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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays for this theatre ticket?

154 replies

TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:13

A friend got tickets for us to go to the theatre. I transferred her the money for my ticket (£40). Now I have tested positive for covid and can't go. (I'm feeling OK but I don't want to pass it on to anyone). I apologised to my friend and asked her if she knew anyone else who could go with her. She has found another friend who'd like to go which is great. But... she has given my ticket to the friend and not asked for any money for it? She said she 'didn't feel she could ask for money at this point'.

I don't really get what that means. The show is tomorrow. £40 is not a small amount for me. As far as I am concerned, my friend has given my ticket away as a gift to her friend without asking me if this is ok. I'm pretty sure the other friend doesn't know I've paid for it! She's not acknowledged it in any way; if it was me I would message the person who'd paid and say "Are you sure that's OK, would you like any money for it?" If they said no I would obviously want to thank them.

I feel pissed off about the whole thing but can't think of a way to express this to first friend as she clearly thinks she's been totally reasonable.

OP posts:
StridTheKiller · 15/07/2022 19:35

YABVU OP. Please don't cause a scene with your friend and embarrass yourself.

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 19:37

There was a thread on here a while ago. I can't remember the specifics, but one of the posts was a woman who was meant to go on a trip and couldn't so she gave everything, travel, accomodation, the lot to a friend's mother. The mother gave her nothing. the PP thought that was fine as she would have lost her money anyway. I thought that was batshit.

Technically speaking, yes it's going to waste, but I don't know anyone IRL who wouldn't pay the bloody money!

ChinBristles · 15/07/2022 19:38

I don't think it's fair to ask her to go with a stranger OP just so you get your £40 back.

cushioncovers · 15/07/2022 19:42

You didn't specify that you wanted to sell your ticket you said to your friend did she know anyone else she could go with. So it's not up to your friend to try to get you your money back. You've lost the £40 regardless.

girlmom21 · 15/07/2022 19:44

I totally would have offered to do the selling if she didn't care who she went with!

You didn't tell her that.

VQ1970 · 15/07/2022 19:46

I think you've accepted that the communication could have been better and you know you've lost your money but I would absolutely be messaging friend 2 the day after and saying 'I hope you enjoyed the show, I'm gutted I missed it. I'm really glad you were able to make use of my ticket so it didn't go to waste. Bloody Covid!'

that way it makes it clear that it was your ticket and not a generous gesture from friend 1 and she might offer to pay. Or she might even say 'thanks, hope friend 1 passed on the £40 I asked her to give to you'

Floralnomad · 15/07/2022 19:49

I think it’s perfectly reasonable for her to just gift the ticket in these circumstances . YABU .

Popsicle33 · 15/07/2022 19:54

Are you sure your friend isn't getting money for the ticket?! It's your own fault for making it clear that you expected whoever it was to ay for it.

MasterBeth · 15/07/2022 19:57

Sunk cost fallacy. You’ve already lost the money. The ticket can’t be refunded. Why didn’t you sell the ticket yourself if you wanted money for it.

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 20:03

MasterBeth · 15/07/2022 19:57

Sunk cost fallacy. You’ve already lost the money. The ticket can’t be refunded. Why didn’t you sell the ticket yourself if you wanted money for it.

I would say she quite reasonably assumed that the pal would pay.

Original poster
TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 20:04

Thanks everyone, the range of opinions is interesting and shows how friend 1 and I can both think we're in the right.

To the poster who said please don't make a scene, I never had any intention of doing so, or of making her go with a stranger, as someone else accused me of.

OP posts:
surreygirl1987 · 15/07/2022 20:05

I totally would have offered to do the selling if she didn't care who she went with!
Yes... and I would assume she would care who she went with? I would!

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 20:05

StridTheKiller · 15/07/2022 19:35

YABVU OP. Please don't cause a scene with your friend and embarrass yourself.

"cause a scene" Embarass herself? are you OK?

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 20:06

but who takes a free ticket tho?! If it goes to waste thats OP's choice, its hers! If it becomes yours, you pay for it!

MasterBeth · 15/07/2022 20:07

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 20:03

I would say she quite reasonably assumed that the pal would pay.

Show quote history

You know what they say about assumptions…

MasterBeth · 15/07/2022 20:10

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 20:06

but who takes a free ticket tho?! If it goes to waste thats OP's choice, its hers! If it becomes yours, you pay for it!

I would take a free ticket if Friend One offered me one. Why wouldn’t I?

”Are you sure?”

”Yeah, my other friend has Covid and can’t go now, so she asked me if I knew anyone who’d want it.”

caringcarer · 15/07/2022 20:14

With less than 24 hours before show you could not use the ticket so unless it was given away it would just be wasted. If you wanted paying for it then you should have said so to your friend when you said you could not go. Yabvu.

RockinHorseShit · 15/07/2022 20:17

I think you need to let it go & put it down to experience & learn to be clearer in your expectations next time.

Tickets often come up last minute here amongst our wider friendship group for various reasons, covid being a common one lately & when so last minute p, unless fir a very sort after event where it's easy, they are generally not sold on, but given away just so the friends yiu were meant to go with can still go

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 20:18

MasterBeth · 15/07/2022 20:10

I would take a free ticket if Friend One offered me one. Why wouldn’t I?

”Are you sure?”

”Yeah, my other friend has Covid and can’t go now, so she asked me if I knew anyone who’d want it.”

Show quote history

You miss my point. It wasn't a free ticket. Who would just assume it was?

caringcarer · 15/07/2022 20:22

I very much doubt someone would buy it as face value at such short notice. Of they had wanted to see it that much they would have bought their own ticket. They probably just agreed to go to save your friend having to go alone and think they are doing you a favour to stop ticket being wasted or your friend having to go alone. You are feeling unwell with Covid, upset you are missing show but don't get angry with your friend it is not her fault.

Deadringer · 15/07/2022 20:27

You bought a ticket and then couldn't go, you lost the money at that point. If you wanted your friend to sell the ticket for you you should have been clear about it, not ask her to see if she could get someone to go with her. The other friend should have offered to pay imo, but she didn't, so that's that really.

Loveisnotloving · 15/07/2022 20:28

Less than 24 hours to go, the ticket would have gone to waste. Rather than go on her todd your friend asked another friend to go with her using the ticket that would have expired and gone in the bin.

Your friend wanted to go to this show because she bought the tickets of which you paid for one as you wanted to go too. You get Covid with 24 hours to go and you want the friend who originally bought the tickets to ring a friend and ask her if she wants to buy a ticket for £40 quid to go to a show tomorrow with her because you can't go?

So literally you would rather that your friend didn't go because she had nobody to go with and your ticket went in the bin rather than give to to someone who would go with her at short notice because you want her to pay £40 quid for a ticket for a show she had no intention of going to or else she would have bought her own.

Are you for fucking real?

brighterthanaluckypenny · 15/07/2022 20:31

I wouldn't have paid £40 for a random show, but I'd probably have agreed to accompany a friend at short notice as a favour.

In my circle of friends, if you ask if someone wants to go see a show, the implication is that you are offering them a free plus one.

If you couldn't get a refund from the venue (which you couldn't), you'd already lost the £40. I don't see what your friend has done wrong.

As you had very different expectations, I think it was on you to be clear. You weren't.

I'm sorry you've missed out, but Covid is just shit. Covid is at fault here, not your mate.

Helpyou · 15/07/2022 20:32

I had covid a couple of weeks back and had a weekend away planned with a good friend. The first thing I did when I got my positive covid test was to call my friend and ask her if she wanted to take her partner or another friend to take me place. And I explicitly said I didn't want any money. I'd much rather them make use of it as I wasn't able go go and had already spent the money.

As it happens, my friend read the small print and we were able to get a full refund and will rebook. But I honestly wouldn't have dreamt of asking for money. The money (before I read the small print) was lost so I'd rather someone use it than not!

JoelyJoe · 15/07/2022 20:32

The thing is, if your friend had not found someone to go with, then she would have had to go alone. Which would have been a pretty crappy evening for her, or maybe she would have decided not to go. In which case both tickets would have gone to waste, and you both would have been down £40 for no good reason.

So I guess she thought you had written off the ticket for yourself (as that's the way it goes with Covid at the moment), but had told her to find someone to take, so the tickets would not be wasted. There's probably a good chance that she would not have found someone to go with at such short notice, if she was selling the ticket - therefore her still having a good night, and both tickets being used is a good outcome.

All very annoying for you - I can see that. But I agree with a previous poster that if you were dead set on getting money for it, then that was for you to sort out, not your friend. Unfortunately I think you will have to write this off. (Though for what it's worth, if I was the friend getting the free ticket, I would offer to pay for it, and assume that we'd come to an agreement to pay half each.)