would have needed to go anyway) and I'd contribute to the gift what I'd normally put in for an evening invite (£20).