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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays for this theatre ticket?

154 replies

TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:13

A friend got tickets for us to go to the theatre. I transferred her the money for my ticket (£40). Now I have tested positive for covid and can't go. (I'm feeling OK but I don't want to pass it on to anyone). I apologised to my friend and asked her if she knew anyone else who could go with her. She has found another friend who'd like to go which is great. But... she has given my ticket to the friend and not asked for any money for it? She said she 'didn't feel she could ask for money at this point'.

I don't really get what that means. The show is tomorrow. £40 is not a small amount for me. As far as I am concerned, my friend has given my ticket away as a gift to her friend without asking me if this is ok. I'm pretty sure the other friend doesn't know I've paid for it! She's not acknowledged it in any way; if it was me I would message the person who'd paid and say "Are you sure that's OK, would you like any money for it?" If they said no I would obviously want to thank them.

I feel pissed off about the whole thing but can't think of a way to express this to first friend as she clearly thinks she's been totally reasonable.

OP posts:
Gr33ngr33ngr4ss · 15/07/2022 19:04

If your friend couldn't find anyone to go with, she'd potentially lose her £40 too if she didn't want to go alone . Is not ruining everyone's night not the better option? It's not her fault you got covid.

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 19:07

Gr33ngr33ngr4ss · 15/07/2022 19:04

If your friend couldn't find anyone to go with, she'd potentially lose her £40 too if she didn't want to go alone . Is not ruining everyone's night not the better option? It's not her fault you got covid.

I totally agree, and if she'd tried to sell it (or asked me to) and we couldn't find anyone then I would definitely say let someone use it for free. It's the fact she just presumed it was ok with me to give it away, that bothers me.

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 15/07/2022 19:08

if there was any acknowledgement at all that it's a generous thing for me to give my ticket away

But you aren't feeling generous, you're really annoyed about it Confused

spotcheck · 15/07/2022 19:09

That's true, it is hurtful. Her priority has been to make sure she still has someone to go with, and it doesn't matter if I've lost £40

Well, no.
She probably thought that since you couldn’t go, and couldn’t refund the ticket, the money was already gone, so she may as well give it away.
Would you REALLY have wanted your friend to go alone? Or not at all?
She probably felt the other friend was doing her a favour, so didn’t feel she could ask for money as well.

Yes, it would have been great if an offer would have been made, but I think you’re being a bit sour grapes about it

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 19:10

DurhamDurham · 15/07/2022 19:08

if there was any acknowledgement at all that it's a generous thing for me to give my ticket away

But you aren't feeling generous, you're really annoyed about it Confused

Lol yes I am! Because I didn't agree to it!

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 15/07/2022 19:11

Was the show sold out?

surreygirl1987 · 15/07/2022 19:12

*That's true, it is hurtful. Her priority has been to make sure she still has someone to go with, and it doesn't matter if I've lost £40.

I feel pretty certain it would cause a nasty situation if I insist on payment or say I'd rather sell it to someone else. I don't think I will speak up but I am quite taking aback at the selfishness.*

Whoah. I think you're being really unfair. Have you considered that you might be being the selfish one here? Your friend has paid £40 as well remember, and has had her evening out ruined through no fault of her own! So if giving away the ticket to have someone to go with, ensures that her ticket isn't wasted, I really think that's fair enough.

Also, she may genuinely have assumed you meant to give the ticket away, as it'sreally quite hard to sell a ticket at such h short notice! (Especially when it wouldn't be fair on her to sell to a random stranger!). It's really common for people to give away tickets they know they'll not use. My local Facebook is full of them. If they're going to waste anyway, it's nice to know they'll be used. I've done that myself before and was pleased they were used instead of wasted!

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 19:13

spotcheck · 15/07/2022 19:09

That's true, it is hurtful. Her priority has been to make sure she still has someone to go with, and it doesn't matter if I've lost £40

Well, no.
She probably thought that since you couldn’t go, and couldn’t refund the ticket, the money was already gone, so she may as well give it away.
Would you REALLY have wanted your friend to go alone? Or not at all?
She probably felt the other friend was doing her a favour, so didn’t feel she could ask for money as well.

Yes, it would have been great if an offer would have been made, but I think you’re being a bit sour grapes about it

I am feeling sour grapes you're quite right. I've not only lost the chance for a nice night out, I've lost the money too. No, I didn't want my friend to go alone. But there was another option: offer the ticket around but explain how much it cost. Then friend 1 hasn't lost her evening and I haven't lost my money.

OP posts:
featheryfancy · 15/07/2022 19:13

Sorry, I agree YABU.

The money is already spent, and while not intentional on your part, if your friend can't find someone to go with her, her night is ruined by you not going as planned.

At such late notice if the now spare ticket was mine, my priority would be ensuring my friend had someone to go with so both of our evenings weren't ruined and both money wasted as she's not going to go alone.

I'd agree with you about it being unreasonable to not try to recoup your ticket price if it were a group going, as in that situation the only person who would be losing out if the ticket couldn't be sold would be you.

CottonSock · 15/07/2022 19:13

I think yabu. If she didn't have sooner to go with it might spoil her night too. You are unrealistic to expect cash for a ticket being offered last minute, unless its a sold out show or something.

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 19:13

gobbynorthernbird · 15/07/2022 19:11

Was the show sold out?

Yes, it was.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 15/07/2022 19:14

If I’d had that initial conversation with you as described in your OP, Id have taken it to mean “can you find someone else to go with you, so you don’t waste your ticket too?”

Not, “can you find someone who’ll buy my ticket?”

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 19:15

surreygirl1987 · 15/07/2022 19:12

*That's true, it is hurtful. Her priority has been to make sure she still has someone to go with, and it doesn't matter if I've lost £40.

I feel pretty certain it would cause a nasty situation if I insist on payment or say I'd rather sell it to someone else. I don't think I will speak up but I am quite taking aback at the selfishness.*

Whoah. I think you're being really unfair. Have you considered that you might be being the selfish one here? Your friend has paid £40 as well remember, and has had her evening out ruined through no fault of her own! So if giving away the ticket to have someone to go with, ensures that her ticket isn't wasted, I really think that's fair enough.

Also, she may genuinely have assumed you meant to give the ticket away, as it'sreally quite hard to sell a ticket at such h short notice! (Especially when it wouldn't be fair on her to sell to a random stranger!). It's really common for people to give away tickets they know they'll not use. My local Facebook is full of them. If they're going to waste anyway, it's nice to know they'll be used. I've done that myself before and was pleased they were used instead of wasted!

Those are fair points and I appreciate the different outlook on it.
I would say that on my local pages, people usually ask for money when offering on tickets. Possibly it's a less affluent area or just different expectations.

OP posts:
Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 19:17

CottonSock · 15/07/2022 19:13

I think yabu. If she didn't have sooner to go with it might spoil her night too. You are unrealistic to expect cash for a ticket being offered last minute, unless its a sold out show or something.

It was sold out. I'm not sure how much of a difference that makes but just FYI.

I definitely wanted her to have someone to go with... I just didn't know she'd go straight to giving my ticket away as Plan A.

OP posts:
PresidentByeThen · 15/07/2022 19:18

PuppyMonkey · 15/07/2022 19:14

If I’d had that initial conversation with you as described in your OP, Id have taken it to mean “can you find someone else to go with you, so you don’t waste your ticket too?”

Not, “can you find someone who’ll buy my ticket?”

I would too- at such short notice I would presume you were saying 'can you find' not 'can you SELL'

Blankbias · 15/07/2022 19:18

TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 19:13

I am feeling sour grapes you're quite right. I've not only lost the chance for a nice night out, I've lost the money too. No, I didn't want my friend to go alone. But there was another option: offer the ticket around but explain how much it cost. Then friend 1 hasn't lost her evening and I haven't lost my money.

Show quote history

You should have stated that option to your friend then. She’s not a mind reader. Obviously I don’t know your relationship, but my friend group would have just offered the ticket for free (and have done in the past) as wouldn’t have wanted the other friend to have their night ruined. It’s not just the cost of the ticket, there’s transport, drinks, possibly food that they wouldn’t have otherwise budgeted for, and as a PP has said - if they had really wanted to go they’d have already bought a ticket. I’d be grateful to the friend that has the ticket, she’s ensured it’s not wasted and that your friend can still enjoy the night out that she’s been looking forward too.

surreygirl1987 · 15/07/2022 19:19

Maybe but I think it's to do with notice as well. If i knew I wasn't attending a a few weeks in advance I might try to sell a ticket to something (depending on repercussions to anyone I was supposed to be going with)... but a couple of days beforehand I'd just cut my losses as unlikely I'd find someone.

surreygirl1987 · 15/07/2022 19:20

I am feeling sour grapes you're quite right. I've not only lost the chance for a nice night out, I've lost the money too. No, I didn't want my friend to go alone. But there was another option: offer the ticket around but explain how much it cost. Then friend 1 hasn't lost her evening and I haven't lost my money

But what if nobody wanted to buy it and she ended up not going? I assume you wouldn't have offered to pay for her wasted ticket?!

Loveisnotloving · 15/07/2022 19:21

ChinBristles · 15/07/2022 18:46

YABU sorry.

If someone asked me last minute to accompany them so they didn't go alone, I'd say yes to them, at least partially as a favour. Because if I wanted to see that show I would have booked tickets myself! I personally WOULD offer the money but I can see how that hasn't happened.

Personally I would just be glad that poor friend can have a nice evening after all.

This.

With sugar on the top.

surreygirl1987 · 15/07/2022 19:22

I definitely wanted her to have someone to go with... I just didn't know she'd go straight to giving my ticket away as Plan A.
But she's not a mind reader. I would have assumed you meant give it away for free as well, to try to prevent her from having her night ruined!

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 19:24

surreygirl1987 · 15/07/2022 19:22

I definitely wanted her to have someone to go with... I just didn't know she'd go straight to giving my ticket away as Plan A.
But she's not a mind reader. I would have assumed you meant give it away for free as well, to try to prevent her from having her night ruined!

There was definitely some awareness i might have liked payment though, or why did she mention money?

I do appreciate the thoughts and comments though, even the disagreeing ones. I'll take it on board. Thanks to everyone who has replied with their opinions.

OP posts:
ChinBristles · 15/07/2022 19:25

@Loveisnotloving ooh, my first "this", thank you!

Yes, it's enough of a pest for friend's plans to be changed without her having to be an ad hoc ticketmaster , canvassing punters and collecting money as well.

If it were a month in advance, my answer would be different.

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 19:31

ChinBristles · 15/07/2022 19:25

@Loveisnotloving ooh, my first "this", thank you!

Yes, it's enough of a pest for friend's plans to be changed without her having to be an ad hoc ticketmaster , canvassing punters and collecting money as well.

If it were a month in advance, my answer would be different.

I totally would have offered to do the selling if she didn't care who she went with!

OP posts:
unname · 15/07/2022 19:32

Maybe the friend will offer later. That's what I did when the same thing happened to me a few days ago. (Friend asked if I was free just in case her friend tested positive.)

I didn't ask how much until we were on the way there. She had paid for it herself so said not to worry about it. I was willing to pay, but I would have done the same if I were in her shoes.

I think you should let it go. You were not going to be able to sell the ticket, and it's no one's fault that you have covid. You surely didn't want to wreck your friend's night along with your own? Her friend may have zero interest in the show, and just be going along as a good sport.

Georgyporky · 15/07/2022 19:35

Just ask for the money - from both of them.

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