Wedding invite- what should I do?

[Daisy0530]

Me and my boyfriend have been invited to his best friends wedding. (they’ve been friends since they were kids). Unfortunately due to them living so far away and also covid I haven’t had an opportunity to meet him yet. I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years so I would consider us to be an established couple.

We will need to book a hotel to stay in due to the wedding being over an hour away from where we live. We received the invites and I have only been invited to the evening reception and my bf the full day. I can understand this as weddings are expensive and due to the fact we haven’t met however, this will mean I will be left alone at the hotel in a city I don’t know for 7-8 hours whilst my partner attends the wedding.

I am unsure how to feel about this and I am trying to see both perspectives, it’s their day after all. I must admit if it was my wedding I would likely have invited both as I would feel embarrassed not to. Should I just not attend to avoid any drama/arguments or should my boyfriend have a chat with his mate about it? I don’t want them to fall out but I feel a little off with the whole thing.

I wouldn't go, as I wouldn't want to be alone all day. Your partner should go though. It's strange that they did that, do you think they did it so you wouldn't come?

Literally thousands of weddings in the uk do that every year.

I’m from one of those countries, so agree it’s not the ‘done thing’ where I’m from.

But, like it or not, it’s perfectly normal in the UK.

And although it very much does come off as a two tier system to us, it’s not class/caste based. It’s more based on how close people are to the bride and groom.

So family and close / old friends to the full day, and people like work colleagues, or recently-met friends to the evening do.

What I do think is rude - and taking it a step too far - is breaking a couple down into the two tier system.

That absolutely is rude.

But - it’s partly the OP’s own fault, given that she’s never bothered to meet her DP’s best friend since childhood in the 2.5 years they’ve been together. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Because relationships aren’t black and white. Some friends I could go on a 2 week holiday with, some I only meet up for drinks after work. You don’t have to have the exact same relationship with everyone, in fact it’s probably impossible.

You aren’t having 2 wedding receptions, it is the later part of the same reception. Maybe don’t pass judgment on something you don’t even understand?

Should Indian weddings also be cut down to one afternoon because in your almighty opinion that’s enough? Are Chinese tea ceremonies not allowed to go ahead anymore?
Lets all let Aussie ‘culture’ dictate to the rest of the world shall we 😂😂

It’s not a class or caste based thing though.

Why would you need to stay in the hotel? I would love hours of alone time exploring time in a new place. Seeing what I want to see without having to compromise. Then capped off by a celebration with free food and drink? Sounds pretty good to me.

This! I would enjoy having a chance to explore. Is it an interesting kind of place, do you think? Are there shops to browse or history to soak up. It could be a fun day...

@Lola4321

I'll ask the question again as you avoided this bit...

Traditional Hindu weddings are three days long. Are they 'breathtakingly rude' to expect three days of people's time rather than one?

I assume you wouldn't see it as 'breathtakingly rude', because different cultures, religions and countries have different traditions and norms, some of which evolve over time.

Here in the UK and Ireland it's not unusual at all, in fact it is now the norm for younger couples, to have an evening do after the traditional reception.

Maybe they're on a budget and need to keep the numbers down. She's never even met them.

This would be right up my street. Head to the town together. He goes to the wedding and then I can go explore for a few hours, back to the hotel with room service for dinner and get dressed for an evening out. Meet up. Sounds good to me.

Because there isn’t room at the venue for everyone. And because not everyone has weddings in the same way.

I would either spend the day sightseeing & then meet your partner at the evening do later, or not attend if you don't fancy it.

I wouldn't expect my partner to miss the wedding ceremony of a close friend just because I didn't want to be alone.

how dare you dismiss me and my life experience. Who made you judge and jury on my life? You are rude.

If it were me I'd be happy with this as I think the ceremony and meal ect is always a bit dull unless you're close to the bridal party. I'd let your BF go, he can catchup with all his mates and then you rock up looking fresh and have fun in the evening. As others have said have a nice day, shopping, hair done, relax with a magazine whatever.
I wouldn't be put out, theyve literally never met you, this is not about you. But if you really want to go chat with your BF about it, see what he says. If I were him and wanted my DP their I wouldn't have any qualms asking my best mate.
Surely of your BF is going getting hotel the cost already incurred won't be any extra for you (travel) I think it would be silly not to go, wedding dancing very romantic.with my ex-H I went to evening do when was usher and he was all drunk and amorous when I turned up and told me how he'd been missing me all day and thinking that we should do this (,ie get married)

Can you tell us where this wedding is? There are some ambitious claims about sightseeing and shopping and luxurious spa hotels here.
However, I suspect it's not about how to kill the day, it's about a perceived snub.

It’s not two receptions.

DS is doing to because of complicated family reasons on both sides. I greatly appreciate his care for me in doing so. And I know his wife to be parents feel the same. How dare you call me a racist for my son and his fiancée doing something caring.

Has your bf not seen his best friend in 2.5 years? I know Covid was during that period but you would think at some point they would have met up and you could meet them before the wedding.

Is your bf in the wedding party?

So long thread and someone might have suggested this and it depends how you would travel but you say it’s about an hour away so how about your Bf goes off in the morning to the whole thing. You stay home and have a normal day and then travel up for the evening. This is most efficient if you are using the train or public transport and would be expensive to drive separately but could be an option.

I’m a very independent woman 😂 but wouldn’t want to hang out in another city for the day unless there was something I particularly wanted to do there!