Uncle borrowed £1000 when I was 16 and never paid me back

[badbaduncle]

I am interested to hear views on this.

When I was little I was very close to 1 particular Uncle and used to 'help' him in his shop every weekend - making him tea and bringing his lunch, counting change etc, I loved it. I got a part time job when I was 14 and saved very hard aiming to buy a car when I was 17. Aged 16 DU came to me and asked to 'borrow' £1000 to bridge a loan so he could get a mortgage. I was very hesitant and asked DM and DF who said it was up to me but that on balance they thought it was a kind thing to do because he was never going to buy a house any other way. So I did.

He said he would pay it back 6 months later. I'm now in my 40s and he's never paid a penny. I asked approx 10 times between ages 18 and 25, quite insistently but with no back up from parents or anyone. DM said it was 'just money' and not worth upsetting the family for.

When I had my own DC I realised that I would never let anyone steal from them and exploit them. We've also struggled financially with no loans or help from anyone! I just find it really shocking that he would steal from his niece and that the wider family chose to ignore it.

I now ignore Uncle at any family occasions and am considered rude and it is commented on.
AIBU to think that it is fine to ignore him and when I am told I a rude and pressed on why and tell people he stole £1000 from me when I was 16?

OP, I think you shouldn't be hasty and need to do something quite calculated.

Maybe it's worth seeing a solicitor. How much did your uncle pay for the house and what percentage of that was your £1000 worth? For example if the house was £20K then you contributed 5% of that.

Would it be possible to get him to sign something admitting that he owes you £££?

It’s good that your cousin (assume uncles child) approached your DM. They must be deeply ashamed and/or know that their DF has form.

I would now go calmly to your cousin and ask verbally that they, as a family, look to return it with interest within a defined period (3 months?). Then I would write confirming conversation and ask them to confirm arrangements so that it is in writing.

The uncle has plenty ways of securing the cash either from his paid off home or via his children.

Don’t let this fester any longer - it’s eating you up inside and (understandably) compromising your own behaviour at family events and negatively impacting relationships. This needs sunlight once and for all. Good luck - take an action.

Do you still speak to your awful mother? She has purposefully sabotaged you getting the money back so in some ways she owes you herself. She sounds like a poisonous thief same as your uncle and I wouldn’t have any contact with either.

Is this uncle your mother’s brother? Why does she seem to have more loyalty towards your uncle and seems to downplay what is happening and even making insinuations about her nephew when she must have known you would have appreciated him trying to help.

*I would put it in writing that you lent him the £1k and still expect it back. I'd remind him every birthday/Christmas too. I'd use one of those online calculators to work out what the £1k is worth now with inflation....effectively send him a statement of what is owed, and keep a copy.

Then when he finally pops his clogs you have some sort of record that the debt is still owed and can at least get it back from his estate*

This is a brilliant idea. Do it, OP.

This. I love it!

I would write and ask for the money within 14 days, if not money claim online, easy to do. Who cares what anyone thinks, you did a kind thing and are the victim here. You have been treated really badly. Don’t ever lend extended family money ever again, just causes too much hassle. Good luck.

Your family put you in an awful position. You shouldn’t have been allowed to lend it him at 16. I’m assuming nothing in writing re the repayment. Even if you could prove the money transfer after all these years (assuming not cash) he could say it was a fit or you relating him. If he’s not been shamed into paying for all these years he’d be unlikely to now. I’d have nothing to do with him and no hesitation in making clear why you won’t. It’s not the money as such it’s taking advantage of a young girl. He technically didn’t steal you lent it him he took advantage of your kind nature and failed to repay his debt.

DM grew up in extreme poverty with domestic violence, I think this makes her protective of her older brother but she very rarely ever sees him and openly dislikes his wife.

Words almost fail me at your parents especially your mother. First of all you should have been cautioned about lending the money to him and not encouraged about it being a kind thing to do and, if you did lend it, it should have all been written up properly. And as for your mother saying that your cousin was trying to get one over his uncle by offering to pay, I'd have thought paying your debts was something to be encouraged. Tell everybody in your family about how your uncle took advantage of a trusting teenager to steal a thousand pounds off her. Say it loud and clear and often. The shame is his, not yours. A thousand pounds was a lot more back when you were 16 as well.

My mother would have removed any man's gonads for doing that to a teenage niece. At the very least, he'd have been running for it. She would never have wittered on about it being only money. I once as a a teenager loaned my parents some money to put towards a new car. Because they were normal people they paid me back every cent as soon as possible.

No, OP would not win at all.

Have you asked him for the money back at any point in the last 20 years? Why not just try that? It’s beyond belief that your mum refused repayment on your behalf, on the other hand why didn’t your cousin speak to you directly?

You're right not to talk to him and don't give a shit what anyone thinks because he's in the wrong.

Time40 · Today 09:34
I would put it in writing that you lent him the £1k and still expect it back. I'd remind him every birthday/Christmas too. I'd use one of those online calculators to work out what the £1k is worth now with inflation....effectively send him a statement of what is owed, and keep a copy.

Then when he finally pops his clogs you have some sort of record that the debt is still owed and can at least get it back from his estate

Yes do this.
I can’t believe your mother made the decision on your behalf not to accept the money from your cousin. Also, the cousin should have come to you directly and offered the money

Next time you see him say to your children, in front of him and his children and wife, ’you know when I was your age xx borrowed £1000 of me and he has not yet paid it back. What would you do if it happened to you?’

Why couldn’t your parents lend him the money if they thought it was such a nice thing to do? When your uncle failed to pay, your parents should have got involved or even paid you back as you were only 16! I think your uncle and your parents are disgraceful. If it’s commented how rude you are at the next family bash, loudly exclaim, ‘I don’t have to be nice to thieves’

Yes definitely let people know why you no longer speak to him when they ask. He needs to be ‘named and shamed’. Disgraceful behaviour and attitude of your uncle/family.

DU. Here are my bank details for the returning of the £1000. I've been told that with inflation, the actual repayment figure should be more like £xxxx! But I'm happy to accept £1K as.long as it is repaid in the next 14 days. Kind regards etc.

Next family event or meeting I'd confront him and make a scene in front of everybody. You can do a lot without actually breaking the law: threaten to put it in the hands of a collection agency, put it on social media, tell all your relatives, send him a printed letter and mention bailiffs. Find out more about him and see if you can use that.

I wouldn't stop harassing him until I got every penny back

This!! 100%, it's not just inflation but what he was able to buy with it!!

Am shocked he didn't ask the parents for the loan rather than the child. And I wonder how they would have dealt with the non-repayment 🤔

He wouldn't give a shit about social media or being 'shamed'. DM and F divorced in my early 20s and DM now blames F for the entire situation. It's infuriating.

He did ask my parents and they refused but I didn't know that until I specifically asked when I was about 18.
I have asked for it back very very many times, it's not for lack of asking.

My understanding is a debt is no longer a debt after 6 years unless you put in writing it is still owed (regularly before the 6 years is up!) I could be wrong but this definitely was the case when I enquired about getting money, owed to me, back.

Wow, that's insane. What kind of person would borrow £1000 from a child at all, let alone refuse to pay it back?

I'd be telling everyone why you don't speak to him.

Your parents should he ashamed of their part in it too.

Just did a Rightmove comparison and his house will be worth £650k ish now.
The most annoying was when I really really pressed him for it in the run up to my wedding and he said 'I don't have it and can't give you it but we could do you a lovely honeymoon her'
What a fucking idiot I was, but at 16 I do find it shocking