Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

It won't be 7 or 8 hours anyway, unless they're having a ridiculously long service and reception, it'll probably be more likely 5 or 6 hours, so even if you don't want to wander around the city, you could easily spend that time relaxing in your room, have a long bath, order room service lunch and a nice drink, take snacks and lay around watching t.v/read a book/scroll through phone, get ready , that 5 or 6 hours will pass in no time.

@Lola4321

Considering that many of these 'evening do's are at different places from the first reception (according to many threads on weddings on this site), I think that alone counts as a second reception. Let alone inviting some for the main meal and others to come by later for a bit of some sausage or dessert but no main meal. So on two points, I see it as a second reception.

I haven't personally ever heard of an evening do having taken place at a separate venue to the rest of the reception.

I'm not saying it hasn't ever happened, obviously, but it's far far from the norm and not something I have ever personally heard of and am now mid thirties.

And have always lived in the UK. So probably have a greater understanding of what is and isn't typical here than you do, no?

Can everyone stop engaging with Lola please? They have the hide of a rhino and your pithy counter-argument isn’t going to unpick their esoteric worldview. OP’s thread has been derailed enough.

@Lola4321 hahahahahahahahah

🤣🤣🤣 Jesus Christ!!! 'No man' would agree to this??? Really??? What century are you from??

I'm telling you now...if ANY MAN even HINTED to me that I needed his manly male self to chaperone me ANYWHERE...I'd rip him to shreds!!

I honestly can't imagine how some women get through their life with this archaic patriarchal mindset...it's embarrassing!

FML 🤦‍♀️

My friend got married and the grooms brother was single at the time of planning. He got with a partner a month or so before that my friend had not met and he asked to bring them to the wedding. An invite for the evening was offered which the brother took offence to but the wedding was paid for and at day capacity. The brother brought his partner anyway for the full day and it was all very awkward and embarrassing and resulted in a huge family fall out. Don't be that person
Go to the hotel, have some spa treatments or explore the local area and have a nice lunch, take a book. Why is it 7/8 hours anyway, are they getting married really early?

know how it works. I also know many times the 'evening do's are not at the same place as the orginal reception.

Not usually but if it was necessary for the evening party to be elsewhere due to cost or logistics I don't see how that changes anything? Doesn't magically become a 2nd reception just because it's a longer walk than moving to the next room or different function suite within a venue

If there is limited budget and/or space. You simply only invite those that you can afford/have space for.

Why do you feel you get to dictate this? It's incredibly common for close family and friends only to be at the main part then wider friends that the couple still would love to celebrate with to come to the evening. It's really hard to both afford and find a venues without space to allow everyone to come all day so the is a perfectly good and workable solution

7hrs own time sounds bliss 😂

travel together. He can go to wedding. Uou book into hotel and then arrange for him to meet you outside venue at 7pm/evening reception time so can go in together

tho why if such good friends have you not met them before. Assume uou and bf met Dec 2019/Jan 2020 if been together 2.5yrs

Obv covid hit but tbh the last year since July 19th 2021 uou could have met up for a drink /meal

how far away do they live from you @Daisy0530

I’m in the minority but I agree with you OP; it just doesn’t sit right leaving you out when you’ve been with your boyfriend for two and half years. It seems odd if these two guys are best mates that you have been omitted from the main event, particularly if you live together. I can only think that perhaps your partner’s mate doesn't understand just how strong your relationship is; men can be poor communicators at times and the couple getting married might see you as being relatively ‘new’ if for whatever reason communication has been limited.

@Daisy0530 I think it is a bit harsh not to get invited when you have been a partner for that length of time however I was at a wedding recently and the rule was no plus ones. Only engaged or living together partners were invited.

Thank fuck Australia is at the arse end of the world if this is the calibre of intelligence it's education system is producing.

Bring back Donald Fisher.

I refer you to Ian Botham and Paul Keating in 1992. Not a fan of Botham, but his comment that night was correct.

If it's only an hour or so away send your BF in the morning then you go and join him later. Assume the hotel would just be the night of the evening do.

If it's only an hour away is there really a need to book a hotel? I thought it was going to be 100s of miles away.

My perspective is different because I have three children
8 hours alone in a hotel...
it's the holy grail

If the wedding is only an hour away, is it practical to go from home in the evening? I've had longer commutes to work, and have happily travelled and hour (and back, which you don't have to do) for an evening out.

Please don't ask for a day invitation.

Either politely decline or find a way to enjoy the day by yourself. Is it somewhere nice for sightseeing? Hotel with a pool or even a spa? Could you go into the nearest down, have a facial and get your hair and nails done?

If none of those things appeal or are practical in the location you'll be in, just decline.

You really need to grow up. 7 or 8 hours by yourself is nothing. It's less than a working day for most people.
If the venue isn't central, drop him off and go out for the day, get yourself ready later on and enjoy the evening. Get a taxi

You are being rather silly.

Just have a day to yourself and explore the city you are visiting. Then go to the evening reception.

No drama needed.

Dear lord, is she still here?

It's usually a massive buffet with tonnes of food.

Honestly, don't take it personally. I'm doing my guest list for our wedding and the ceremony can only accommodate 50 people. This means a lot of plus 1's have had to be bumped to reception only. To include you in the ceremony might have meant sacrificing someone they know better which wouldn't be fair.

Appreciate its inconvenient but I would definitely go. This is an opportunity to meet your boyfriend's friends and it's a very kind gesture to invite you to the reception despite having never met you.

Yes it does automatically become a 2nd reception. But it became that when you had some guests for the expensive posh meal, and other guests for the 'buffet'.

No because there was no 1st reception. The wedding breakfast is NOT the reception it's the wedding breakfast.

And you can disagree with something that is the norm all you want but it will still happen as it is indeed the norm for many. I love that you think you have some sort of authority over that 🤣