Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

@Lola4321

If they're on a budget they wouldn't be able to afford two receptions.

As has been explained to you already, having an evening do after the sit down meal isn't considered a second reception here in the UK nowadays.

The amount of times you've said what people 'should' and 'shouldn't' do as if you're stating facts rather than sharing an opinion is so odd.

Do you really go through life thinking that everyone should do things the way you would choose to?

That all countries should do things the way your own does?

That all generations should do things the way your own does?

Hardly the same - a cousin who knows your partner well enough that she was bridesmaid for you vs a girlfriend the bride and groom have never met

I'd decline the invite. Your DP can go to the whole thing on his own.

Poor OP. This thread has gone batshit. I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t come back.

I am talking about the first world. Which, the UK supposedly is part of.

What an ignorant comment.

What exactly is it about being a developed or developing nation that means culture should be wiped away? Does the US have the same culture and traditions as Spain because they are both ‘first world’ countries?

My ex husband was abusive. his now wife was incredibly abusive to me. DS fiancée has complicated step grandparents and step aunts and uncles.

they’ve having a two tier system to reduce stress on people because it makes it easier for me and his future FIL to cope with.

It is absolutely not class or race based.

you are rude you have refused to see that there are cultural norms in the uk That don’t map to your experience.

You did

you mapped the wedding breakfast evening do distinction to race segregation in the US.

I lived in Canada in my twenties / early thirties and went to about 20 weddings. Four had separate evening receptions. In two cases, I was only invited to the evening reception. One was a coworker. We are a big team but pretty close as we had worked together for awhile. She invited us all to the evening reception but not the rest.

The other time was a wedding where they capped numbers at the ceremony and dinner but then opened up the reception for a broader group of people. My boyfriend at the time was part of a big group of guy friends who had been friends since uni (including the groom). The guys had done trips every year together alone as girlfriends came and went. The only partner invited was the groom’s best friends wife who was also good friends with the bride. I didn’t care at all. This was not my friend group and the guys had been a tight knit group.

so yes it happens in Canada.

I was just thinking the same

But why bother having a separate do? They must be rich. If you can't invite someone to the actual reception, why bother inviting them at all?
The evening bit doesn't really cost much. It's not a separate do but after the main meal and speeches guests will usually move to a different bar/dance floor area where they then expect to start paying for their own drinks. Might be some buffet food laid on for 9.30/10 ish. So it's the party bit that is the continuation of the reception.

It's a way of extending the numbers of people who can come. I've been to a few weddings as an evening guest, once when DH was there all day. It's absolutely fine. It isn't rude, just an acceptance that they have limited numbers for a set down meal but more space for a disco.

”I was more thinking of us both going in the evening or me not attending“

So you think he should miss the actual wedding?!! What a ridiculous idea.

You say it’s over an hour away. That means not 2. I suspect not even close to 2, as then you’d say, “nearly 2 hours”. If you really can’t cope with entertaining yourself for the day - which in itself is just sad - then just drive over separately.

It's not class or caste based. You're just making it about that and comparing it to racism. It's absolutely not the same.

I think it's a bit rude to only be invited to the evening do whilst boyfriend gets the whole wedding. I wouldn't go personally.

I'd love 7-8 hours on my own in a new place to explore! You could try a bit of CBT and reframe the situation - instead of "I don't get to...", say "I get to..."

It’s up to DS and his wife to be who he invites. Not me.

please stop. You’re upsetting me by badgering me.

please stop. You’re upsetting me by badgering me.

Just ignore her if she comments to you anymore. She's not worth your upset.

I am talking about the first world. Which, the UK supposedly is part of.

I find it extraordinary that you assume that Hindu weddings only happen outside of the first world. You seem to have a very narrow outlook.

DD is in a similarly long and serious relationship, started just before Covid. She’s been invited to a couple of evening dos, with her partner at the full day. It’s been fine, she was glad to be included at all tbh!

@Lola4321

Yes, it is two receptions

So despite multiple posters saying that in the UK this isn't considered to be two receptions, you're continuing to say that "yes, it is two receptions"?

Exhausting inability to take on board what people have said about their country's tradition.

People from a country are telling you how something is considered by many people in their country and you're literally telling them they are wrong... it's so arrogant and comes across very strangely:

You may think that the reasons behind a tradition are wrong or that it's wrong to implement it, but stop saying that it's 'wrong' not to describe it as two receptions when people are telling you that's not how it's seen! That's especially true of when to comes to the weddings of under 40s. Traditions differ and evolve over time.

I’m not reaching. The comparison is asinine.

Someone is either close enough to invite to your wedding and reception, or they're not. Why waste money on a second reception if they're not good enough to be at the wedding and reception?

It's not a second reception - it's fairly straightforward and any wedding I've been to in the Uk has followed the same rough schedule.

• ceremony. Space can be limited
• milling around while photos are taken. Canapés and free bubbly of ten provided so costly as paid per head. Bit boring but usually just close family and friends so don't mind
• meal. Space limited due to large tables with decor etc. very expensive per head payment for 3+ course meal and wine.
• Evening party when more guests arrive plenty space as not seated round big tables, people up dancing etc. drinks bought by guests at bar not paid for by hosts, food may or may not be provided later but a cheaper buffet option or a hot roll. Hardly a second reception just then next part of the day