NC for this. Sorry it's long!
Small backstory: Neighbour has a yappy dog that never stops, it comes right up to the fence in our back garden and barks incessantly whenever any of us go into the garden. It also barks at passers by on the street - it literally follows them along the fence yapping incessantly as they walk down the street. Neighbour does very little to address this - the occasion half hearted “stop that (name of dog)”, but it doesn’t listen to her and she doesn’t physically remove it. Last year I had a word with the neighbour about this through the fence - the barking was so bad it was upsetting my then newborn aged baby as we sat in the garden. She argued back with me and was generally unpleasant, so I threatened to report her if it didn’t stop. This was around 12 months ago and I’ve had no interactions with her since. The dog has done its usual nuisance barking at the fence when we’ve been out in the garden but I’ve largely tried to ignore it, and now that DD is a bit older she isn’t as startled or bothered by it. So we just largely ignore now.
Today I took DD (now 15 months) out in the garden to play. I sat on the grass relaxing whilst she played. Yappy dog approached the fence as per usual, but we were far enough away from the fence that I could mostly tune it out and just focus on playing with DD. DD didn’t seem remotely bothered by it either. I was then aware of neighbour approaching the fence and heard her say “oh are you saying hello (dogs name)?” Dog continued to incessantly yap. I ignored and continued to play with DD.
Next thing I heard “excuse me can I talk to you?“ through the fence. The fence is too high to see over it, and you can just about make out a person through the slats but I couldn’t really see her. I said “sorry, do you mean me?” (Not really able to see anyone at this point, just a shadow through the fence, and I was also sat a good few feet away from the fence. She said “yes”. I said “erm, yeah I suppose, I can’t see you but I can hear you”. She said “I’m sorry my dog barks and annoys you”. I replied “that’s ok” and then continued to engage with DD who was toddling around (so my attention was more focussed on her and I honestly didn’t want to have any interaction with anyone else at that point). I was hoping this would end the conversation. She continued: “if you made friends with her, she wouldn’t bark at you”. I just again decided to give a one word answer in the hope she would disengage from me as all I wanted to do was relax and play with DD. I replied again “right, ok”. She then continued… “if you made friends with her she wouldn’t bark and then you wouldn’t complain, would you”.
At this point I got irritated as she was pushing an unwanted conversation and also implying I had “complained” when I’d had one interaction with her about this a whole year ago where I’d threatened to complain but not followed that through, and also not mentioned the dog to her since.
I replied: “I just want to enjoy my garden with my DD. I don’t want to have to make friends with a dog through the fence. If your dog is barking constantly it’s because you aren’t training her properly, and that’s up to you to address. It’s not down to other people to make friends with your dog”.
It was more than I wanted to invest in the interaction but to be honest she had annoyed me by that point.
She then said, randomly, “how old is your daughter now?” I replied with her age. In between I was playing with DD and interacting with her, hoping neighbour would get the hint that I didn’t want to engage with her. She then said “what’s her name?” I replied with her name. Just one word answers to try to end it. She then said “ok. I just thought we could be friends that’s all”. Then she (presumably) walked off back to her house (like I say, limited visibility through the fence).
The whole interaction was just so random. Firstly I hadn’t commented on her dog, I was minding my own business and playing with DD. Also a whole year has passed since our last interaction so why approach me now? It would have made sense if I’d complained there and then about the dog, but I’d said nothing. I was just ignoring it as I usually do.
If it’s relevant this isn’t a next door neighbour as such. It’s hard to explain but we are a detached house and her back garden and mine back share a boundary fence. Our houses are nowhere near each other and are actually on separate streets. I am friends with my next door neighbour, by choice, who is lovely. I have no desire to be friends with this other neighbour or her dog.
Was I mean or unreasonable to not want to be friends with either her or her dog? When I'm in my garden I just want to relax and enjoy my garden and my daughter. Is this reasonable? Also, should random people be expected to befriend dogs, or is the onus on the owners to stop the barking regardless?
Any thoughts welcomed.
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
Don’t want to “make friends” with neighbour’s dog…
randomdogfriend · 16/07/2022 18:58
randomdogfriend · 16/07/2022 21:15
"Rude" and "unkind" keep getting thrown around and despite me asking posters multiple times to quote me from my OP where I was either of these things - no one has been able to do so.
winterchills · 16/07/2022 21:14
To be honest you sound really rude. She's trying to make peace with you. No need for the bad attitude you could have even tried to be polite. I feel sorry for the woman, yes her dogs annoying but there's no need for u to carry on being rude a year later
hangrylady · 16/07/2022 21:17
OP: AIBU
MN: Yes
OP: No I'm not!
Why bloody ask then? 🙄
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Beelezebub · 16/07/2022 21:19
Why is it always our job - as the recipient of someone intruding in our space - to ‘be kind’ in response to that? Why is the general expectation that we should always make space for that behaviour?
How dog lady trains her dog and comes and knocks at the door if she wants a conversation? And starts with a proper apology for the annoyance instead of a backhanded apology that actually makes it clear she can’t see the issue and thinks OP should fix it herself?
Loveisnotloving · 16/07/2022 21:19
just want to enjoy my garden with my DD. I don’t want to have to make friends with a dog through the fence. If your dog is barking constantly it’s because you aren’t training her properly, and that’s up to you to address. It’s not down to other people to make friends with your dog
em there ya go…..rude.
randomdogfriend · 16/07/2022 21:15
"Rude" and "unkind" keep getting thrown around and despite me asking posters multiple times to quote me from my OP where I was either of these things - no one has been able to do so.
winterchills · 16/07/2022 21:14
To be honest you sound really rude. She's trying to make peace with you. No need for the bad attitude you could have even tried to be polite. I feel sorry for the woman, yes her dogs annoying but there's no need for u to carry on being rude a year later
randomdogfriend · 16/07/2022 21:15
"Rude" and "unkind" keep getting thrown around and despite me asking posters multiple times to quote me from my OP where I was either of these things - no one has been able to do so.
winterchills · 16/07/2022 21:14
To be honest you sound really rude. She's trying to make peace with you. No need for the bad attitude you could have even tried to be polite. I feel sorry for the woman, yes her dogs annoying but there's no need for u to carry on being rude a year later
randomdogfriend · 16/07/2022 21:21
Yawn. This response is so cliche and also so inaccurate.
I have not had a unanimous YABU, not even close.
Some posters see only what they want to see...
hangrylady · 16/07/2022 21:17
OP: AIBU
MN: Yes
OP: No I'm not!
Why bloody ask then? 🙄
turquoise1988 · 16/07/2022 21:30
I don't think I would class your response as 'rude' to be honest. You were a bit short, maybe?
I guess I understand why, based on your previous interaction, but I would probably have let down my guard a bit if I realised she was trying to say sorry. She probably feels a bit awkward that she was so rude to you last time - not that I'm attempting to justify her behaviour as okay.
The 'you have to make friends with my dog' thing is weird, though. The ball is definitely in her court, not yours. I agree that she needs to stop it yapping all the time, it's bloody annoying.
I'd just let it go now. A polite 'hello' when you see her, and maybe some small talk.
randomdogfriend · 16/07/2022 21:15
"Rude" and "unkind" keep getting thrown around and despite me asking posters multiple times to quote me from my OP where I was either of these things - no one has been able to do so.
winterchills · 16/07/2022 21:14
To be honest you sound really rude. She's trying to make peace with you. No need for the bad attitude you could have even tried to be polite. I feel sorry for the woman, yes her dogs annoying but there's no need for u to carry on being rude a year later
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