Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays for this theatre ticket?

154 replies

TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:13

A friend got tickets for us to go to the theatre. I transferred her the money for my ticket (£40). Now I have tested positive for covid and can't go. (I'm feeling OK but I don't want to pass it on to anyone). I apologised to my friend and asked her if she knew anyone else who could go with her. She has found another friend who'd like to go which is great. But... she has given my ticket to the friend and not asked for any money for it? She said she 'didn't feel she could ask for money at this point'.

I don't really get what that means. The show is tomorrow. £40 is not a small amount for me. As far as I am concerned, my friend has given my ticket away as a gift to her friend without asking me if this is ok. I'm pretty sure the other friend doesn't know I've paid for it! She's not acknowledged it in any way; if it was me I would message the person who'd paid and say "Are you sure that's OK, would you like any money for it?" If they said no I would obviously want to thank them.

I feel pissed off about the whole thing but can't think of a way to express this to first friend as she clearly thinks she's been totally reasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:40

Heroicallyl0st · 15/07/2022 18:35

I imagine it’s hurtful because your friend doesn’t care about your best interests. It’s irrelevant that you might have ended up £40 down anyway - it’s the lack of care.

I would clear up the miscommunication immediately - if you don’t look out for your best interests, other people won’t either. Just ask for the money for the ticket, and if they’re not going to pay, explain that they’ve misunderstood you and you’ll ask around to see if anyone else will buy it from you.

That's true, it is hurtful. Her priority has been to make sure she still has someone to go with, and it doesn't matter if I've lost £40.

I feel pretty certain it would cause a nasty situation if I insist on payment or say I'd rather sell it to someone else. I don't think I will speak up but I am quite taking aback at the selfishness.

OP posts:
Blankbias · 15/07/2022 18:41

TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:38

Not wanting to ruin my friend's night was exactly why I offered for her to find someone else to take the ticket rather than arranging it myself. Not all of our friends are mutuals and I thought she'd like to go with someone she knows well rather than an acquaintance or stranger. I wasn't trying to offload the work onto her - I was being considerate in letting her choose who she went with.

Show quote history

if that’s the case, then you should have definitely made it clear you wanted money. It’s really awkward trying to find someone at short notice, and then added uncomfortableness of your friend having to ask for cash when her friend is doing her a favour and going along with her.

Forestgate · 15/07/2022 18:42

I think you pulled out so last-minute yabu if you expect your friend to try and sell your ticket for you.

. If you had wanted money for it you should have tried to sell it yourself, however that would also have been unfair as your friend may not have wanted to go with whoever you randomly managed to sell it to at such short notice.

What you should have done is offer to sell both tickets and rearrange the theatre date with your friend, or accept that you have lost the 40

Confusion101 · 15/07/2022 18:45

There is a chance friend 2 will contact u after the show and say thanks so much for that ticket, really enjoyed the show, hope u are feeling better. That's what I would do rather than texting before the show, if I was lead to believe it was a gift! You'd be spending a lot more money if u were going to the show too so fuck it let it go

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 15/07/2022 18:46

I think you should have been explicit - does she want to go find someone to buy the ticket. Because under those circumstances she'd have probably said no. Instead you said find someone to bring/take the ticket. And she did.

roarfeckingroarr · 15/07/2022 18:46

No. You let her down, albeit not on purpose. She'd found someone to go with her as consolation. It's £40; you had paid already.

ChinBristles · 15/07/2022 18:46

YABU sorry.

If someone asked me last minute to accompany them so they didn't go alone, I'd say yes to them, at least partially as a favour. Because if I wanted to see that show I would have booked tickets myself! I personally WOULD offer the money but I can see how that hasn't happened.

Personally I would just be glad that poor friend can have a nice evening after all.

ChatterMonkey · 15/07/2022 18:47

I had similar recentlyy.

Had 2 tickets for a gig for 2020 that got rescheduled, i couldnt make the rescheduled dates and didnt organise any refunds so was going to have to take the hit.

Offered the tickets to my brother to use, and told him i didnt want anything for them as they would be going to waste otherwise.

However the person that went with him refused to take it for free and transfered me money.

So in your situation i think if i sort of judge the friend that got the free ticket cos she didn't offer, but i also think you shouldnt have expecred anything for it.

CapMarvel · 15/07/2022 18:47

Asking her mate if she knows anyone else who would want the ticket is hardly an imposition.

Surely most people would rather go with someone they know rather than the ticket just going to a random off ebay or whatever?

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:49

Confusion101 · 15/07/2022 18:45

There is a chance friend 2 will contact u after the show and say thanks so much for that ticket, really enjoyed the show, hope u are feeling better. That's what I would do rather than texting before the show, if I was lead to believe it was a gift! You'd be spending a lot more money if u were going to the show too so fuck it let it go

You may be right but I am not convinced. I will update if so!

Forestgate It was a show friend 1 particularly wanted to see, I don't think she would have been keen for me to sell her ticket. But she also didn't want to go alone.

I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing asking if she knew anyone who would want to go with her rather than selling it myself. I wanted her to have the choice of companions. I didn't realise I needed to specify it wasn't a gift to her choice of friend.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 15/07/2022 18:49

I was in a similar situation recently.

2 tickets for the theatre. Was going to go with my mum but she wasn't well and I wasn't interested enough to go without her.

I ended up giving both tickets to a colleague. She offered to give some money towards them but that didn't seem fair as it was very short notice. Mum and I were just glad that the tickets weren't wasted.

I have to say I'd have been a bit miffed if she hadn't even offered but our thinking was that the money was long gone from our pockets.

We lost out by not having a shared memory but financially, not going made no difference to us.

I think the onus was on you to have made it explicit to your friend if you had wanted her to try and sell the ticket rather than just find someone to take it off her hands.

surreygirl1987 · 15/07/2022 18:49

I think your friend is in the right. BUT I think you should both have communicated about whether you wanted the ticket selling or not. It might have been the only way she could have got someone else to come with so little notice and it's not her fault you're not going!

Mellowyellow222 · 15/07/2022 18:52

I agree you should have made it clear you wanted money for it. But most people would offer in these circumstances.

but in reality do you really think you could have found someone willing to pay to to to the theatre alone and sit beside a stranger. Your poor friend - that would be a bit awkward! It’s not like going completely alone because you would expected to make small talk about your mutual friend!

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:53

ChatterMonkey · 15/07/2022 18:47

I had similar recentlyy.

Had 2 tickets for a gig for 2020 that got rescheduled, i couldnt make the rescheduled dates and didnt organise any refunds so was going to have to take the hit.

Offered the tickets to my brother to use, and told him i didnt want anything for them as they would be going to waste otherwise.

However the person that went with him refused to take it for free and transfered me money.

So in your situation i think if i sort of judge the friend that got the free ticket cos she didn't offer, but i also think you shouldnt have expecred anything for it.

I feel the same as you and think friend 2 should offer something. If she wants to go enough to say yes, she could offer an amount towards the cost surely?
I have this niggling feeling she might think it's a generous gift from friend 1 though, rather than realising I've paid for it. This was all arranged this morning so she's had plenty of time to message and say "hey thanks for the ticket".

OP posts:
OchonAgusOchonOh · 15/07/2022 18:54

I would have assumed from your wording and the fact it was short notice that you didn't want money for it. I've had similar happen a few times and the person giving the ticket (including me) has never wanted money. That said, the recipient generally has made a token offer of paying but would have been surprised to have it accepted.

Confusion101 · 15/07/2022 18:54

Could it be she has offered friend 1 something and was told its OK?

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:55

surreygirl1987 · 15/07/2022 18:49

I think your friend is in the right. BUT I think you should both have communicated about whether you wanted the ticket selling or not. It might have been the only way she could have got someone else to come with so little notice and it's not her fault you're not going!

I do take your point and I am pretty sure friend 1 feels the same way as you and thinks she is justified. Personally I can't imagine doing this myself - as friend 1 OR friend 2 - without at least checking if the ticket buyer wanted something towards it though.

OP posts:
Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:56

Confusion101 · 15/07/2022 18:54

Could it be she has offered friend 1 something and was told its OK?

It's very possible!!! Ahhh, I am quite cross with friend 1 I have to say!

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 15/07/2022 18:56

Have you actually checked if the theatre would transfer your tickets to another date due to the covid situation? Some theatres have been doing this but I don't think it's advertised well.

It's definitely cheeky that they haven't offered you money. I think I'd have to say something, it's difficult to know how to phrase it correctly though.

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:58

OchonAgusOchonOh · 15/07/2022 18:54

I would have assumed from your wording and the fact it was short notice that you didn't want money for it. I've had similar happen a few times and the person giving the ticket (including me) has never wanted money. That said, the recipient generally has made a token offer of paying but would have been surprised to have it accepted.

Fair enough, I do appreciate the different viewpoints. It could easily be that friend 1 has just been on a different page about the issue, or maybe slightly thoughtless rather than actually selfish.

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 15/07/2022 18:59

YANBU the friend who took the ticket or the friend who offer it for free.

Not you.

DyingForACuppa · 15/07/2022 18:59

I apologised to my friend and asked her if she knew anyone else who could go with her.

This sounds like your concern is for your friend having someone to go with after you've had to back out, not that you are trying to get the money back. It's just a miscommunication between you, neither of you has been unreasonable.

Next time spell out you are asking them to sell the ticket (which is a much harder ask!), not just find someone to go with them.

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:59

TidyDancer · 15/07/2022 18:56

Have you actually checked if the theatre would transfer your tickets to another date due to the covid situation? Some theatres have been doing this but I don't think it's advertised well.

It's definitely cheeky that they haven't offered you money. I think I'd have to say something, it's difficult to know how to phrase it correctly though.

Thank you, normally they do transfer but apparently not with less than 48 hours notice. They don't seem to mind if covid positive people turn up!

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 15/07/2022 19:01

Forestgate · 15/07/2022 18:42

I think you pulled out so last-minute yabu if you expect your friend to try and sell your ticket for you.

. If you had wanted money for it you should have tried to sell it yourself, however that would also have been unfair as your friend may not have wanted to go with whoever you randomly managed to sell it to at such short notice.

What you should have done is offer to sell both tickets and rearrange the theatre date with your friend, or accept that you have lost the 40

This, OP.

Your friend has arranged a Saturday night theatre trip with you.

Part of the fun of the trip will be the company you're with.

Through no fault of your own, you can't carry out your side of the plan.

I would have felt awkward in asking for the new taker for money too, if I was your friend. I'd have either tried to sell the pair, or given one away.

Riverlee · 15/07/2022 19:04

The person buying the ticket should have offered some money, even if it were half the amount.