Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

Ummm LoL. Aus has a class system and everyone is not treated the same

Sorry I don't understand the question?

This is also nothing to do with the class system. People invite some people to the evening only depending on how well they know them, not what class they are.

You'll all be relieved to know DS isn't inviting the postman. "Wtf mum. No." Was his reply when I asked.

That’s so strange of them. I wouldn’t go.

@rookiemere I'm wondering why the tight budget is relevant to splitting the invite? Surely the associated costs are similar or the same regardless if OP attends just the evening or the full day? Suggestions of treatments or hair appointments were just that - she could quite easily read a book and go for a stroll for free if money is a problem

I think that the reception usually has a sit down meal, the evening is just a very limited buffet, so much cheaper?
I've known people invite 50 for the evening, a pay bar and just nibbles. Low cost.

7 hours exploring a new city sounds great to me! Nice lunch, look in the shops, wander any points of interest and then back to the hotel to get ready,

Otherwise, as it's not hours and hours away, could you stay at home and get a train later in the day to join the evening do?

@Maireas ah I think I misread the post. I thought the poster saying it was crass was implying the attending couple with a split invite might be on a budget. I realise now they probably mean the couple getting married

There's another thread that's similar to this one. Maybe it's because wedding etiquette has changed since I got married (early '90s) but I don't understand inviting one person from a couple. So it's a YANBU from me. However, I wouldn't challenge it in this case and would explore the city and go in the evening, as many posters have suggested.

Because it is perfectly normal in the UK (and Ireland as a PP has attested) to want to invite more people along for the more casual bit of the day. Because hopefully they will enjoy a drink and a dance.

Some people you just can't fit into a venue with numbers restricted for seating but there are more people you know well enough to want to have a drink with later.

It just isn't a big deal. I know it seems strange to you but in this country it really isn't.

If you don't know them well enough to have them for the full thing, why even invite them?

Because that's what is normal, here, in the UK. To invite partners of people you are close to where funds and space allow.

In Cyprus when you go to get your mail from the PO Box you might find 2 or 3 invites to the weddings of complete strangers. That is normal there. What is normal varies and doesn't mean it's wrong just because it's different!

Your post made me chuckle 😅

Australia, where everyone is treated the same and there is not caste system like the 20th century UK. Thankfully

Nah, you’ve shit it here.

everyone is definitely not treated the same in Australia. I’ve been a few times and the undercurrent of racism and sexism is very uncomfortable. There is a clear and shared perspective of different groups of people across the place. It might not be referred to as ‘class’ but it’s absolutely the same thing.

I mean pretty much everything you’ve said is clearly nonsense and designed to get under people’s skin but you’ve gone too far as this is just a total lie. The trick to being a successful GF is to be just on the edge of believable.

She'll have to get changed and they'll need to stay over.

You won't explore a town dressed for a wedding.

Oh yes, I think it's the couple getting married.

She'll have to get changed and they'll need to stay over.

It was stated in her OP that they'd be booking a hotel so no issue there

Australia isn't racist towards Indigenous people? I've heard it all now.

Personally I'd leave DH to have a nice time with his friends unless it was a city I desperately wanted to visit. But I'm not a fan of weddings.

I wouldn't feel put out by not being invited to the whole day. Weddings are expensive and you have to make difficult decisions.

Well this thread has jumped the shark….

I’m also new to the evening so only invites… and cash bars. But you know, this is a UK site!

Anyway, what did you decide, OP?

If you feel like you can't leave the hotel for 7 hours, during the daytime... That's concerning.

You could just turn down the invite and let DP go alone. After all, you've never met the friend, so neither you, nor him, are going to care either way. There will be plenty of other opportunities to meet and spend some real time getting to know each other. Although I suspect DP and "friend" aren't all that tight any more. 2.5 years is a long time to have not seen your so-called best friend, unless they literally live the other side of the world. Which I suspect they don't.