Who pays for this theatre ticket?

[TenpennyTwat]

A friend got tickets for us to go to the theatre. I transferred her the money for my ticket (£40). Now I have tested positive for covid and can't go. (I'm feeling OK but I don't want to pass it on to anyone). I apologised to my friend and asked her if she knew anyone else who could go with her. She has found another friend who'd like to go which is great. But... she has given my ticket to the friend and not asked for any money for it? She said she 'didn't feel she could ask for money at this point'.

I don't really get what that means. The show is tomorrow. £40 is not a small amount for me. As far as I am concerned, my friend has given my ticket away as a gift to her friend without asking me if this is ok. I'm pretty sure the other friend doesn't know I've paid for it! She's not acknowledged it in any way; if it was me I would message the person who'd paid and say "Are you sure that's OK, would you like any money for it?" If they said no I would obviously want to thank them.

I feel pissed off about the whole thing but can't think of a way to express this to first friend as she clearly thinks she's been totally reasonable.

I think you’re being totally unreasonable. You’ve got covid and risk leaving your friend attending alone, but you’d rather she spent the next 24 hours scrabbling around trying to get your money back and still potentially ending up going alone, while you sit at home and expect to be completely indemnified of all of the losses relating to your illness.

If I were in your shoes I would never have dreamed of expecting payment for the ticket at this late stage and I’d have been crossing my fingers that my friend found anyone to go with so close to the time. Your friend would look very foolish and desperate if she couldn’t find anyone to buy at full price, so at the eleventh hour she suddenly started offering it to all of the same people for free because nobody had to wanted/been able to pay top whack for it.

If you’d treated me like this I’d never have bought tickets or agreed to attend anything as a pair in future.

Sorry I thinh you’re wrong here OP. Arranging for someone to take the ticket even without paying is a pain, you can’t expect your friend to organize a sale so close to the show. I suspect she has other things going on in her life and understandably her priority was finding someone who is free at such short notice. If I were the other friend I would have offered to pay IF i really wanted to go, but if I was just doing it so the other person didn’t have to go alone I wouldn’t expect to pay. You’re out the £40 either way. If you can’t afford it you shouldn’t have bought the tickets. I think your anger is misplaced, it’s just rotten luck. Most of us have lost a lot more than £40 due to Covid related circumstances and it’s a shame but it’s not your friend’s responsibility to make it up to you.

OP, I know you say you think she should have tried to sell the ticket first, but in my opinion that’s not realistic. There’s about 24 hours to go - a tall order to get anyone to go at all at such short notice, let alone to get payment. At what point would you have thought it reasonable for her to say “it hasn’t sold, please can I try to ask someone to just come with me so my night isn’t ruined?” 6 hours? 12 hours? The longer the time spent trying to sell (which is unlikely unless it’s the hottest ticket in town), the less time to find someone to go.

Where I do agree with you is your friend (and her friend, if she knows the situation) should have been a bit more appreciative. If it were me in friend 1’s position, I’d have said thanks so much for letting so and so use the ticket, means I can try to have a nice evening after all (or something), not just given it away with a bit of a shrug

But you'd lost that £40 as soon as you turned positive for covid.

I think that yabu.

It would be lovely if there was an offer towards it, but I'm afraid that not being able to choose where and when the tickets were, would not want me to pay the £40 as I'd rather pay more if I wanted to go to sit where I wanted to and when....

If you'd wanted money then that was your task to have sought a paying replacement that would be a suitable company for your friend.

I've done this before 😳

Me, Mum, DD & my sister all booked to see a musical. My sister couldn't make it at the last minute (morning of the show) so I gave the ticket away to Dd's friend.

I remember the Mum asking if I wanted anything for it and I refused because the seat would just have had coats dumped on it if her DD didn't come.

I never even mentioned it to my sister, so no idea if she was secretly fuming!

I think YABU. She didn't really have many options. Either give the ticket to a friend and guarantee having someone to go with or going alone or with someone she hardly knows.

You had already spent the money so not lost anything.

I agree with this. Both my friend and I have managed to double book ourselves when we've had theatre tickets recently. We both just held our hands up and said our mistake - please find someone to use the ticket. The friends who've taken up the offer wouldn't necessarily have been able to jafford/ustify the price of the ticket but thoroughly enjoyed a night out with a friend.

YABVU now with your update

You let your friend down at the last minute. The reason is pretty unimportant. Your friend was left to find another person to go to the venue with, or waste her own ticket too. Through no fault of her own. Thinking she had a free ticket to make finding a last minute companion much easier, when you had already lost your money as too late for a refund, is not unreasonable. The only time this scenario would be unreasonable would be if you thought she'd sold the ticket & kept the money

I can see why you are disappointed but it is such short notice.

I love the opera and hadnt been able to go much the last 2 years. A "friend" offered me at less than 2 weeks notice a ticket to ROH at full price £158. I took a few days before politely declining. Far too much £ and far too late. I went later in the season @£49. Someone had dropped out but there was no intention that there was a free ticket. In that situation I am no longer part of the in crowd at time of initial booking.

In your situation there might have been financial refunds, but leaving a friend to go on their own. I think you need to be gracious - you are the last minute-cancellor.

£40 might be too much for the second person to pay. But £20 would really take the sting out of being badly out of pocket, and would be a nice compromise.

I learned my lesson after being stiffed for a bus trip to see Riverdance after being asked if I wanted to go as friend had split up with her bf. I did her a favour accompanying her. Didn’t want to see it. Paid for the ffing privilege!! Why don’t people with tickets realise they do not hold their value when second-hand. You paid for this because you wanted to go. Person who is now going- yes they get a night out for free but that’s a night out they prob wouldn’t have chosen to pay for. No idea why anyone assumes they’ll get full face-value for an unwanted ticket!

And you make terms clear from the start. Once original buyer can’t go the worst thing surely is the ticket going to waste?? Standin is doing you a favour. If you wanted money back you should have got a refund. Friend has choice of going alone or also getting a refund. Most theatres are offering this for covid.

I’ve been in your friend’s situation. It’s extremely difficult to get someone to go to something like this at short notice. It’s difficult enough to ask someone to fill in without asking them for payment as well. In my situation I gave the ticket to another friend for free, but I gave the money myself to the sick friend (she assumed it was from my other friend and I let her think that, because she would have been embarrassed to think I’d paid for it). The whole situation is awkward. Please be kind to your friend. She may be expecting her friend to offer some money at the event. She may decide to give you something herself if her friend doesn’t offer. It’s rubbish that you can’t go but ultimately you’ve put her in a difficult position too and you’re at fault for not making it very clear that you wanted payment or else you wanted to get rid of it yourself.

you are the last minute-cancellor

I think this is key. It isn’t your fault you have covid but you dropping out did put your friend in a very difficult situation. She paid £40 for her ticket too.

Thanks everyone, I do appreciate the advice to let it go and especially those who have explained pleasantly why they

Normally the theatre will change the date for you if you test positive so she should have considered that first. I think she’s in the wrong to have given your ticket away. At the very least she could have said it’s half price or £10 off etc

Sorry, posted too soon

Why they think IABU. I see the other side of the situation better now and I never had any intention of making a big deal about it with my friend... I'm just disappointed to miss the show and lose the money I guess. Like most people I've missed out on lots of events over the past 2 years and I was really looking forward to this one. I think I felt a bit hurt by what happened but I do see it's just about the logistics.

I did want to clarify again that I didn't want my friend to go alone or with a stranger. And I found out last night so it was more like 48 hours notice rather than less than 24, but unfortunately by the time I contacted the theatre it was too late to transfer the tickets.

I do accept IWBU not to confirm what was happening about payments and not to realise friend 2 is kind of doing her a favour. I see a more balanced view now and will chalk it up to experience.

I'm feeling a bit ropey now with a headache so I'm going to get some rest and forget about it all.

Did you try emailing the theatre? As they’ve exceptionally transferred my tickets. Guess if you tell them you’ll come anyway they might have changed their mind!! Too late anyway and I guess you’ll have to suck it up. It’s so hard arranging anything right now incase you or someone in your party get covid. Both my kids have it, they are flying to visit their dad next week. So stressful

OP I see you updated to say you have a more balanced view now. I too agree with your friend, I’ve been in this situation before as both the ticket giver and ticket accepter. It is very short notice to be trying to sell the ticket so offering the ticket for free is the best option. You are the one cancelling, you lost the money when you tested positive, it is not your friend’s job to be looking for someone to sell the ticket too. It will have been difficult enough to get someone to come out at short notice, it’s not something you can ask of any friend - they must be available, have someone to look after the children, not work in the evening and also not mind being a last minute choice (plenty of people get offended at that). Your friend really did nothing wrong.

When my dd was Ill and couldn’t go to the theatre with me, I asked a friend if she wanted to go. I had paid for both tickets. My friend did offer to pay but I refused, she did buy me a drink and drove us there in her car. I didn’t feel tight taking any money from her. I appreciate this is a slightly different senario.

I'm just disappointed to miss the show and lose the money I guess. Like most people I've missed out on lots of events over the past 2 years and I was really looking forward to this one.

That's totally understandable, it isn't your fault either, just the shite life throws at us sometimes

Glad you can see the other side and hope you're feeling better soon. I'm just getting over covid myself.

One other perspective - if you thunk about it, it would be a bit embarrassing of your friend to offer to sell it to her friend. It's kind of, I didn't want to go with you in the first place but now I'm stuck, I'll try to sell you the ticket. A little bit insulting to the person being asked to buy it.

Whereas if she passed it on, it's asking the other person to do a favour so really not insulting in the same way.

You are selfish not your friend. You haven’t lost £40 you spent £40 a while back. Yet you would rather she went alone out of pettiness?
if you had gone to the theatre you still would have spent £40

I think if I had Covid and couldn't go, I would be concerned in case my friend also decided not to go. After all, part of the pleasure of a theatre visit is enjoying it with a like minded friend. Drinks, discussion of event, catching up with each other before and at the interval. Not your fault, but also not your friend's fault if she didn't feel it wouldn't be the same on her own and therefore lost money for her ticket as well because of my Covid.

In these circumstances I think I would be pleased to be recompensed for half the cost of my ticket. Someone who maybe wouldn't have gone gets a nice evening they maybe wouldn't have considered at full price, my friend gets a companion to attend with her, and I get half my money back for a last minute cancelation. Fairly satisfactory under the circumstances all round.

Didn't finish message ..However, if this wasn't offered I would still prefer the ticket to be used. Very few people want to, or are able to go to the theatre at very short notice. In my experience it is usually an event planned and looked forward to for quite a while in advance. If I was asked to go at the last minute it would probably be for something I hadn't have considered at full price. I would probably be prepared to give it a go and keep a friend company at half price or for free. No one is obligated to make sure you don't take the hit when it's you who couldn't go and I would much prefer the ticket to be used.

Your friend had arranged to go with you. You - for a perfectly understandable reason - can’t go. That’s bad luck. But you can’t expect her to put herself out to try and recoup your money. And fair enough that she’s not left to go alone when she’d planned an evening with a friend. So not unreasonable that, if you couldn’t get a refund, that she did what she could with the ticket. None of this was down to her.