Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

Surely that money is already being spent? It will cost the same for petrol, gift and hotel room regardless if one or two go

Could you stay home, your b/f books you both in at hotel, he attends wedding then you get a taxi to the hotel later to meet up with B/F. Probably be cheaper than a lunch out, hair do and nails in unfamiliar surroundings.
Don’t ask him to speak to his friend.

gaslighting doesn’t mean what you think it does.

Also. You’re the insular one insisting weddings across the globe must be done how they are in Australia.

Because most men I know would enjoy the evening do but not the hanging about all day and the service.

Even if you go along with the "caste system" idea, it doesn't bear out, because whilst I might be a priority guest for my sister's wedding, I'd be bottom of the list for a colleague's wedding.

Because these "castes" you spout on about are entirely based on how well you know the couple.

I would be very bored to attend the whole day of a distant acquaintance, but more than happy to attend the evening do and bring some energy to the dance floor.

I really dislike evening only invitations to weddings. It makes guests feel like second class friends. I always decline them. I think it's very strange to have invited a plus one to a different section of the wedding from your partner OP. If it were me, I would decline and let your partner go alone. Presumably he can get a cheaper, smaller hotel room if you don't attend.

Does it hurt carrying those chips on both shoulders?

I’m listening to you @Lola4321

@Daisy0530 how much 'over an hour away' is the venue? Are you talking about an hour and a half or six hours?

Because I live 1.5 hours away from London - 20 minutes drive to the nearest station and an hour and 10 minutes on the train. I regularly go into London to go to the theatre on my own.

If the hotel is only booked so you can get to bed after the reception, why would you even bother going to the hotel? Why don't you just go from home if it's an hour ish away? That way you don't have to explore a town for 7 - 8 hours if you don't want to (personally I'd love it but each to their own).

Or get your DF to say you're going to the evening part of the reception together or let him go alone.

Personally I hate having to make small talk with a bunch of people I've never met for a few hours during a three course meal, whilst my other half reminisces with his mates about stuff I've never been part of. Talk about alone in company. Just going to the evening part for a dance and a few glasses of wine would suit me! A 'oh it's so nice to meet you, love the dress' to the bride and up on the dance floor sounds like bliss compared to sitting through anecdotes about people I've never met.

@Lola4321

I had stopped posting because I could see you (and a couple of others) simply were too arrogant and not willing or utterly unable to open your mind to see from another perspective, you are so insular and simply not worth it.

The absolute irony.

You spent countless posts saying that weddings 'should' and 'shouldn't' be done in certain ways because that's how they are and aren't done in your country. Completely insular and xenophobic at times.

You were unable to open your mind to respect the culture of other countries, the norms in other countries and the choices of other people so weren't worth the bother people went to in explaining what's normal here in the UK.

It wasn't just the fact you kept saying you don't agree with the way things tend to happen here, it was the fact you were literally telling people from the UK things they were telling you aren't true - like the fact that loads of people according to you have second locations / venues for the evening do. Not the case. In my experience or that of other Brits who posted. And yet you keep maintaining it is.

Enjoy your day arguing with people.

It seems the problems is the UK invite colleagues and half the street/neighbourhood, hence needing two receptions, where as we only need the one because only family and actually close friends are invited.
It's not a problem for most people though. It's a problem for you.
It isn't half the street, it's a few extra people usually. Maybe 20 or so? Varies obviously.
Because most people like going out to a party and having a drink and a dance so are happy to do so for a colleague or family friend etc. Because most people like to invite extra people to the bit of the reception (yes, bit of the same same reception not seperate 2nd reception) that is less constrained by numbers as it doesn't require seating for everyone.

Evening invites are fine IMHO for acquaintances such as work colleagues. I happily attended a few evening dos and had a great time and was not insulted by the invite.

Splitting a couple's invite is pretty crass. They may well be young and on a tight budget, so I'd try not to judge too harshly, but it's really not good etiquette.

Don’t be wet, you’ll be fine, occupying yourself for the day. Explore, read, nap, have a lovely lunch, whatever you want. It’ll be fab!

enjoy every minute and book a nice blow dry to help with getting ready for the evening. I’d love this!

You've got the opportunity to A , have eight hours time to yourself with no chores,B, explore a new place,C, time to get ready and look your best and D, chance to meet his best friend.
I really cannot see what is the problem.
go and enjoy yourself,have fun.explore.be happy.🌻

“If you've not managed to meet them because they're an hour away (no real distance imo) in the last 2 years, I'm not surprised that you are not invited to the day part of the day, with the associated costs, for someone they don't know.

As for you not like being on your own in a location an hour away from your home, that sounds really ott. And most people would happily embrace a different location to explore for the day or a pamper session etc in a hotel!

As for suggesting that he only attend the evening, that's incredibly selfish of you to even consider.”

^This. You are a complete stranger to them and I don’t blame them for not inviting you to their wedding.

Oooh that sounds like an ideal set up! You don't know the couple so get to skip out on the bit that only really has meaning if you know them (and avoid the dreaded wait around between service and meal), get time to yourself to explore, sleep, pamper yourself, whatever you want, then join your partner at a free party.

You're right - my perception is just that. As you say it's semantics. Having a small intimate reception and meal followed by a larger party later the same day is simply a good way to celebrate with everyone you'd like to without bankrupting yourself or having to compromise with venue.

A good example is my friends who got married in a hotel that meant a lot to the couple. The ceremony room was fairly small with limited seating, the meal was in a lovely room but with big grand tables that limited numbers similar to the seat capacity of the ceremony. The party room was more spacious due to having typical bar type seating with booths and benches, room for standing and a dance floor meaning not everyone was seated anyway. Inviting unmet plus ones to the earlier parts of the day would have meant no room for someone they actually knew well and were close to so it seemed to me and well to everyone attending, a perfectly fair compromise to have the opportunity to celebrate and include more people by inviting extras to the evening. It doesn't really matter if a few people disagree with what is a standard and common practice for many. It's not 2 receptions in that the layout of the day would have been the same even without the additional guests. They would have still held the evening party if additional guests weren't invited. As a pp said it's all part of the same day

Splitting a couple's invite is pretty crass. They may well be young and on a tight budget, so I'd try not to judge too harshly, but it's really not good etiquette.

Confused how the related costs would differ in either scenario?

Ive just been thinking about all the hassle of weddings, the expense, the outfit, the small talk. Why not invent an excuse not to go at all? That way you get your weekend to do exactly what you like with your mates :)

You won't get to talk to the bridal couple much anyway. Then in a few weeks or months you can plan a proper get together with them and get to know them properly.

As a near 40 year old I really think weddings are so much more hassle than they are worth. Even my own wedding was way more stress than it was worth TBH

Most of us should just save all the money we d spend on the big day and put it away for when we inevitably need couples counselling or just a lovely big holiday.