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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Uncle borrowed £1000 when I was 16 and never paid me back

151 replies

badbaduncle · 14/07/2022 08:16

I am interested to hear views on this.

When I was little I was very close to 1 particular Uncle and used to 'help' him in his shop every weekend - making him tea and bringing his lunch, counting change etc, I loved it. I got a part time job when I was 14 and saved very hard aiming to buy a car when I was 17. Aged 16 DU came to me and asked to 'borrow' £1000 to bridge a loan so he could get a mortgage. I was very hesitant and asked DM and DF who said it was up to me but that on balance they thought it was a kind thing to do because he was never going to buy a house any other way. So I did.

He said he would pay it back 6 months later. I'm now in my 40s and he's never paid a penny. I asked approx 10 times between ages 18 and 25, quite insistently but with no back up from parents or anyone. DM said it was 'just money' and not worth upsetting the family for.

When I had my own DC I realised that I would never let anyone steal from them and exploit them. We've also struggled financially with no loans or help from anyone! I just find it really shocking that he would steal from his niece and that the wider family chose to ignore it.

I now ignore Uncle at any family occasions and am considered rude and it is commented on.
AIBU to think that it is fine to ignore him and when I am told I a rude and pressed on why and tell people he stole £1000 from me when I was 16?

OP posts:
Sleepybumble · 14/07/2022 08:20

Terrible behaviour from him and your family. I think you are absolutely in the right to ignore him at events. I'd be really hurt if family behaved this way too. They sound horrible.

Thehop · 14/07/2022 08:22

him and your parents are bloody awful!

Georgeskitchen · 14/07/2022 08:24

I would be telling everybody what he did. Shame him

RenegadeMatron · 14/07/2022 08:26

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

Time to start making the uncle, and your associated family members feel really (as opposed to only slightly) uncomfortable about this.

Mayorquimby2 · 14/07/2022 08:26

Of course it's not unreasonable to blank him, doesn't matter how many years have passed. You quite clearly thought a lot of him and had a great deal of affection for him and he decided to leverage that to exploit you for a not insignificant amount of money, particularly for a teenager, and proved that all that affection and caring was one way and he didn't give a fuck about you.

He's a scumbag

JuneOsborne · 14/07/2022 08:26

He's got no shame, has he?

I'd let it go, in the sense that, you're never going to get that money back. But I'd be perfectly clear with anybody that has an issue with you ignoring him, that actually, they need to direct their wrath and questions at him because he stole a grand from you.

Trulyweird1 · 14/07/2022 08:28

If I got comments about being rude, I would just tell whomever that I would stop being ‘rude’ to him when he stopped being a disrespectful thief to me , or some such.
I would be telling my mum that I am not the one ‘upsetting’ the family, and that I am shocked she would put her brother before her own daughter.
They sound unpleasant.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 14/07/2022 08:29

Yes tell everyone, tell him to repay his debt now he is still breathing.

He can set up a payment plan if he hasn't got the full amount.

He is disgraceful stealing hard earned money from a teenager.

Go after him.

parietal · 14/07/2022 08:30

Does he now have money, such that he could repay you?

can you set out on a piece of paper the hours you worked to earn that money and you are now owed today (interest / inflation over 25 years adds up). Give him the page and ask him to pay.

goinback · 14/07/2022 08:31

Mention it every time, and the profit from house values over 30 years.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 14/07/2022 08:33

Tell you DM too, her actions as a DM were disgraceful towards her DD.

Ariela · 14/07/2022 08:33

I would put it in writing that you lent him the £1k and still expect it back. I'd remind him every birthday/Christmas too. I'd use one of those online calculators to work out what the £1k is worth now with inflation....effectively send him a statement of what is owed, and keep a copy.
Then when he finally pops his clogs you have some sort of record that the debt is still owed and can at least get it back from his estate.

Dogscanteatonions · 14/07/2022 08:34

Is there a limit on time you can take someone to small claims court? I'd be tempted to do this if I could. How dare he ask a 16-year-old and what on earth did your parents think they were doing letting you do it? In fact, encouraging you! Terrible behaviour from the lot of them

TarasHarp55 · 14/07/2022 08:35

I'm shocked that your parents were so unsupportive. Your mum passing it off as "it's only money". You'd think she'd have been furious on your behalf. I don't blame you one bit for ignoring him. Disgusting behaviour from a man towards his young niece. Tell everyone the reason why you ignore him. Any decent person will be on your side

kewgirl · 14/07/2022 08:35

I would certainly tell people and tell him

username00 · 14/07/2022 08:37

Absolutely shocking behaviour from your family

Dogscanteatonions · 14/07/2022 08:42

Ariela · 14/07/2022 08:33

I would put it in writing that you lent him the £1k and still expect it back. I'd remind him every birthday/Christmas too. I'd use one of those online calculators to work out what the £1k is worth now with inflation....effectively send him a statement of what is owed, and keep a copy.
Then when he finally pops his clogs you have some sort of record that the debt is still owed and can at least get it back from his estate.

Bloody good idea

DFOD · 14/07/2022 08:43

Does he have a wife or partner now that you could approach?

Agree with others sunlight is the best disinfectant - make it very public.

Is there any paper trail - bank transfer etc?

Thegreatestshowoff · 14/07/2022 08:45

That would be like £5K now! That’s insane!!! What a nasty man. I would refuse to be anywhere near him and make sure everyone knew why!

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 14/07/2022 08:48

badbaduncle · 14/07/2022 08:16

I am interested to hear views on this.

When I was little I was very close to 1 particular Uncle and used to 'help' him in his shop every weekend - making him tea and bringing his lunch, counting change etc, I loved it. I got a part time job when I was 14 and saved very hard aiming to buy a car when I was 17. Aged 16 DU came to me and asked to 'borrow' £1000 to bridge a loan so he could get a mortgage. I was very hesitant and asked DM and DF who said it was up to me but that on balance they thought it was a kind thing to do because he was never going to buy a house any other way. So I did.

He said he would pay it back 6 months later. I'm now in my 40s and he's never paid a penny. I asked approx 10 times between ages 18 and 25, quite insistently but with no back up from parents or anyone. DM said it was 'just money' and not worth upsetting the family for.

When I had my own DC I realised that I would never let anyone steal from them and exploit them. We've also struggled financially with no loans or help from anyone! I just find it really shocking that he would steal from his niece and that the wider family chose to ignore it.

I now ignore Uncle at any family occasions and am considered rude and it is commented on.
AIBU to think that it is fine to ignore him and when I am told I a rude and pressed on why and tell people he stole £1000 from me when I was 16?

Next time someone comments on is tell them exactly why you are not speaking to him. Say I am still waiting for the £1k he borrowed off me as a child and has e to return. Until he returns it I consider it to be have stolen and I won’t be speaking to him.

DuchessOfSausage · 14/07/2022 08:49

Let it go. When you lend someone money, you run the risk of never seeing a penny of it back. It happened to me too, only it was quite a bit more than £1000.

My approach was to put it down to experience and asked the borrower 'You aren't going to repay me are you?', to which they replied sheepishly 'No'.

I have no idea if other family members know or if it happened to them.

Greenberg · 14/07/2022 08:51

I'm so angry on your behalf. Your parents have behaved appallingly. If it's just money then he should have paid you back then, shouldn't he? I couldn't even spend time with someone who could steal from my child. It's shameful.

I don't think I could spend time with any of them, particularly as they seem to blame you. What kind of message are they putting out about ignoring awful behaviour. Turn the other cheek has a lot to answer for.

SummerLobelia · 14/07/2022 08:54

I am really shocked.

I am so sorry that your uncle stole from you and your parents were essentially complicit. (My mother is of the 'don't upset the family' ilk as well so I know how much of a betrayal that can be sometimes).

Original poster
badbaduncle · 14/07/2022 08:54

Thanks, nice to see you all agree. I told my DC who are now 16/18 and they are furious.
Uncle is retired and lives in a 3 bed detached house in a very beautiful part of the country. I very rarely see him but my grandad died so it's been a lot this year.

OP posts:
3peassuit · 14/07/2022 08:55

Do you have anything in writing that he borrowed this amount from you on the understanding it would be paid back? If you do it might be worth taking it to the small claims court. Disgraceful behaviour from him and your parents.

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