Uncle borrowed £1000 when I was 16 and never paid me back

[badbaduncle]

I am interested to hear views on this.

When I was little I was very close to 1 particular Uncle and used to 'help' him in his shop every weekend - making him tea and bringing his lunch, counting change etc, I loved it. I got a part time job when I was 14 and saved very hard aiming to buy a car when I was 17. Aged 16 DU came to me and asked to 'borrow' £1000 to bridge a loan so he could get a mortgage. I was very hesitant and asked DM and DF who said it was up to me but that on balance they thought it was a kind thing to do because he was never going to buy a house any other way. So I did.

He said he would pay it back 6 months later. I'm now in my 40s and he's never paid a penny. I asked approx 10 times between ages 18 and 25, quite insistently but with no back up from parents or anyone. DM said it was 'just money' and not worth upsetting the family for.

When I had my own DC I realised that I would never let anyone steal from them and exploit them. We've also struggled financially with no loans or help from anyone! I just find it really shocking that he would steal from his niece and that the wider family chose to ignore it.

I now ignore Uncle at any family occasions and am considered rude and it is commented on.
AIBU to think that it is fine to ignore him and when I am told I a rude and pressed on why and tell people he stole £1000 from me when I was 16?

What does he say when you ask him for it? Surely with a house at that value he is not on his uppers?

Some people are just shameless twats. Put in writing as others have said. At least you would have a record of it. How some people can justify to themselves is beyond me but they are literally 100's of them. I have a story about a friend who lent money to her brother but its too outing so will leave it. Needless to say it was shocking, selfish and unacceptable.

How despicable to steal money from a child - your own niece too.
I thought at first your parents sounded like the kind of old fashioned people who think children aren’t entitled to possessions of their own. But seeing the update, how your mother refused to let your cousin pay you back, I think they’re just unpleasant.
Funny how he didn’t borrow off an adult family member isn’t it? A child is so much easier to con.

This is jaw-dropping. Makes me wonder how many other times you were thrown to the wolves by your own parents. No matter how protective your mum felt towards her brother the line is surely drawn at her own child, my god.

What a pity, when you were in your 20s, that you didn't use the Small Claims court to get the money back. I think there is a window of six years during which you can use the service. A few years ago I was one of several witnesses for a friend who had lent several thousand to another friend, who failed to pay it back. The Small Claims court was brilliant: the woman who'd taken the money was ordered to pay it back, with interest and costs.

If people think you're rude, I'd point out he stole £1k from a 16-year-old child and has never acknowledged or apologised for it.

I wouldn't expect the money back, but I wouldn't keep quiet about why I was so pissed off!

I do think in the context of your 40s, assuming you're not in dire straits, £1k to family is indeed "only money." But that wasn't the case when you were 16. It was a big deal at that time, and that's the relevant context if people are judging you for being standoffish with him.

Why are you keeping his dirty little secret? Hell, I'd say it in front of him and he can either deny or pay up. If he doesn't deny and doesn't pay up, someone may give it to you out of his estate one day at least.

My own parents took a life changing amount out in loans in my name when I was a young adult and never paid any back. My credit was ruined before I ever realised what credit was!
You can bet your ass that I don't keep it secret around mum and dad's families.

Last year, my aunt sent me a poisonous anonymous message about the name we had chosen for our new baby. Once I had discovered the message was from her, I emailed the whole family, including her, saying what she’d done. I got such satisfaction from that! I never heard from her again, by a few other family members replied saying they had had similar experiences with her. Obviously your situation is more serious than a nasty text, but there’s no reason you should shield him by keeping the truth to yourself. Tell everyone!

Disgraceful behaviour. However, if your cousin is still willing to repay it on behalf of Bad Uncle, he would eventually get it back in his inheritance. Would that work for you?

Also, not sure what this means @badbaduncle

'I don't have it and can't give you it but we could do you a lovely honeymoon her

Something similar happened to dh when he was 17 or 18. He was saving to go to Uni. His parents did not support him at uni despite his grant being lower due to their income.

He was told that he HAD to lend his sister £2,000 of his savings so that she could buy a car. He did eventually get the money back but it was not there when he needed it.

That's disgraceful behaviour, from all of them. Honestly, if I were your parent I wouldn't have let you loan him the money in the first place. What's a grown adult doing cadging money off a teenager anyway?!

OP, have you proof of the money?

Because you were a minor, it could be financial abuse.

I really think you should contact 101 for advice.
Or try and get some legal advice on this site.

I think creating a paper trail as suggested is a good idea as if he admits it, it will give you proof.

He stole from a child.
He is a thief.

Why shouldn't you report him.

I have teens and 1k is a lot of money today to them, particularly earned via a part time job.

It really is disgraceful.

You have been trying to get the money back for years, time to get real.

Your parents really is are a disgrace, particularly your mother.

Don't ignore him. Ask him in front of everyone when he is going to pay you back. Every time you see him.

£1000 in 1980 is mow worth about £4500 so make sure all your family and friends know that's what he owes you, and that's before you apply compound interest to the loan!

Horrified at your uncle's behaviour, and horrified at your mum's behaviour too.

If a relative had asked me, when I was 16 years old, for a loan my parents would have stepped immediately with a big fat 'no' and would have been pissed off that I'd been asked in the first place, even without getting to the failure to pay it back.

You mention that your cousin offered to pay it back and your mum said no - could you perhaps speak to your cousin and explain that your mum really had no business refusing that offer?

I'm absolutely furious on your behalf and yes, I would absolutely be a) ignoring your uncle and b) telling people why. And I'd be doing that very loudly and clearly.

I wouldn’t blank him tbh
every single time I saw him, I’d be asking him for my money

tell him that you need it so your own children can buy a car/ start their savings off to buy a house

Oh, and mention 34 years of interest which according to this investment calculator brings it to roughly £890,000 now due 🤷‍♀️

She was a child.

Oh, and mention 34 years of interest which according to this investment calculator brings it to roughly £890,000 now due 🤷‍♀️

I think you have completed the calculator wrongly - there is no way that £1000 invested 34 years ago would now be worth £890,000.

@Flutterbybudget 😂

Gosh that's horrendous, I can't believe your own parents would do that to you! 😢

I think @Flutterbybudget has invested £1000 a year every year between 1919 and 2021 on the Dow Jones index. I guess that would add up

He's a thief who steals from children.
That's disgusting.
Your parents are as bad.

Your parents, having influenced you to lend him the money when you were a minor, should have really looked out for you and made him pay it back. Not minimised it and told you to forget it. LOL at your Mum thinking it is not OK to upset ‘family’ but perfectly ok to upset you!

For me their treatment of you (uncle and parents) would be more upsetting in the long term than the money. You were young and vulnerable. They exploited you.

Jesus, you win @MugginsOverEre, that is dreadful.

Is there no means to contest it?

This - file a claim. See first if you can try to get him to admit it, eg text or fb message and say ‘when I was 16, you borrow £1000 and promised to repay it back with interest or give me the percentage of the house and equity that it equates to’ try and get it in writing first - perhaps subtly etc don’t use my words. Try try try to get something where he admits it in writing and state you need to money back

Something like this - it won’t cost much to take him to court

file At the small claims court