Definitely reporting now - is 101 the right number?

[PinkStarAtNight]

I started a thread the other week about whether I should report neighbours to SS because of child screaming through the night, and other things like mum being drunk in pool and not looking after the small children, smoking weed etc

Just now I've heard really really loud bangs coming from next door. No idea what it was, kind of sounded like a window being bashed closed again and again or something heavy being smashed down on worktops. Then lots of screaming from mother - 'STOP! STOP NOW' This went on for a while. It was so loud it sounded like it was coming from our upstairs (it's a semi detached)

Then child screaming and crying, sounds like same child from the other night. She is the smallest one I think. A toddler.

Then their back door opened and the crying child was pushed outside, with mother screaming 'GET OUT NOW! GET OUT THERE!...ITS TOO MUCH EMI. TOO MUCH' Then she slammed the door shut. The other kids were outside on the swings. They are a bit older but still young. They were trying to comfort small crying child.

They were saying to mum through window 'mum I can't talk to her because she just keeps asking for the door to be opened'. The mum shouted back 'No!'

A few mins later mum opened door and growled 'get in here'. Child still crying. Then I heard her say to slightly older children 'right I'm going upstairs, sort her out and DO NOT let her upstairs because honest to god I've enough.'

All is quiet now, but I really do need to report now don't I? I am in hold to 101. Have been a while now. .

Is 101 the right number? Or now everything is quiet should it be NSPCC or SS?

I live at home with my mum. She has just got home and I've told her why I'm calling 101 and she says she doesn't want me to call because she doesn't want any trouble. She thinks the police will come here and we will be in trouble with the neighbours.

What should I do?

Typical mumsnet hysteria transferred from heatwave threads to “she could be killing her kids!”

Typical MN strawman scenario. Nobody is saying she is killing her kids. But look at literally every high profile child protection case of the last 20 years and even the murder of poor Jamie Bulger. A common element of them all was that they could have been avoided if people had done more intervening and poking their noses in where it 'wasn't wanted'. Our gut instinct is often right. If it feels wrong then FGS do something about it

Report it another time ??? Which time will that be ??? When you phone to report a fatality???? I’m choked up just thinking about the toddler crying hysterically 😢

Its difficult but its important to report it. The people who are saying that SS will swoop in and take the child are not correct. Help and support will be offered first, which it sounds like the mum needs. But please dont turn a blind eye and do nothing. Other neighbours did that and thats how we had the stories of Baby P, Victoria Climbie, and others. You dont have to give your name or address, so your mum can stop worrying about that.

No one knows if the child is really really misbehaving and the mother is at her wits end and just needed some time to calm down. Unless youve seen any physical abuse, why is everyone quick to judge and imply the children are being abused in some way? The child may cry al night because she cant get her own way. Personally i would knock on her door, ask her if shes ok as you can hear the banging etc and just wanted to check if she needs any help or support, in the first instance. Sometimes being a parent is hard and your kids test you every day. Maybe the mum is depressed/stressed/trying her damn best and is accused of abusing her children in the process. Leaving them outside alone is not ideal, but offer to watch them for 5 minutes so the mum can have some breathing space. Everyone is so judgmental!!

You know when the news reports child abuse, neglect, etc, and everyone moans "where were the neighbors??" "Surely they heard what was going on" . . . Etc

They there thinking the same as your mum.

Child safeguarding is EVERY ONE'S business. There is no overreacting when it comes to protecting children.

Report it to social care, there should be a form on your local authority website.

You did the right thing. I have kids who are neurodiverse and their screaming is scary for me at times and might sound like what is going on and? But one has sensory issues issues become overwhelming and it Can be hard to calm them down but I do everything to calm them down and remain calm. However there are no drugs or drink here and never leave them alone. It won't be the screaming but drugs and alcohol.

I cannot believe some of the comments on here, OP well done for sending that email to NSPCC, I am not at all surprised that Social services did not pick up, they are absolutely useless and probably won't do anything anyway, you have more chance of a positive response from nspcc, even if it is just a referral to ss - at least you know it has been recorded. I have to say it sounds like a vulnerable family, and someone should be supporting. Another route if there are under 5's is to alert the health visitor anonymously, it wouldn't take much just a call.

As for the dog, I would definitely alert the RSPCA, in fact you will probably get more of a response from them than anyone! state of the services

I haven't read the whole thread but to make this clear, this is abuse. A parent screaming at their child is never acceptable and she needs help if she isn't coping.
There will be people on MN who work for Social Care and will back me up when saying that children are not removed from families if parents accept help and engage with services.
Imagine how you would feel if the child was seriously hurt. You can ring the NSPCC in confidence and don't have to give your details. You can also report anonymously to the Police.

I understand your mum's reaction but child protection is everyone's responsibility and it is better that you are wrong than you are right and a child is harmed.

They may need help from some family support agency but 999 is not the right call here, it's just not. What will the police even do? They'll come out, the child has stopped crying, they can't arrest the mum, they'll just leave.

The family should probably be checked out (dog bit) and have some kind of contact with family services (not necessarily social services, support).

You definitely need to report your concerns, the NSPCC are very good and will arrange support for the family if needed.

So 101 or social services (who can redirect as appropriate).

The mother sounds like she's overwhelmed and needs support. Whether you go round yourself and ask if she's ok, or call social services or the police (or whoever) she needs help and support. Some kids are very challenging and hard to parent. You could befriend her and offer to help. Sounds like she might just need a break. Good luck with whatever you decide x

The dog being outside is not the issue,
It is the children hitting it that is

What happens when the dog turns on the children after receiving another hit.

Report it to the NSPCC, they can legally do something and will keep it anonymous if you'd like. I really don't get your mother....
My opinion
You are far more likely to regret something you didn't do than what you did.

At the very least it means an investigation and possible help if there's something wrong with the mother.

I'd rather get earache from my mother than see a tragic headline in the paper that I may have been able to prevent with a phone call.

Good Luck

Contact your local children’s social services duty team. Contact details will will be on their website - might be called MASH (Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub) They will decide who what needs to be done. You MUST do something you have a moral and civil duty to do so.

If you feel the child or children are in immediate danger call 999.

If your instinct was to call the Police , then clearly what you heard was distressing. I think emails to NSPCC was a good move, however please don’t hesitate to contact the Police should something happen that concerns you.
You can inform the Police anonymously if you’re concerned about them turning up on your mothers doorstep.

If you don't ring and something happens you will never ever forgive yourself! Ring them, and if you don't want to then send someone else the details and let them!! That's a child at risk 🤯🤯

Firstly abuse does not have to be physical it can be a range of things including emotional, neglect or not keeping a child safe. I am not saying that the mother is doing any of those things - but the OP is clearly concerned things are not right. By reporting it to social services the mother will be able to access support - and prevent the situation escalating into something more serious.

It looks like the OP is unable to go round as a friendly neighbour and say ‘Couldn’t help noticing you seem to be having a tough time with kids. Is everything all is OK?’ Then she can’t just stand by and do nothing. She should contact someone who can check all is ok.

Why can’t you go round, knock on the door, say you heard her screaming she’d had enough and ask her if she’s ok.
Reporting her without speaking to her first really is low.

If you hadn’t put the bit about weed and drinking ect I would have said call round. It actually doesn’t sound to dissimilar to my situation tbh. 2 kids with additional needs and a baby I shouted this morning stop stop that now at my son as he was biting my leg abs then he proceeded to throw a chair. (Plastics child one) I did however have the police round the other week as a Neighbour rang about the noise, but they were happy snd could clearly see the kids had additional needs (2 officers couldn’t get them out the garden and they were being rather loud when they were here) but I would have loved the neighbours to have come round seen if I was ok first , I could have explained the situation apologies ect. Instead I spent a week with an anxiety that social services were going to take my kids and up all night obsessively cleaning.

You need to do a MASH referral via your local authority ASAP.

WTAF???? I sincerely hope you are not a mother! I don’t give two hoots how “naughty” a toddler is being (who btw is probably too young to understand what bloody naughty is), if you’re a mother, a grown ass adult, you do not throw your toddler outside regardless of whether older siblings are there, tell them it’s too much, refuse to let them in, then let them in, leave them downstairs crying and bugger off upstairs out of their way. A. It’s not the older siblings issue to look after “naughty toddler” and B. Just WTF?!

I get parents need time to cool down sometimes, but you make sure child is safe (not shut outside) and it’s a quick 2 mins get yourself together.

Call the NSPCC and tell them if your fears. Imagine how you’d fel if the little girl is hurt and you did nothing

If something happens to that child you won't forgive yourself if you could have helped. Report now. The safety of children is everyone's business, they don't have a voice.