To not understand how can you live on £60 a week?

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19 year old DD's social worker has arranged for her to have chaperone at her UC appointments which means she can now claim. She has severe anxiety and cannot leave the house without another person much less speak to a stranger.

I've just helped her fill out a form on Entitled To to check how much she would get.

£60 weekly.

How the fuck is she meant to survive on £60 a week?

Does this mean HMRC still expect me to fund her?

Obviously I will but if I refused what the feck is she supposed to do? how can she eat and clothe herself on £60 a week? What about contributing towards gas and electric? Paying for her mobile phone? Accessing social activities?

I just don't understand how this can be deemed enough to maintain any kind of standard of living?

They asked for my income so I assume they've taken this into account. They didn't ask if I was related to her so would a friend also be expected to feed and clothe her?

But she’s not an adult living in her own home, she’s your daughter, living in your home, and this money is really just pocket money for her.

£60 per week, for doing nothing, is more than enough for her needs.

OP this must be so difficult for you. Do you have a good support network - people who you can talk to about this?

i know a lot of people
on this thread have criticised how you have handled this / but I honestly don’t know what I would do in your position.

it must be so worrying. Are there any support groups you could join - it must be very lonely.

I don't want DD to have enough to be comfortable because I don't want her in this situation forever. I wanted to know how other people whose parents can't or won't help support them are expected to live off this amount.

I think you’re changing what you said OP. Your OP said How the fuck is she meant to survive on £60 a week? Does this mean HMRC still expect me to fund her?

You also asked What about contributing towards gas and electric?

I don’t think it’s any more ridiculous than the OP being upset at the money that her daughter is being given, when as far as the system is concerned she’s a normal, healthy young adult who could be working.

If and when she is able to demonstrate the issues which she has she will rightly be able to receive a higher amount through various other benefits.

@phishy I've explained several times throughout the thread my confusion was for people who have parents who can't or won't support them financially. DD will be fine. She has me. I can just about afford to support and will my hardest to do so.

£60 isn't really enough to pay anything meaningful towards the cost of her living here and wouldn't be enough to take any pressure of me financially.

I was hoping she would get enough to pay her share of gas, electric and food and still have enough left for her own phone, hair colours and infrequent social activities and maybe have some left to save for clothes.

£60 is not enough for that. The amount mentioned for PIP is too much.

Although the amount mentioned for PIP wouldn't be enough for someone needing to fully fund themselves eg needing to pay towards housing costs, water rates, internet and travel.

I understand this - I do, I promise.

But it does in the end boil down to not wanting to take the steps to get the help.

At some point it has to be urgent enough to her - she has to want life to change enough that it’s the lesser evil to access the help somehow, by hook or crook. Perhaps she’s not there yet.

Online support groups where she could join anonymously and write, not talk, seem like they could help her.

It seems like you’re (absolutely understandably) stuck in a “Mum suggests, DD rebuffs” cycle. At some point the suggestions for change have to come from her, and then you support her in her decisions. Not the other way round where you’re doing the problem solving.

It sounds so tough and my heart goes out to you both.

But £60 a week can feed a 19-year-old, fund spending money, haircuts a cheap mobile and clothes from charity/thrift shops.
I've had to do this for a family of six, it involves going without.
If she wants money, she has to work.
Have you considered introducing her to volunteer home-based work as a first step?
The RNIB need volunteers to read from a selection of newspapers to record and the charity posts the recordings to blind clients (it used to be age 21+ but may have changed)
Similarly, befriending an older , lonely person with silverlinewww.thesilverline.org.uk
I hope she finds something 🤗

She has turned down help from CAMS. The waiting list for that service is over 2 years where I live. As you have said you can afford to support her she will be fine. She has no housing cost if she lives at home. £60 a week just on personal spends is loads. My son works 56 hours a week and after mortgage, utilities, bills he has less than that left to buy food, clothes, cat food and any socialising. Your dd needs to get a job possibly working from home and learn to budget.

But £60 a week can feed a 19-year-old, fund spending money, haircuts a cheap mobile and clothes from charity/thrift shops.

How? I mean this genuinely. How?

If I was to charge her 1/3 of gas, electric and food that's almost her £60 gone.

Electric £10
Gas £5
Food - £25 if she was still eating with us. I wouldn't expect £25 a week to feed a single person. We spend roughly £80 p/w on food shopping.
Her own phone - £5ish? I think we pay £20 a month for her PAYG sim card.

That's £45. That leaves her with only £15 a week for clothes, toiletries and social activities. I genuinely don't understand how that is do-able? I was expecting her to be left with £30/40 a week once she'd paid me.

And that's without water rates, internet access, transport fees etc that others would have to pay on UC. It is quite simply not enough to live off.

I was expecting to be able to take £40 a week off her and still have her pay for anything else she wants without her having to turn to me expect maybe for more expensive purchases eg a decent pair of shoes or winter coat.

That wouldn't allow me to quit a job but would give me a bit of breathing space. As it is I am still going to be paying a big chunk of her "extras" if I charge her for essentials.

You’re really changing the story here after some valid criticism. Your opening post was not about others, it was specifically about how terrible it was that your daughter was not getting enough money to go out to the pub.

It costs a lot of money to carry out all the mandatory testing to make and sell candles in the UK as well as making sure you have compliant labels. Soaps have to have cosmetic assessments which are £200+ for each recipe.
You say your daughter is good at art? the there is a big demand for digital art, png, sublimation art etc and it sells well on etsy with low start up costs.
Your daughter must claim pip though. Her social worker will be able to help with this or point her in the right direction.

I cannot believe some of the posts on this thread.

Over 25s WITH all household bills, food, gas and electric, internet etc on their own are expected to survive on £75 a week if they are lucky (the amount can be lower for rent top up or debts or the 5 week wait where you get nothing and have to loan from dwp)

It's barbaric, and frightening, that they think a person can live on this.

Yabu she doesn't have to pay rent or council tax and if she did she would get extra benefits to cover the full amount. It's literally just her food and giving you some money towards gas and electric. She needs a cheaper phone.

Sorry just see you said about her expenses and phone is very low. Op working aged able bodied adults don't get paid benefits to socialise. It's the minimum to survive on. Disabled people get extra money as it's no fault of there's that they cannot work.

It's literally just her food and giving you some money towards gas and electric. She needs a cheaper phone.

This was my point. That's all she has to pay because it's all I would expect her to pay but what if I wasn't willing to fund the other necessities for her? How would that £15 she has left stretch towards paying her share of the water rates, TV liscence, internet connection and travel costs along with toiletries and clothes and other unexpected expenses?

It is not enough for an adult to live off unless they have another adult willing to subsidise them and not every vulnerable young person does have that. They didn't make a special rate just for DD. That is what all 19yr olds would get.

It. Is. Not. Enough.

It's enough for my DD because she has me but in general it is not enough, although I do think my income was taken into account, at least by Entitled To, as that told her she would get £60.32 with the LCW element because it gave me the option to select that she would be entited to that. She wasn't quoted as being eligible of getting the £66 people on here keep mentioning.

If your daughter were to be awarded PIP she would still receive Universal credit on top of this.
PIP is not an income based benefit.
I doubt that the work coach at UC asked for details of your income. Your earnings are not taken into account and the system only factors in other people you live with and if you ( the claimant) are personally responsible for housing costs ie rent or mortgage.

Your original post was all.about your dd, not about other people who have to live on £60 per week without parental support. You then went on to say that you thought your dd should be given £100 per week. So please don't change the narrative now.

As others have said, she needs to claim PIP if she truly can't work. But I would be encouraging her to engage in counseling and try to get her motivated. I would also be exploring CBT as an option. Otherwise it will get worse and worse.

a home visit from a mental health professional where DD is not expected to speak.

This is almost impossible. She will need, in some way, to communicate her feelings to any MH professional - whether verbally, in writing, in art form, or via a third party (you). A MH professional cannot support anyone with absolutely zero idea of their struggles and feelings.

You’ve mentioned CBT but actually ASD or not a lot of the issues seem linked with her trauma (completely understandably).

Have you looked into EMDR? It does involve some talking but much less than an actual talking therapy, and a lot of that communication could be done via writing. She might even be able to do some via video chat where she can message the therapist.

I think it would very well be worth considering different treatments, perhaps privately (which is why PIP would be good!) EMDR as mention above can be good for trauma. If she really enjoys art would art therapy be worth it for her? You said she loves her dog, so would seeing a therapy dog at least help relax her a bit? Maybe you could schedule some trips for her first week of college for example.

Look on Amazon and you can also get some amazing therapy workbooks. DBT is another talking therapy very similar to CBT, so she might struggle to physically attend an appointment for it but could fill out a workbook on her own. It’s used for intense emotions.

You’ve mentioned both BPD and ASD, have you considered CPTSD? There’s a large cross over symptom wise and many people get misdiagnosed with BPD.

Think of it like an intervention.

Imagine DD was stuck in her room all day due to trauma drinking or taking drugs and refusing help.

Would that be ok?

You need to be firm now as the adult and insist she gets the help. Make the GP appt and get her there. I know it's tough but it's for her own good, otherwise you're standing by as she self destructs. And that's not fair, the trauma wasn't her fault and it doesn't need to ruin her life.

It's been 5 years so letting her stay in her room and have hair colours and bottles of wine together haven't made a positive impact. She needs real treatment.

Hair colours and a social life are luxuries. Benefits aren't to pay for luxuries.

The scenario OP describes sounds like she has exhausted all options to help her dd with her mental health. If this was one of my dds and I had exhausted all possible ways of helping her mentally, I would explore admission to a psychiatric hospital, where intensive therapy can be provided.

Surviving on £60 pw is a separate issue and the reasons why OP’s dd isn’t entitled to more has been discussed in detail in this thread. The bigger issue here is the mental health support the dd needs.

The amount (£60) is intentionally low and not designed to be enough for young people to live off. They are supposed to get a job, even students work part time to help support themselves. There are so many vacancies in certain sectors at the moment thanks to Brexit. We really need young people to work and then claim working tax credits if pay is low.

Not being able to work due to ill health is a separate issue. It's been discussed the whole way through this thread, there are other benefits such as PIP the OPs DD can claim which will give her more than £60 a week.