Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

They have probably thought this all through already and for whatever reason come to the conclusion that they will invite you to the evening only. I would personally go to the evening and just enjoy the time exploring the city. I'm sure you can find something to do, it's not like it's the middle of nowhere! You will get to meet them and enjoy the party without sitting through speeches etc of people you don't know at all, plus your bf will get to mingle enjoy those bits without worrying about not leaving you out while catching up with his other friends. Just go and enjoy it!

Given your incredibly poor reading comprehension, your opinion on how anything looks doesn’t say much though.

In going against the grain,I think its massively bad manners to invite a couple to one part and the other to the second part when it's over an hour away and requires staying over its not a case of it being down the road. I would decline on that very basis, I wouldn't have my partner waiting around for most of the day when we made the effort to travel down and pay accommodation.

Don’t let @Lola4321 get to you @Areil they are purposely being a GF
im laughing my socks off at their view of Brits/class and shit
it’s fabulous 🤣

Surely you just travel to hotel mid afternoon, finish getting ready there and then hop in a taxi to the party?

No angst required.

The only thing that is odd is that you haven't met your boyfriends best friend.

Thanks @PuckeredArseFace

I am not so shallow minded as to think the whole world should do weddings like I think they should be done. It’s quite the education this thread.

@Daisy0530 what does your boyfriend think of the situation, has he said?

"These people just would not be invited at all here".

Well there you go everyone. Lola has spoke for the whole of Australia. Nobody in the history of weddings in Australia has ever invited complicated family members to a wedding...EVER!

The op doesn’t describe the evening do of this wedding as at a different location.

‘Some sausage‘ @Lola4321 , fucking brilliant 🤣
you have no idea but keep going , pure gold

I've read many stories on here where the 'evening do' is at a different location from the first reception.
Never, ever heard that in my life.

Regardless, it's like having a dinner party, asking some to come for the appetisers, main meal, and some to come by later on for a bit of dessert or small piece of cake.
No, it's asking people if they want to come out for a drink and a dance. Some other people have had a big meal already. The meal isn't being split.
It's exceptionally rude imo.
Yes, in your opinion. But not in the opinions of 1000s and 1000s of other people.

We only had about 10 extra evening invites as it goes. Mostly friends of my parents who I hardly knew but they wanted to include and were local. I've also been to a wedding where I was invited to the ceremony and the evening do but had to find something to do in between with a friend which was a bit odd but not offensive. And one where DH (boyfriend at the time) was invited to the whole day and I was just evening. Not a big deal at all, just hung out in town, had a nice afternoon nap and rocked up for drinks later.

I think it's rude to do this to an established couple. If it was a girlfriend of a few weeks then fair enough, but it's not

Wouldn't matter if I was the one invited to the whole day or just the evening, I wouldn't go.

the “as a woman of colour” stuff has actually got actually nothing to do with the evening do culture at uk weddings.

Yes, you are reaching. And to a woman of colour, you have no right to call the comparison asinine.

I'll call it asinine. You're just projecting.

You have 2 choices. 1 is don’t go and come up with a polite excuse. 2 is you go, spend the day shopping, readings, exploring etc. 2, doesn’t sound terrible btw.
I once had to get an emergency passports from the office in London. There was something like a 6 hour wait between dropping off the documents and collecting the passport. The guy in the queue in front of me asked what he was supposed to do in London for 6 hrs? Answer - there’s lots to do! I’m sure you can fill your time in a city for the day.

@Lola4321

I am talking about the first world. Which, the UK supposedly is part of

You said this in response to me asking about Hindu weddings, which take place over three days.

Your response shows your lack of understanding. Let's take a country you know well as an example, as you live there. There are nearly 700k Hindus in Australia and it's the fastest growing religion in the country.

So are they wrong to have traditional
three day weddings in Australia and invite their friends to them (usually friends are invited to either the second and third day or the third day only) even though it's not the traditional Australian way? Are they 'breathtakingly rude' to have a three day wedding but only invite a friend to the third day not the second?

Do you ever take on board feedback when it comes to your approach and tone?

Do you ever think "I shouldn't have said that" or "looking back I can see how that came across poorly" or "I can see that reads like I think it's a fact not just my opinion"?

Don't you ever want to learn about other people's experiences and be interested in them and respectful of them even if they differ from yours?

Rather than just continuing on your arbitrary should / shouldn't lists in a rude and superior tone?

I know how it works. I also know many times the 'evening do's are not at the same place as the orginal reception.
You've said that repeatedly. I have never ever known of anyone have the evening do somewhere else. Unless you are talking about people who have had a destination wedding then a separate party days later back at home. Which is an entirely different scenario.

If there is limited budget and/or space. You simply only invite those that you can afford/have space for

That’s exactly what they’ve done.

Just chill out at the hotel till it's time for you to go to the evening do! We only invited partners that were married because like you said, weddings are expensive! Don't be that person that makes their day all about you!

@Lola4321 I know how it works. I also know many times the 'evening do's are not at the same place as the orginal reception.

You don’t know much then, do you?