Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays for this theatre ticket?

154 replies

TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:13

A friend got tickets for us to go to the theatre. I transferred her the money for my ticket (£40). Now I have tested positive for covid and can't go. (I'm feeling OK but I don't want to pass it on to anyone). I apologised to my friend and asked her if she knew anyone else who could go with her. She has found another friend who'd like to go which is great. But... she has given my ticket to the friend and not asked for any money for it? She said she 'didn't feel she could ask for money at this point'.

I don't really get what that means. The show is tomorrow. £40 is not a small amount for me. As far as I am concerned, my friend has given my ticket away as a gift to her friend without asking me if this is ok. I'm pretty sure the other friend doesn't know I've paid for it! She's not acknowledged it in any way; if it was me I would message the person who'd paid and say "Are you sure that's OK, would you like any money for it?" If they said no I would obviously want to thank them.

I feel pissed off about the whole thing but can't think of a way to express this to first friend as she clearly thinks she's been totally reasonable.

OP posts:
Mally100 · 15/07/2022 18:16

Yanbu, the other person should have reimbursed you. They have essentially got a free ticket somewhere, how can someone think this is ok.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 15/07/2022 18:18

They may have only agreed to go as it was pitched to them as a spare / free ticket. So it might have ended up not being used.

MintLampShade · 15/07/2022 18:19

I mean, this could well have been a miscommunication. If you didn't specifically ask your friend to try and sell your ticket to someone, she might have thought you just want someone to take your place (and ticket) and that's exactly what she said to her friend.

I do think you need to be quite explicit in communicating what you want to happen because your obvious might not be the other person's obvious solution.

Could you have got a refund or transfer your ticket to another show?

50mg · 15/07/2022 18:22

If I'd found a taker for my ticket, I'd talk to them about payment, although tbh I'd probably give it, I'm not worse of than I would have been if I'd gone, the money is spent.

As friend had done all the legwork, I don't think you're in any position to object, although in their shoes I would have offered.

Confusion101 · 15/07/2022 18:22

It is annoying the other person hasn't offered to pay for it but if nobody had taken it you'd have lost the 40 anyway.

OneTC · 15/07/2022 18:23

What were you gonna do with it?

mineallmine · 15/07/2022 18:23

I actually think you have to pay for the ticket. It's a pain that you couldn't go but it was too late to get a refund on both tickets, I presume? If so, she couldn't ask someone to pay at such short notice. If I was the last minute person, I'd offer to pay of it was something I wanted to go to myself but if I was only going as a favor to your friend, id resent paying for something I hadn't planned or budgeted for.

Hope you're feeling OK.

Newmumatlast · 15/07/2022 18:23

I would ask your friend if she is therefore reimbursing you and if not, you'll contact the theatre to see if you can get a credit instead before it being given away for free.

WimpoleHat · 15/07/2022 18:23

That’s tricky. If you could’ve got a credit note/exchange, then she should have done that for you. But if it’s genuinely a case of it being used or not being used, then it was fair enough to give it to someone else, I think.

IAmSantaOhYesIAm · 15/07/2022 18:24

You could text your friend with something like ‘hey friend, glad name can go to the theatre with you, do you have my bank details to pass onto them so they can transfer the £40?’
And see what she says and take it from there. I’n these times we are living in though I’m thinking we should be prepared to lose money in these situations.
If it was me I’d definitely offer to pay for the ticket though.

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:24

We couldn't have got a refund or transfer as it's less than 48 hours to the performance.

I guess I didn't specifically say "please sell my ticket", but I also can't believe friend 1 and possibly friend 2 as well, thought it was fine to just profit from my bad luck without even offering anything for the ticket?

I would understand if friend 1 had tried to sell the ticket and had no takers, and was going to end up seeing it alone unless she gave the ticket away. But even then, ask me if I'm ok with that?

OP posts:
Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:26

OneTC · 15/07/2022 18:23

What were you gonna do with it?

Well, I would have asked around to see if anyone wanted to buy it. But I thought as friend 1 was going to be there, she'd rather organise for one of her friends to go? She doesn't know all of my friends or vice versa.

OP posts:
CapMarvel · 15/07/2022 18:29

You'd have to be a monumental arsehat to not offer to pay for the a ticket in such circumstances. Just ask for the money.

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:29

mineallmine · 15/07/2022 18:23

I actually think you have to pay for the ticket. It's a pain that you couldn't go but it was too late to get a refund on both tickets, I presume? If so, she couldn't ask someone to pay at such short notice. If I was the last minute person, I'd offer to pay of it was something I wanted to go to myself but if I was only going as a favor to your friend, id resent paying for something I hadn't planned or budgeted for.

Hope you're feeling OK.

I think this is how friend 1 is thinking, but I don't understand it? Why couldn't she ask if anyone wanted to go with her, paying for the ticket... before giving it as a gift without even trying to get my money or part of my money in return. Why can't you ask for payment at short notice? If friend 2 didn't want to pay, she could have said 'thanks but no'. And friend 1 could have asked someone else.

OP posts:
KarrotKake · 15/07/2022 18:29

Hmm, you'd spent the money already, so you are no financially wise off - tho of course you are not getting the benifit either.

Be nice if the friend of your friend offered - or maybe you could go halves on it? After all, it might not be exactly what they would choose to go see?

MargotMoon · 15/07/2022 18:31

If it was mine I'd have said - ask around and see if anyone wants to buy it and if not I can ask XYZ if they want to buy it. I'll consider taking less than face value so you don't have to go on your own.

Then if nobody took it I'd give it away for free as I'd hate for it to go unused/for my friend to go on their own

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:33

CapMarvel · 15/07/2022 18:29

You'd have to be a monumental arsehat to not offer to pay for the a ticket in such circumstances. Just ask for the money.

This is what I think, but I wonder if friend 2 thinks that friend 1 has generously paid for the tickets? I can't ask for the money, friend 1 has made it quite clear she has given the ticket away to friend 2 and 'doesn't feel she can ask for money at this point.' I can't say "well you have to!" or push it without a row happening. I'll just suck it up I guess, but friend 1 seems so sure she's not done anything wrong, I started wondering if it was me and maybe I was being crazy to expect not to pay for someone else to have a lovely theatre trip!

OP posts:
Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:35

MargotMoon · 15/07/2022 18:31

If it was mine I'd have said - ask around and see if anyone wants to buy it and if not I can ask XYZ if they want to buy it. I'll consider taking less than face value so you don't have to go on your own.

Then if nobody took it I'd give it away for free as I'd hate for it to go unused/for my friend to go on their own

This is what I should have done. I honestly thought I didn't have to spell it out. Or that friend 1 would just do something completely different without checking with me.

OP posts:
Blankbias · 15/07/2022 18:35

I think that if you are upset about not getting the money for it, then you should have arranged for the sale of the ticket. It’s not fair on your friend to have to do all the legwork. If it was me, I would have asked around, seen if someone wanted it at a reduced rate (personally I would have offered it for free as the money couldn’t be refunded anyway and I’d prefer for it not to be wasted). Or you could have said for your friend to find someone and you’d like ‘x’ amount for it. I wouldn’t see it as ‘profiteering’ from your bad luck, just that someone was happy to go with your friend to it didn’t ruin her night as well as yours.

Heroicallyl0st · 15/07/2022 18:35

I imagine it’s hurtful because your friend doesn’t care about your best interests. It’s irrelevant that you might have ended up £40 down anyway - it’s the lack of care.

I would clear up the miscommunication immediately - if you don’t look out for your best interests, other people won’t either. Just ask for the money for the ticket, and if they’re not going to pay, explain that they’ve misunderstood you and you’ll ask around to see if anyone else will buy it from you.

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:36

KarrotKake · 15/07/2022 18:29

Hmm, you'd spent the money already, so you are no financially wise off - tho of course you are not getting the benifit either.

Be nice if the friend of your friend offered - or maybe you could go halves on it? After all, it might not be exactly what they would choose to go see?

Karrot I would honestly be fine if she offered half. Or if there was any acknowledgement at all that it's a generous thing for me to give my ticket away!

OP posts:
Blankbias · 15/07/2022 18:36

TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:35

This is what I should have done. I honestly thought I didn't have to spell it out. Or that friend 1 would just do something completely different without checking with me.

Show quote history

I don’t understand what your friend has done ‘different’, as you didn’t ask her what you wanted from the ticket you couldn’t use.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 15/07/2022 18:37

There are 2 opposing views on this that you and your friend & her friend have.
to be honest if you didn’t ask her to see if anyone wanted to buy the ticket then I kind of think you’re at fault.
The only thing you can do now is say you’ll see if you can find someone to buy it but that may cause problems with your friend

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:38

Blankbias · 15/07/2022 18:35

I think that if you are upset about not getting the money for it, then you should have arranged for the sale of the ticket. It’s not fair on your friend to have to do all the legwork. If it was me, I would have asked around, seen if someone wanted it at a reduced rate (personally I would have offered it for free as the money couldn’t be refunded anyway and I’d prefer for it not to be wasted). Or you could have said for your friend to find someone and you’d like ‘x’ amount for it. I wouldn’t see it as ‘profiteering’ from your bad luck, just that someone was happy to go with your friend to it didn’t ruin her night as well as yours.

Not wanting to ruin my friend's night was exactly why I offered for her to find someone else to take the ticket rather than arranging it myself. Not all of our friends are mutuals and I thought she'd like to go with someone she knows well rather than an acquaintance or stranger. I wasn't trying to offload the work onto her - I was being considerate in letting her choose who she went with.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/07/2022 18:38

I think you have to pay.

Anyone who's agreeing to go so late in the day is doing it as at least a half-favour to your friend so she's not going alone.

If she goes alone her experience is ruined and you still have to pay for the ticket.

Swipe left for the next trending thread