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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays for this theatre ticket?

154 replies

TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 18:13

A friend got tickets for us to go to the theatre. I transferred her the money for my ticket (£40). Now I have tested positive for covid and can't go. (I'm feeling OK but I don't want to pass it on to anyone). I apologised to my friend and asked her if she knew anyone else who could go with her. She has found another friend who'd like to go which is great. But... she has given my ticket to the friend and not asked for any money for it? She said she 'didn't feel she could ask for money at this point'.

I don't really get what that means. The show is tomorrow. £40 is not a small amount for me. As far as I am concerned, my friend has given my ticket away as a gift to her friend without asking me if this is ok. I'm pretty sure the other friend doesn't know I've paid for it! She's not acknowledged it in any way; if it was me I would message the person who'd paid and say "Are you sure that's OK, would you like any money for it?" If they said no I would obviously want to thank them.

I feel pissed off about the whole thing but can't think of a way to express this to first friend as she clearly thinks she's been totally reasonable.

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 15/07/2022 22:26

Yabvvu
It's not your friends fault it was too late for a refund. It is tough but that's the way it is in these covid times. We all know the risks when we make plans these days. I do feel for you but your friend is being perfectly reasonable.
Don't risk losing a friend over money that was spent anyway.

hoping2021 · 15/07/2022 22:29

I think you should let it go. You wouldn't have been able to use and it would've gone to waste otherwise. Just wish them well.

Ottersmith · 15/07/2022 22:39

I work in a box office and we allowed refunds or exchanges for Covid because we don't want ill people making the staff I'll. But I suppose it depends on the venue / performance. It still has the old rules written on the website but when you speak to someone they can often help. If it's sold out and you are in the UK it's quite likely they would have returns where they will refund you if they find someone to buy your ticket. It's tricky when someone else buys it because you need all the details and you need to pretend to be them when you call but this is something to consider for next time.

Borisisafecklesstoad · 15/07/2022 22:47

I think you have to be a friend here too. Chances are you dont enjoy going to a show by yourself and neither does your friend. At least your friend gets to go with someone.

If i had been offered the ticket at late notice i would have sent flowers to the ill person who couldn't go.

If i was the sick person I'd be happy my friend was still able to enjoy her night.

I think YABU

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 15/07/2022 22:48

I think YANBU. A friend and I were in the same
situation a couple of weeks ago. My friend,
who’d booked tickets, came down with Covid,
so she asked me if there was someone else I’d like to go with. I found another friend to go with me, and I transferred the money to my Covided friend. Why should she have to pay for someone she doesn’t even know very well to have a night out? If my other friend hadn’t wanted to come, first friend could have offered the ticket as a return or sold it on.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 15/07/2022 22:51

Bless ya op! So graciously navigated!

OP comes on asking AIBU. Posters come on saying yea because abc…
OP carefully considers replies. Returns to say wow I never thought of it like that. Thanks all for posting. I see now I was B a bit U. Cheers folks.

Is this a first for AIBU??! 🤗

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 22:58

ZealAndArdour · 15/07/2022 20:33

I think you’re being totally unreasonable. You’ve got covid and risk leaving your friend attending alone, but you’d rather she spent the next 24 hours scrabbling around trying to get your money back and still potentially ending up going alone, while you sit at home and expect to be completely indemnified of all of the losses relating to your illness.

If I were in your shoes I would never have dreamed of expecting payment for the ticket at this late stage and I’d have been crossing my fingers that my friend found anyone to go with so close to the time. Your friend would look very foolish and desperate if she couldn’t find anyone to buy at full price, so at the eleventh hour she suddenly started offering it to all of the same people for free because nobody had to wanted/been able to pay top whack for it.

If you’d treated me like this I’d never have bought tickets or agreed to attend anything as a pair in future.

"You've got covid" you say this as if she did it on purpose!

It was fine for her friend to invite someone, but she should reimburse OP!

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 22:59

RockinHorseShit · 15/07/2022 20:48

YABVU now with your update

You let your friend down at the last minute. The reason is pretty unimportant. Your friend was left to find another person to go to the venue with, or waste her own ticket too. Through no fault of her own. Thinking she had a free ticket to make finding a last minute companion much easier, when you had already lost your money as too late for a refund, is not unreasonable. The only time this scenario would be unreasonable would be if you thought she'd sold the ticket & kept the money

Omg. the reason is crucial. SHE HAS COVID! She didn't let her down at all!

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 22:59

TenpennyTwat · 15/07/2022 21:23

Sorry, posted too soon

Why they think IABU. I see the other side of the situation better now and I never had any intention of making a big deal about it with my friend... I'm just disappointed to miss the show and lose the money I guess. Like most people I've missed out on lots of events over the past 2 years and I was really looking forward to this one. I think I felt a bit hurt by what happened but I do see it's just about the logistics.

I did want to clarify again that I didn't want my friend to go alone or with a stranger. And I found out last night so it was more like 48 hours notice rather than less than 24, but unfortunately by the time I contacted the theatre it was too late to transfer the tickets.

I do accept IWBU not to confirm what was happening about payments and not to realise friend 2 is kind of doing her a favour. I see a more balanced view now and will chalk it up to experience.

I'm feeling a bit ropey now with a headache so I'm going to get some rest and forget about it all.

Youve done nothing wrong. Nothing. You were reasonable to expect to be reimbursed.

ErinAoife · 15/07/2022 23:01

If I couldn't go to a performance at such short notice, I will give away my ticket. If the person who get offer me money towards it great if not I much prefer that someone use it that going to the bin.

FredandFloReadyToGo · 15/07/2022 23:07

featheryfancy · 15/07/2022 19:13

Sorry, I agree YABU.

The money is already spent, and while not intentional on your part, if your friend can't find someone to go with her, her night is ruined by you not going as planned.

At such late notice if the now spare ticket was mine, my priority would be ensuring my friend had someone to go with so both of our evenings weren't ruined and both money wasted as she's not going to go alone.

I'd agree with you about it being unreasonable to not try to recoup your ticket price if it were a group going, as in that situation the only person who would be losing out if the ticket couldn't be sold would be you.

Agree with this. YABVU.

You can't go, you can't get a refund. The money is spent anyway. With less than 48 hours notice how likely is it you'd find someone to buy it anyway?

You say you're can't afford to lose the money but you'd already spent the money? It doesn't make sense.

TokenGinger · 15/07/2022 23:11

It wouldn't even occur to me that somebody else should be out of pocket because I'm unable to stick to my commitment. I'd just be glad the ticket wasn't being wasted, but I wouldn't be pissed off that somebody was stepping in to make sure the ticket gets used.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 16/07/2022 07:24

I really don’t understand the responses here. The second friend isn’t nobly stepping in, shouldering the burden of accompanying friend 1. She’s getting a lovely treat at the expense of the OP, who’s had the bad luck to get Covid.

Maybebabyno2 · 16/07/2022 07:50

It wouldn't occur to me that I would get any money back in this instance. The money has already been spent, you can't go (regardless of the reason) so your friend found someone else to go with her and prevent the ticket being wasted.

I would just be relieved she was still going so I didn't have to feel guilty about her wasting her money and missing out.

Timeandtune · 16/07/2022 08:00

I had a similar experience before COVID when I couldn’t go to an event with old fashioned flu.

I asked my friend if she knew of anyone else who would like to go. I made it clear that I wasn’t expecting any money for the ticket.
She ended up taking her sister who gave me the programme plus a John Lewis gift visit for more than the cost of the ticket.
The recipient of your ticket might be planning to do something similar?

Timeandtune · 16/07/2022 08:00

Gift voucher

WetWashing22 · 16/07/2022 08:08

YABU. Why should she have to sell your ticket for you? Especially at such short notice.

TemperTrap · 16/07/2022 08:31

This happened to me a few months ago. I was poorly and had an awful cough although testing negative.

I asked my friend if she wanted to find someone she knew for the ticket and did make it clear I'd like something back if possible but mostly didn't want my friend to go on her own.

She found someone, they said they'd give some money for the ticket then never did!
We've commented between us a couple of times about it and I'd never ask my friend to ask her for money but I was pissed off with the friend.

If she'd said, I'm really skint or I'm not fussed about the event but I'll come for company I'd probably have been fine as the money is spent, I'm losing out on the gig not the money. But she offered and then didn't pay which I think is shitty.

surreygirl1987 · 16/07/2022 12:51

I really don’t understand the responses here. The second friend isn’t nobly stepping in, shouldering the burden of accompanying friend 1. She’s getting a lovely treat at the expense of the OP, who’s had the bad luck to get Covid.

So you assume. But if I really wanted to see a show, I'd buy a ticket myself and see it.

girlmom21 · 16/07/2022 13:23

Omg. the reason is crucial. SHE HAS COVID! She didn't let her down at all!

She had to cancel plans last minute. Regardless of reason, that's letting someone down.

SW1amp · 16/07/2022 13:33

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 16/07/2022 07:24

I really don’t understand the responses here. The second friend isn’t nobly stepping in, shouldering the burden of accompanying friend 1. She’s getting a lovely treat at the expense of the OP, who’s had the bad luck to get Covid.

Not necessarily…

SIL desperately wanted to go to an event, and her friend dropped out

she still wanted to go, but was worried about walking around a city late at night, didn’t want to sit on her own, wanted company during the journey etc

I went with her, but only as a favour to enable her to go

Never in a million years would I regard it as a treat, and nor would I have paid a penny to go along

WimpoleHat · 16/07/2022 17:33

But if I really wanted to see a show, I'd buy a ticket myself and see it.

And you’d choose the date you wanted to go. And the seat you sat in. Etc. I don’t think you can equate “stepping in at the last minute as a favour” to “ having a lovely treat for which you should pay full whack”. OP (through no fault of her own) couldn’t go and left her friend without someone to go with. If the friend didn’t want to go alone, fair enough that she asked someone else to use an otherwise defunct ticket.

surreygirl1987 · 16/07/2022 20:03

I don’t think you can equate “stepping in at the last minute as a favour” to “ having a lovely treat for which you should pay full whack”.
Precisely

surreygirl1987 · 16/07/2022 20:05

I went with her, but only as a favour to enable her to go

Yep I've done that before too. I've been to some dull stuff that I didn't really want to go to, but stepped in so my friend had someone to go with. Still cost me travel cost to get there - no way would I have paid ticket price too!!

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/07/2022 20:48

If I were the ticket holding friend, I would have asked or said, something like 'do you want me to try and sell this to someone else' or 'I may not be able to sell it at full price, or at all, but I will try'.

I would absolutely have checked if you minded it being given, if I give something to someone, the cost of that gift is down to me - so if I felt I couldn't ask the other person for money, ID pay for it.. not stiff you.

This is assuming that the second friend actually really wants to go, if they're not that keen but are going as a favour so that no one has to go alone, that is a bit different.