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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand how can you live on £60 a week?

425 replies

Frequency · 14/07/2022 12:22

19 year old DD's social worker has arranged for her to have chaperone at her UC appointments which means she can now claim. She has severe anxiety and cannot leave the house without another person much less speak to a stranger.

I've just helped her fill out a form on Entitled To to check how much she would get.

£60 weekly.

How the fuck is she meant to survive on £60 a week?

Does this mean HMRC still expect me to fund her?

Obviously I will but if I refused what the feck is she supposed to do? how can she eat and clothe herself on £60 a week? What about contributing towards gas and electric? Paying for her mobile phone? Accessing social activities?

I just don't understand how this can be deemed enough to maintain any kind of standard of living?

They asked for my income so I assume they've taken this into account. They didn't ask if I was related to her so would a friend also be expected to feed and clothe her?

OP posts:
ConsuelaHammock · 14/07/2022 18:26

Your daughter needs to go to the doctor and get help. She can’t continue like this.
£60 is enough in her situation. It’s not supposed to be comfortable.

GlamorousHeifer · 14/07/2022 18:27

@Dobbysgotthesocks yes, but instead you dared me to live on benefits.....which I don't do as I'm working 🤔
OPs daughter is in danger of becoming one of the adult children that never leave home or the comforts their parents offer.
She needs to engage with services to improve her mental health rather than bemoaning the amount of money she will receive on UC.

HollowTalk · 14/07/2022 18:30

CoastalWave · 14/07/2022 12:44

You're actually shitting me? She's going to live under your roof? And you think £60 a week isn't enough?

I haven't bought new clothes for over 4 years. I don't go out. I don't have 'social activities'

That £60 is more than enough for food for one person and to contribute to your bills. Honestly. How much gas and electric is she planning on using!

Of course it's not enough for someone to live on. The fact that you don't have much money doesn't mean that her daughter can live on £60 a week.

lancsgirl85 · 14/07/2022 18:30

KweenieBeanz · 14/07/2022 17:58

I read threads like this and catch myself thinking, when did we start talking so much in terms of 'having Anxiety' rather than simply 'feeling anxious'. I appreciate there's a very, very small proportion of people who experience anxiety to a particularly debilitating level, but there is also a huge number of people who need to do a bit of work on normalising their feelings. Everybody feels anxious. Every single day. It's normal, every body gets that horrible tight feeling in the stomach, your heart rate increases, you find yourself feeling breathless. But as we grow and mature, we have to learn coping strategies for it, we remind ourselves its ok, it's normal, take deep breaths, break down worrying scenarios into smaller more manageable chunks etc. But so many people nowadays seem to be growing up without these skills? I think of my workmates and at least 50% have been diagnosed with 'Anxiety' and a further 25% suspect they 'have Anxiety'. I wish society as a whole could re-examine how we approach normal day to day stresses and strains and recognise them as ok.
OP I appreciate your daughter has experienced some trauma but there comes a point when she does need to put herself through the discomfort of a phone call with a GP. Talk to her, break down this scenario and help her to identify the elements of it she finds over facing, is it the booking of the appointment, is it having to answer questions. Would it help if she prepared some answers. She needs to stop just expecting to be awarded money and start thinking about coping strategies so that she can start accessing help.

I agree entirely. I appreciate she has been through a horrific experience, but she really does need to access support and develop coping strategies so that she can function in life. It's better to start doing that at a younger age. If she can sit in a pub with friends and strangers around her, she can sit in a GP office with her mum as support, surely? I appreciate she might not be able to go into the details of the trauma, but she doesn't have to. She just needs to explain that she's struggling badly with anxiety to the point of not functioning and that she needs a referral for some help. I'd be dragging my DD there if it were me.

Dixiechickonhols · 14/07/2022 18:30

I understand you must be in a difficiult position Op. If she had enough to socialise a bit and you subbed the rest then lots of teens would choose to stay in their room in bed on their phone. I suspect you will still be in same position in 5 years if you carry on as are.
What would happen if you didn't pay phone? Or have wifi or netflix.
Work is therapeutic. There are online options where she wouldn't need to speak to people or something repetive and low people contact like shelf stacking overnight.
If she can have a boyfriend and go to a pub sometimes she is able to do some things.
What's her objection to getting maths and english gcse? She could do online or via books/youtube.

Dobbysgotthesocks · 14/07/2022 18:40

GlamorousHeifer · 14/07/2022 18:27

@Dobbysgotthesocks yes, but instead you dared me to live on benefits.....which I don't do as I'm working 🤔
OPs daughter is in danger of becoming one of the adult children that never leave home or the comforts their parents offer.
She needs to engage with services to improve her mental health rather than bemoaning the amount of money she will receive on UC.

@GlamorousHeifer no I dared you to live off £60 a week. I never said anything about that coming from benefits 🙄

Mellowyellow222 · 14/07/2022 18:42

HollowTalk · 14/07/2022 18:30

Of course it's not enough for someone to live on. The fact that you don't have much money doesn't mean that her daughter can live on £60 a week.

Show quote history

But a 19 year old living at home doesn’t have many expenses. It’s not the equivalent of an adult trying to cover housing or pay the heating bill alone.

it is enough for this girl to make a contribution towards her keep and have a little left over. okay it’s not a great lifestyle - but lots of teenagers who are still in full time education wouldn’t have £60 a week to spend. I know I didn’t.

but money isn’t the problem here really. This poor girl urgently needs help. She has sunk into a very deep depression and there doesn’t seem much hope of her recovering because she won’t get any help.

Ravenpuff93 · 14/07/2022 18:43

As a MH professional myself, it bugs me a lot when people talk about “having anxiety” when they mean “feeling anxious”. Especially during an assessment process when I ask for a recent example and they tell me about a very normal reaction to a nerve-wracking situation, such as an exam or job interview. Of course generalised anxiety and other anxiety disorders exist but there are clear markers as to when it is excessive and diagnosable and lots of people seem to be missing this now and blithely walking around claiming to have “severe anxiety”. OPs daughter may well have a mood disorder, but as I mentioned earlier, she needs an assessment. And that can be a self referral or a GP referral in most areas.

lancsgirl85 · 14/07/2022 18:51

As a MH professional myself, it bugs me a lot when people talk about “having anxiety” when they mean “feeling anxious”

Me too. (Also a MH professional)

GCHeretic · 14/07/2022 18:51

Dobbysgotthesocks · 14/07/2022 18:16

@GlamorousHeifer if you actually read what the Op has put her daughter suffered from extreme anxiety which is preventing her from employment at this time.
I'm sure her daughter would rather be able to have a job and money and most importantly be free of crippling anxiety!

Show quote history

It doesn’t sound as though it’s been diagnosed, so all we have to go on is the OP’s non-professional opinion.

It could well be that her daughter is suffering from normal anxiety.

Her being able to attend gigs and go out to the pub doesn’t match the OP’s claims of a serious mental illness very well.

bellac11 · 14/07/2022 18:52

Dobbysgotthesocks · 14/07/2022 18:40

@GlamorousHeifer no I dared you to live off £60 a week. I never said anything about that coming from benefits 🙄

Show quote history

Most people can live for 60 quid a week now and then. We try to keep our food down to £30 per person, we dont eat any of the same foods so its hard because we cant cut costs by sharing dinners or anything.
Our utilities would be a lot more than OPs daughter as we run a house.
That leaves a theoretical amount of £30 left for the bills and sundries.

But of course that wouldnt involve all the other things I would need to run a home, so one week might be doable, perhaps 2, perhaps 3 but long term its very difficult.
People do live on that amount though, not well, and not easily but they do.

The comparison is unhelpful though, at the extreme end, for whatever reason, she is 19, she has no specific outgoings apart from food and utilities to her mum so yes, she can live on that amount for a while until either she finds work, or has an assessment that she cannot work and is entitled to the higher amount to compensate for not working (the old ESA equivalent)

CrossStichQueen · 14/07/2022 18:55

People do live on that amount though, not well, and not easily but they do.

People who run a home do not live on £60 pw they survive....barely.

HelloAllll · 14/07/2022 18:56

She is being mollicoddled and it needs to stop. You are doing her no favours in the long run by allowing this to continue. Force her out of bed and into the garden on on a short walk.
If she is well enough to go to the pub, and you expect her to receive money for this, then quite frankly she needs to get a grip and get back to education or work.
Our taxes should not be used to fund a nice lifestyle of clothes and nights out, especially when the person isnt even making the 1st step to help themselves

bellac11 · 14/07/2022 19:00

CrossStichQueen · 14/07/2022 18:55

People do live on that amount though, not well, and not easily but they do.

People who run a home do not live on £60 pw they survive....barely.

Are you just being argumentative

I said not well and not easily.

We can argue about semantics all you like, people are having to live on those amounts.

antelopevalley · 14/07/2022 19:01

I do not give a shit about taxes funding her benefits for years.
I do care about her being anxious and getting worse, when with the right treatment she could improve.
Generally when people who get very anxious start restricting their life, they get more anxious as a result, not less.

RaininSummer · 14/07/2022 19:07

If she can get herself to attend meetings at the job centre she can be supported into all sorts of things which would help eg recently Prince's trust ran an online course for those suffering anxiety and a work coach can set small achievable targets to build her confidence. She needs to be drawn out of her selective reclusiveness.

MumE78 · 14/07/2022 19:18

If she cannot work due to her anxiety when she claims they send her an assessment form to complete called work capability and if they feel her anxiety is severe enough not to work she will also be award limited work capability & work related activities and this adds an element of £354pm and is not means tested.
It takes quite along from completing the assessment to getting a decision, mine was recent and about 6 months.

GlamorousHeifer · 14/07/2022 19:23

@Dobbysgotthesocks why would I? For a start I am not 19 years old with no outgoings AND I WORK so I have more than £60 pw.

OhItsSpicyy · 14/07/2022 19:24

bellac11 · 14/07/2022 16:27

I can never work out who said what on this site or who Im replying to

I know the support doesnt need to be in place in order to receive PIP for it, it was more of a general question. As I say we support a number of clients apply for PIP but its a controversial subject as to sometimes it seems its just a compensation for lifes difficulties rather than providing services itself.

I dont think its at all obvious that she isnt doing those things, she simply said about her difficulty talking to people but equally felt that her daughter needs money for social activities so she can do them, just with the people she chooses, theres nothing wrong with that per se, but I took exception to someone saying there are 'clear needs' when that hasnt been established.

The issue of course is that there is a massive disparity in the amounts of benefits under 25s can access compared to over 25s, I dont understand how that is allowed legally and hasnt been successfully challenged. If the daughter moved out, she would still receive that base line of UC due to her age but would have housing elements on top to pay her rent (and that would also be at a restricted rate due to her age, only allowed to have enough to pay for the single room rate).
If she cannot work she would be better getting the limited capacity to work element but that means she would have to engage with services properly.

Show quote history

If she got help and a diagnosis then the housing element would not be restricted due to her age. If you receive PIP then you are entitled to one bedroom and not the shared rate. I was actually entitled to two bedrooms even when I was 21 due to needing a room for myself and a room for a carer.

But obviously this would require input from a medical professional as right now she would struggle to put in a PIP claim if she has no supporting evidence.

GCHeretic · 14/07/2022 19:25

CrossStichQueen · 14/07/2022 18:55

People do live on that amount though, not well, and not easily but they do.

People who run a home do not live on £60 pw they survive....barely.

And that’s as it should be. The benefits that the OP’s daughter is getting is designed to be the very minimum needed to get by for a short time, not an amount to live comfortably on.

Stomacharmeleon · 14/07/2022 19:46

I think op is getting a hard time on here. Her post seemed born for frustration at the greater picture. Her daughters world is clearly small anyway but that amount of money will make it smaller.

The system is not straight forward and If her daughter is not forthcoming and a pub visit probably feels like a little win for her mum I get the frustration.

Doing PIP forms is not easy. Neither is persuading a belligerent teen who has not been in school recently or worked with other agencies (as far as we know) that's it for her own good. I have a schizophrenic son in his early twenties so I know how difficult it is.

The only thing is do agree with is I would not Be cancelling your friend at the weekend. Do it for you. As I imagine her life is all encompassing for you. You need normality.

Your situation makes me sad because I get it. But
I made PIP non negotiable (and I still help with forms)
She will be pushed to work by universal credit and there will be expectations regarding searching. An ostrich approach will not work or she will be sanctioned so that should be a priority. Her social worker should be able to help.

Sending hugs.

XenoBitch · 14/07/2022 19:53

GCHeretic · 14/07/2022 19:25

And that’s as it should be. The benefits that the OP’s daughter is getting is designed to be the very minimum needed to get by for a short time, not an amount to live comfortably on.

Show quote history

UC has two rates of benefit for people considered unfit to work. One is the same as the job seekers amount (which would be £60 in the case of OP). I know several people on that amount, and they have been on it for years. They get sent on crappy little courses, told to volunteer, yet they still remain unfit to work.
Poverty does not force people to suddenly get better.

CrossStichQueen · 14/07/2022 20:07

The benefits that the OP’s daughter is getting is designed to be the very minimum needed to get by for a short time, not an amount to live comfortably on.

I dont see being able to afford to eat and having electric/gas as living comfortably they are the most basic needs. Sadly many of those on benefits are rarely on them for a short time for various reasons and end up in unmanageable debt/homeless/starving and unable to afford the basics.

Dobbysgotthesocks · 14/07/2022 20:25

GlamorousHeifer · 14/07/2022 19:23

@Dobbysgotthesocks why would I? For a start I am not 19 years old with no outgoings AND I WORK so I have more than £60 pw.

@GlamorousHeifer why? Because you quite clearly implied that it was sufficient for a person to live on. It isn't. So I suggested that you tried living on £60 to see how easy it is. The pure fact that you won't just demonstrates that you know it isn't enough and you wouldn't be comfortable doing it. So why should the unwell daughter of the OP?

GlamorousHeifer · 14/07/2022 20:33

@Dobbysgotthesocks I give up, you are now just being willfully ignorant.
£60 pw is more than enough for a 19 year old with no outgoings.
Unfortunately I am no longer 19, and even more Unfortunately I have outgoings (y'know, a family to pay for)
I'm sure we should give every 19 year old that decides (undiagnosed) that they can't work a few hundred pounds a week and see how far that gets us.
Does that sound like a better option to you, can you forsee any issues with that?

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