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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to this wedding?

221 replies

Artemi · 16/07/2022 19:01

I might just be being insecure so the blunt advice of the AIBU vipers is welcome.

My husband is invited to a wedding in a couple of months, and I am not invited. It is of a school friend of his (Anna) and her partner (Ben)
At the time the invitation was received (a whole year before the wedding) we were not yet engaged, although we were living together. I didn't know the couple, so I understood not being invited.

We recently got married this month. The wedding was modest and small- under 25 guests. We did not invite Anna and Ben, purely due to numbers. Not to dripfeed, the reason for keeping it small was due to social anxiety and also because I only had 2 family members, so didn't want to feel uncomfortable by my husband having loads more guests than me.
We did however invite people's long-term partners even if we hadn't met them

Since being engaged and planning a wedding of our own, and now married, I have felt increasingly uncomfortable to not be invited to Anna and Ben's wedding. This probably relates to low self esteem and wanting to be accepted by my husband's friends (There has been some difficulty with other friends of his being unwelcoming to me so this probably clouds my judgment)

My husband messaged Anna politely and asked whether I would be able to come to their wedding but she said no, (quite bluntly) saying that they are having a small wedding.

YANBU: now that we are married and they have also met me, it's a little bit rude to not expand the invitation to include me.

YABU: you offended them by not inviting them and it's therefore understandable that they wouldn't invite you

Thank you

OP posts:
ScreamingInfidelities · 16/07/2022 19:47

I can’t believe your husband asked if he could bring you when you didn’t invite either of them to your wedding! The audacity of you both is breathtaking 🤣

Flackattack · 16/07/2022 19:48

So rude to ask - especially since you didn’t invite them to your wedding apparently due to your social anxiety! But not so bad you don’t find it socially awkward inviting yourself to a wedding you knew you weren’t invited to and had no issue not inviting them to yours. Wow! Just wow!

GCHeretic · 16/07/2022 19:49

Your husband really needs to learn some manners, what he did was really not on.

I hope that you didn’t make him ask that, did you? It would be incredibly hypocritical if you did.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 16/07/2022 19:50

Your DH will always be referred to as the rude one with the unreasonable wife.

You can't just invite yourself, it is normal for wedding invites to be sent early, they are having a small wedding and don't know you.

So yabu not because you offended them but because you are rude. There wedding day is about them not you.

drpet49 · 16/07/2022 19:53

YABU, you haven’t even met them, didn’t invite them to you wedding either.

SleeplessInEngland · 16/07/2022 19:55

A very obvious YABU and it’s embarrassing your husband messaged them to ask.

Libre55 · 16/07/2022 19:56

How rude is your husband??? Absolutely no manners.

Mellowyellow222 · 16/07/2022 19:56

Oh my heavens - you asked for an invite?! How rude.

it is fine that they invited him and but you. You are not entitled to be invited just because you are married to someone who was invited.

but you should never contact the bride and ask for a plus one!

Hesma · 16/07/2022 19:56

You didn’t invite them due to numbers and they didn’t invite you for exactly the same reason. Stop being so precious-you are a CF for even asking

HintofVintagePink · 16/07/2022 19:57

Very rude to ask to be invited. Why is one rule acceptable for your wedding but not for theirs? Do you know neither of them don’t suffer from social anxiety too?
Surprised you’re so keen to go given your anxiety and you admit you don’t know them that well.

IncompleteSenten · 16/07/2022 19:58

Yabu but not because "you offended them etc"

They are having a small wedding, just as you did. They were never planning to invite you, they simply haven't added you after you married. 🤷

There's no snub.

bluekostree · 16/07/2022 20:00

I'd be embarrassed if I were you and your dh- asking for an invite is rude. Yabu anyway. You didn't invite them so I don't see why they should invite you.

Has your social anxiety improved enough to attend a wedding anyway where you don't know most people?

buckeejit · 16/07/2022 20:00

Yabvu & so rude to ask for an invite.

If you've social anxiety & he has other friends there that you don't get on with, surely it's easier to stay home anyway-sounds like you just feel entitled to be there rather than wanting to celebrate their marriage

whatfuckinghobbyisit · 16/07/2022 20:02

blueluce85 · 16/07/2022 19:06

Voted yabu but not because of the reason you said.

Just yabu to expect an invite to anyone's wedding for any reason

This.

Kite22 · 16/07/2022 20:04

Like others have said. YWBVVVU to ask them to invite you, but not or the reason in your OP.
Surely, having had a wedding of just 25 people, then it would be even more obvious to you that people can't go on just squeezing one more person in ? How can you not see that ? Confused
People have all sorts of different criteria for who they do or don't invite - I am not sure why you feel so entitled to say their criteria is so wrong it should be changed, just for you. Hmm

Alwayspaintyournails · 16/07/2022 20:04

YABU but just in general… not for your reasoning.
You had the smell wedding you wanted, they are allowed the same. It’s utterly rude to ask for an invite given neither the bride or groom made the cut for your own wedding alone!

berksandbeyond · 16/07/2022 20:04

wtf that is so rude?!
You didn't invite them due to social anxiety and yet are desperate enough to go to theirs that your husband actually asked?! Confused

Gensola · 16/07/2022 20:05

I wouldn’t attend a wedding without DH - nor would I ever dream of inviting a married person without their spouse so I’m going against the grain here to say I’d expect your DH to decline.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 16/07/2022 20:06

I think it is extremely rude of them not to invite you to the wedding now you are married. One extra is not that much extra cost, just very bad manners to be honest. If she was a friend then no harm him ringing her at all. But does not seem much of a friend if leaves his partner/wife out, never in my life heard of that at all.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 16/07/2022 20:09

Don't worry about them at all but if I was your husband I would not be going as here in Ireland never heard of anyone inviting someone without inviting their girlfriend/partner/wife/husband. Just is not the done thing and is very rude. I would not be mixing with them and do not let it get to you.

Grapewrath · 16/07/2022 20:11

Your husband was incredibly rude tbh. I’d be embarrassed asking!

Bonniegirlie · 16/07/2022 20:12

So you think it is perfectly OK for YOU to have a small wedding and not invite them, but they can't do EXACTLY the same thing? I guess that means you're more important than they are. Or not. Entitled much?

Mellowyellow222 · 16/07/2022 20:12

Gensola · 16/07/2022 20:05

I wouldn’t attend a wedding without DH - nor would I ever dream of inviting a married person without their spouse so I’m going against the grain here to say I’d expect your DH to decline.

Really??

this happens lots with work colleagues. Why is a wedding different any other event? Will you go out to dinner or to a bar without your husband?

I never understand all these rules people put on weddings. Couples must be invited, children must be invited. Of course you are entitled to decline any invitations. But it just seems so odd in 2022 that you would refuse to go to a wedding because your Husband wasn’t invited too

neverbeenskiing · 16/07/2022 20:12

I would politely decline any wedding where my DH wasn't welcome. But I would never in a million years dream of contacting the B&G and asking for him to be invited and I'd be mortified if he did so on my behalf! If DH doesn't want to go without you he can just not go. All this fuss when these people clearly aren't that important to you as they weren't invited to your wedding.

AnneElliott · 16/07/2022 20:12

I agree with @LittleOwl153 - if it's a work colleagues group and no spouses then YABU. I've been to many wedding s of my colleagues and we all go as a group and no partners invited at all.

But if the other friends have a plus one then I think that YANBU. Although having not invited either of them to your wedding I really don't think you should say anything .