To not understand how can you live on £60 a week?

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19 year old DD's social worker has arranged for her to have chaperone at her UC appointments which means she can now claim. She has severe anxiety and cannot leave the house without another person much less speak to a stranger.

I've just helped her fill out a form on Entitled To to check how much she would get.

£60 weekly.

How the fuck is she meant to survive on £60 a week?

Does this mean HMRC still expect me to fund her?

Obviously I will but if I refused what the feck is she supposed to do? how can she eat and clothe herself on £60 a week? What about contributing towards gas and electric? Paying for her mobile phone? Accessing social activities?

I just don't understand how this can be deemed enough to maintain any kind of standard of living?

They asked for my income so I assume they've taken this into account. They didn't ask if I was related to her so would a friend also be expected to feed and clothe her?

Agree with this. We have someone in our extended family who was your DD. He stopped going to school when he was about 15 because of self-diagnosed anxiety. Refused to see a GP or seek therapy and his parents refused to make him. He left school without sitting a single GCSE. That was 10 years ago and he's still living at home, never really going out except to walk the dog, no qualifications, never done anything with his life and well and truly stuck in a rut. His parents are fully supporting him financially as he will not claim benefits or see anyone for a diagnosis.

Do not let your daughter become that person.

I am sorry to hear your dd has anxiety this bad and for the trauma she has been through at a young age.

However, you have written that she isn't working, not in education, you have given her ideas she can do from home which involves no or little contact with people but she won't do any of them because she doesn't want to try, she has had a boyfriend for a significant amount of time, she goes to the pub occasionally and has even booked to go to a concert, and she asks you to cancel your plans with a friend so she can sit with you and drink wine - which you do.

She refuses to see a GP because she doesn't like to talk to people. In all honesty this £60 a week you think will help her will do very little unless she tries to help herself a little more than she appears to be doing. She is flat out refusing to work - at anything, when there are plenty of jobs she could do with minimal or no contact with others. Anxiety is crippling, of course, but its not actually been diagnosed. And she sounds like she is just refusing to do literately anything except what she wants to do (socialise at the pub).

I think the best thing you can do for her is to force the issue of her seeing a GP and accessing counselling help. I don't know your setup obviously but she appears to be completely unwilling to come out of her comfort zone and with the best will in the world it may be time for some tough love as you may be inadvertently enabling this. If you really can't get her to the GP, get the GP to come to her or force a video call with them with you there.
Does not matter how much she gets a week money wise if shes unwilling to try and help herself. Perhaps if you started to refuse to pay for her phone, she'd be more inclined to seek some help so as to get a way to pay for it herself.

Does she do anything around the house at all? Her washing, any family cooking, cleaning? Or does she literally spend all day in bed refusing to get up?

Correct, I made a mistake. Im continually amazed it hasnt been successfully legally challenged.

She's 19
She is your dependent (and certainly would be classed as such if going to uni at age 19)

She has a home.

£60 a week seems reasonable for the circumstances.

Many 19 year old who are studying would be paying for that rather than getting an income.

If she was independent and living in her own place it would be different. But she would also be assessed differently.

I think its unrealistic to expect more under her circumstances if I'm honest. There are others who get comparatively less and who really need financial support who I'd give more to first.

It's very low but also a lot more disposable income than many adults if you don't ask for too much of it so it's all relative. Would £25 to you for food, £10 to you for bills, and then £25 to her for phone, socialising and clothes seem reasonable? She can divvy up that £25 according to her priorities but if £10 a week is for clothes then with some careful planning she can cloth herself. I hope she gets the help she needs for her anxiety so she's not reliant on this forever.

If young people were given 100 pounds per week an awful lot would think that brilliant and have no incentive to study or work. A lot wouldn't give their parents much for keep and thus have a lot of disposable income for fun stuff. A person with health conditions can claim other benefits to add to UC so their needs are acknowledged. Those who can work are expected to do so to raise their incomes.

Sorry but £60 per week disposable income with absolutely no outgoings or obligations at all is much more than enough. Loads of families out there don't have £20 spare a week let alone £60. That'd pay for treats, movies, dinners out etc they can't afford.

Many many full time working adults don't have £60 a week disposable income

I understand she had a very traumatic experience but that was a good few years ago and it sounds like you've done everything you can to get her support . You have to ask what her plans are though , is she really expecting to live out her days in her childhood bedroom .
I can't help feeling some tough love / home truths are needed in order for her to take baby steps towards improvement. No more enabling and more persuasion . If she is to live a useful productive happy life she has to start overcoming these anxieties at some point and it might aswell be now .

She isnt OPs dependent. She is classed as a non dependent (assuming OP is on benefits)

OP I don’t know what planet you live on ?
£60 a week is plenty if she’s living with you.
£20 food
£20 contribution to household bills.
£20 pocket money from the state to do whatever she wants.
If your daughter needs more money she has to get a job. Simple.

If she can 'go to the pub with friends she's know since she was 4' despite her severe anxiety, then couldn't she find herself a part-time remote WFH job to fund that?

Data entry? Completing surveys? There must be something she can do?

Sorry, but I think your approach of going in looking for free money and lots of it, just doesn't exist!

Maybe draw up a list of jobs she could do. Could she make something and sell on eBay? Is she any good at Art? Could she do sewing alterations? Baking?

I read threads like this and catch myself thinking, when did we start talking so much in terms of 'having Anxiety' rather than simply 'feeling anxious'. I appreciate there's a very, very small proportion of people who experience anxiety to a particularly debilitating level, but there is also a huge number of people who need to do a bit of work on normalising their feelings. Everybody feels anxious. Every single day. It's normal, every body gets that horrible tight feeling in the stomach, your heart rate increases, you find yourself feeling breathless. But as we grow and mature, we have to learn coping strategies for it, we remind ourselves its ok, it's normal, take deep breaths, break down worrying scenarios into smaller more manageable chunks etc. But so many people nowadays seem to be growing up without these skills? I think of my workmates and at least 50% have been diagnosed with 'Anxiety' and a further 25% suspect they 'have Anxiety'. I wish society as a whole could re-examine how we approach normal day to day stresses and strains and recognise them as ok.
OP I appreciate your daughter has experienced some trauma but there comes a point when she does need to put herself through the discomfort of a phone call with a GP. Talk to her, break down this scenario and help her to identify the elements of it she finds over facing, is it the booking of the appointment, is it having to answer questions. Would it help if she prepared some answers. She needs to stop just expecting to be awarded money and start thinking about coping strategies so that she can start accessing help.

You are enabling her in every possible way and doing her no favours at all. Instead, you are fixed on this money which won't help her.

KweenieBeanz are you suggesting that those with a mental illness should just "buck up"? That we all face anxious or depressed days? Shows a desperate lack of understanding of MH issues.
You are also deluded if you think a call to the GP will set a cascade of events to enable someone to get over their situation. The NHS is stretched beyond functionality.

@Dobbysgotthesocks sorry I couldn't reply sooner, too busy working to pay my bills.
Why would I choose to live on benefits? I work so I can afford the things I need/want for myself and my family.
That is the stark choice OPs daughter has to make, work and have money or stay at home and live off £60 pw (more disposable income than a lot of 19 year olds in work will have I would imagine)
Most of us are being shafted by the cost of living increases at the moment, it seems to me ridiculously tone deaf that the mother of a 19 year old with no outgoings is on here moaning that her daughter doesn't get enough money from the government (tax payer) to go out and party as much as she would like.

And as for stopping in her room for several days feeling sad? Sounds pretty normal for a 19 year old going through a breakup. Lots of sympathetic mums will be delivering cups of tea and meals made for them to devastated teenagers up and down the country. We don't know whether OP's daughter is actually completely incapable of feeding/washing in this situation or simply doesn't want to because she's feeling miserable (normal in that circumstance) and mum is sympathetically looking after her while she wallows? If after 5 days OP had said I'm popping for a weekend away with a friend, hope you're ok, would her daughter have dragged herself out of bed and grabbed some toast, because she had to?

No, where did you read that I said that? I said OP should attempt to help her daughter to assess a challenging situation she needs to overcome, identify what about it is most overwhelming and try and come up with some mitigations, in order to access more support? Perhaps she doesn't want to talk to a male doctor given previous trauma so could try and book with a female GP, as an example. Is there something so incredibly wrong with that? What do you think they should do, sit and cry about the situation?

I cant answer for that poster but my view would also be that we are increasingly using normal everyday sensations, feelings and emotions as signs that someone has emotional distress or mental health problems. This is not always the case

Theres another thread running, cant exactly remember the title but a MH professional is talking about exactly the same thing, the pathologising of normal development, normal discomfort and experiences that all people go through.

Ive been treated for MH disorders in the past, there is a huge difference between being actively disabled by MH disorders to just feeling uncomfortable, nervous, panicky, sad, low, confused, annoyed etc which is what a lot of people are referring to when they talk about anxiety.

Every other person is traumatised or triggered and it is now meaningless and undermines the severity of MH disorders.

Surely that's what any parent would do??

Thanks Bellac you have expressed it better than me.

@GlamorousHeifer if you actually read what the Op has put her daughter suffered from extreme anxiety which is preventing her from employment at this time.
I'm sure her daughter would rather be able to have a job and money and most importantly be free of crippling anxiety!

In this case, I think the OP's daughter actually has had trauma and a very hard time. That said, she can't spend the rest of her life living like this.

Yes I was talking generally. In this case the daughter has been raped, suffered huge trauma by way of this. To happen at a time of early teen years also adds a level of stress to that because of her own development, identity, cognitive ability which compromises the processing of that trauma

But, rightly or wrongly I read into the OPs posts that this current situation is about the break up, she has friends and a social life by all accounts, she hasnt perhaps been this disabled for the 5 years since she was attacked? Thats my assumption but she entered into a relationship which has now sadly ended and is feeling naturally low about this.

She needs treatment, that might involve medication and/or choices to manage life, small steps, get back to living again, find a job, find her self worth and confidence, make something of her life.

That is how much it is, and it is a pittance. When I first claimed UC, I was entitled to £74 week, and that was me living alone. It doubled as I ended up claiming LCWRA.
Your daughter could probably get LCWRA but she would absolutely need to see her GP for that. She will need sick notes, and will need to hand them into the Job Centre until she has a work capability assessment.
In the mean time, without sick notes, she would be expected to prove she is looking for work.

A lot of the comments here are very disappointing though... some straight out the Daily Mail. You don't get to pick what you are anxious about. Just because someone can manage 1 in 5 planned social activities does not mean they could hold down a job. You don't lose pay if you cancel a night out. You don't end up having disciplinaries for sickness if you miss a night out. Social and work are two totally different things with different pressures.
And all this "benefits are not for nights out" crap. If someone can afford to do something fun on the money they get, then fair play to them. Or should people on benefit just get vouchers for food and bills, and nothing else?