Definitely reporting now - is 101 the right number?

[PinkStarAtNight]

I started a thread the other week about whether I should report neighbours to SS because of child screaming through the night, and other things like mum being drunk in pool and not looking after the small children, smoking weed etc

Just now I've heard really really loud bangs coming from next door. No idea what it was, kind of sounded like a window being bashed closed again and again or something heavy being smashed down on worktops. Then lots of screaming from mother - 'STOP! STOP NOW' This went on for a while. It was so loud it sounded like it was coming from our upstairs (it's a semi detached)

Then child screaming and crying, sounds like same child from the other night. She is the smallest one I think. A toddler.

Then their back door opened and the crying child was pushed outside, with mother screaming 'GET OUT NOW! GET OUT THERE!...ITS TOO MUCH EMI. TOO MUCH' Then she slammed the door shut. The other kids were outside on the swings. They are a bit older but still young. They were trying to comfort small crying child.

They were saying to mum through window 'mum I can't talk to her because she just keeps asking for the door to be opened'. The mum shouted back 'No!'

A few mins later mum opened door and growled 'get in here'. Child still crying. Then I heard her say to slightly older children 'right I'm going upstairs, sort her out and DO NOT let her upstairs because honest to god I've enough.'

All is quiet now, but I really do need to report now don't I? I am in hold to 101. Have been a while now. .

Is 101 the right number? Or now everything is quiet should it be NSPCC or SS?

I live at home with my mum. She has just got home and I've told her why I'm calling 101 and she says she doesn't want me to call because she doesn't want any trouble. She thinks the police will come here and we will be in trouble with the neighbours.

What should I do?

You are getting your role in this very confused.
It's really not your job to decide if there is anything wrong. This is how it goes:

1. You report suspicious activity
2. Professional people look into it properly and decide if there is something wrong.
3. If there isn't anything wrong no harm done.

People who wait for 'proof' are part of the problem. Think of all the kids who have been murdered in their own homes recently by their own family. Imagine that happening next door and you were the one that did nothing? You are risking nothing by calling (you can even do it anonymously) and so much by not calling. By the way this is a 999 situation

About the dog. Phone the RSPCA to report what you have seen and ask for their advice. Ask whether they want you to call when the dog is actually there or something else. But you must report. Dog being left outside in all weathers and being hit is animal abuse.

Suggesting that the child misbehaving could have been a trigger for the comotion is one thing bur mmt suggesting that it should deter her from discussing this with ss or that any of what OP is describing is appropriate because hey maybe the kid's just a little brat that deserves it is all kinds of wrong. That's my point

Sounds normal to me, I’ve definitely had moments like this. Having a banging headache and the kids have banged the beds from upstairs, drives me nuts - I’d put them to play outside to calm down/be quiet.

Also had moments where a young ones been hurt while with an older one and I’ve (probably harshly) questioned the older one as to how.

If you genuinely think the kids are being abused/at risk then of course report, but if you’re just hearing a mum get pissed off at challenging kids then it’s an overreaction.

I came here to say this, sounds like little one was banging a window or cabinet or whatever and mum has had enough is stressing. Put the little one outside with siblings then let her back and but took time away from her. So sounds as if she's doing the right thing in taking herself away from the stress to calm down and then deal with the situation. My younger boys are screamers and sometimes you'd think they were being literally murdered when all I've said is No.
As for the screaming in the night, again kids scream, kids can scream regardless of what you do about it for hours.......
Your mother sounds like she knows what parenting can be like and doesn't want the drama.
Are the kids dressed? Do they look happy from what you've seen of them? Do they look over/underweight? Etc
I wouldn't be calling 999 or 101 it really doesn't sound like she's lost her mind over whatever the kids done but if you are still very concerned go on your local councils website and look up the contact for social services, you can report anonymously or even email with details

@Dajeeling as I said in my update the loud noises didn't seem like one a small child could create. It also didn't sound like a child being hit. But then it also doesn't make sense to me that the mother would be doing it, unless she just lost it completely and was banging things as part of a breakdown. tbh I'm unsure what is going on, but it didn't sound normal.

I've been in the garden for the past couple of hours and children have been playing outside pretty much that whole time. I could hear mum inside the house as door was open and she came out occasionally. She went from singing along to the radio and cooing at the baby to shouting aggressively in the space of two minutes, repeatedly. She seemed to be alternating her mood every ten minutes. Sometimes it was a few seconds between sounding happy and suddenly shouting really loudly and sounding angry. I found it strange to listen to.
She came out at 8:30 and said 'right girls come on, I'm tired I need to go to bed. Get in.' Her voice sounded strange. I can't put my finger on it but if I had to describe it I'd say she sounded high or drunk, and at the stage where you've had so much that you're groggy and just want to crash.

BUT I don't know, maybe I'm just being dramatic and a busybody and judgemental and I don't have children so have no idea what its like. The professionals can decide. But I don't think the things I've mentioned are 'normal parenting'.

That's neglect a two year old should always be supervised by an adult. The older two might be old enough to play outside unsupervised. If she had gone missing or drowned in the paddling pool it wouldn't be fair to put that guilt on the older kids.

@PinkStarAtNight you could always ask if she needs some help. It's very difficult at times, to be caring for a few small children.

I really can't believe some of the posts I am reading!
People saying its low reporting and not speaking to the parent first, and others saying People are getting hysterical about a bit of banging.🙄. FFS! If the OP's first instinct to report it, then that's what she should have done. There may or may not be a child in danger. If not, and it's a stressed out mum, then she may need extra support. That's for the authorities to decide.

I have worked within Social Services and many " this may be nothing " calls turn into full CP cases.

Glad you contacted NSPCC OP. You did the right thing!

Report report - poor child - also RSPCA needs a call re the poor dog - disgusting to hit a dog !

This is what I took from it. That it was the child making the banging, the child wasn't locked out on her own? Purely based on the first account, not read the thread yet.

It seems to be so taboo on here to say don't report. I hope none of you live near me because the noises out of my DD when she's having a meltdown or being defiant are bloody awful. And yes I have been known to shout 'I've had enough' and go upstairs for a breather!

Always always err on the side of caution, if you have a feeling that a child is at risk, phone. Better safe than sorry.

I'd just like to say that I totally agree with your decision to do something. It is up to professionals to decide whether there is cause for concern to act upon. Well done for caring enough not to ignore a potentially dangerous situation.
An email or phone call is enough - it should put your mind at rest from nagging doubts (the what ifs can be torture)
Thank you again for caring. Its not always easy.

I absolutely think you've done the right thing. From what you've said, and as this isn't just a one-off issue, as a minimum I think the mum needs some support. You've handed it onto those who understand best and they will deal with it. Well done for not just thinking it's someone else's problem. If more people cared enough to report stuff like this, there would be fewer children growing up thinking it's normal to be treated in this way and the cycle is less likely to continue.

@PinkStarAtNight You can report any concerns you have, online, anonymously through the NSPCC, or you can call them to talk it all through. They can help. This is from their Website. I hope it's OK to paste this here, as not clear on the rules of sharing.

Due to an increase in demand across our service, our voice Helpline is currently operating between the hours of Monday to Friday, 10am - 4pm. However, you can contact us 24 hours a day by email at [email protected]. It's free and you don't have to say who you are. If you think a child is at immediate risk of harm, please call the police on 999.

Call 0808 800 5000

Report online

Email [email protected]

It's normal to feel anxious, nervous or unsure about getting in touch with us. We're here to help and take that worry from you. Letting us know you're worried about a child could be the first step to helping protect them from a lifetime of abuse and neglect.

If you’re using a mobile device/tablet and are experiencing difficulties completing our online form, please try using a computer, or call us on 0808 800 5000, or email [email protected] to report your concern.

• *Ihope this helps you. None of us know the situation that is happening in that home, but if you feel something is not right, you are doing the right thing, you are looking out for the Children and being their voice. Maybe the mother needs help and support herself.

999 now -child protection is everyone’s responsibility.

Same here I’m always shouting on my quiet street but I wouldn’t be offended if someone made a phone call, I’d think they’re looking out for my kids based on the noises they heard and then the experts will know there is no cause for concern. Better safe than sorry!

Oops sorry,just seen you contacted the NSCPP‼️ I didn't read all the pages.

If the children don’t look like they’ve been beaten up, starved etc. am not sure social services will be of much help. Might only cause more problems. Just a thought.

Up you sound level headed,if you were upset enough to be concerned for the animal and children's welfare then do take action.
You're a good person and right not to listen to ok being nasty.
Hope the issues next door get sorted in the best way possible for everyone.🌈

Now that you’ve got our attention again you seem to making the mother out to be some kind of psycho. Plus, now a baby has been conjured up.
How come you’ve never mentioned a baby crying with all the noise you describe.

Speaking as an adoptive mum: report it. This is the sort of emotional abuse and neglect that my children were exposed to in their first home and I wish it had been noticed and referred sooner. We are dealing daily with the lifelong effects of the early life trauma they experienced and they face significant challenges as a result.

There really are only positives to come from making that call: if the children are in danger, they will be moved somewhere safer. If mum is struggling to cope but fundamentally able to parent, a call can help her to secure support to turn things around. If it turns out that everything is fine and you've alerted the police unnecessarily and caused an intrusion into another family's life - which, given the details you have provided, seems unlikely - you can rest assured that you were acting in the best interests of the children. This is absolutely justification enough.

To quote from the various safeguarding training sessions that I've attended, safeguarding (in this instance of both the mother, who seems vulnerable, and her children) is everyone's business.

You’re starting to sound incredibly critical of this mother in your last couple of posts - to the point where I’m not sure if your “concern” is really coming from good intentions now.

It’s not completely unheard of (nor criminal) for parents to go from nice and calm to snappy in a couple of minutes. We’re not all perfect and parenting can be hard. Like you said, you’re not a parent and you don’t know what it’s like.

It sounds now like you’re making a drama out of someone else’s difficult day. Report a child in danger by all means, but you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel by trying to infer things from a mum saying “right girls, time to come in, I need to go to bed”.

All starting to sound a bit Rear Window. Hope the kids are okay.