Uncle borrowed £1000 when I was 16 and never paid me back

[badbaduncle]

I am interested to hear views on this.

When I was little I was very close to 1 particular Uncle and used to 'help' him in his shop every weekend - making him tea and bringing his lunch, counting change etc, I loved it. I got a part time job when I was 14 and saved very hard aiming to buy a car when I was 17. Aged 16 DU came to me and asked to 'borrow' £1000 to bridge a loan so he could get a mortgage. I was very hesitant and asked DM and DF who said it was up to me but that on balance they thought it was a kind thing to do because he was never going to buy a house any other way. So I did.

He said he would pay it back 6 months later. I'm now in my 40s and he's never paid a penny. I asked approx 10 times between ages 18 and 25, quite insistently but with no back up from parents or anyone. DM said it was 'just money' and not worth upsetting the family for.

When I had my own DC I realised that I would never let anyone steal from them and exploit them. We've also struggled financially with no loans or help from anyone! I just find it really shocking that he would steal from his niece and that the wider family chose to ignore it.

I now ignore Uncle at any family occasions and am considered rude and it is commented on.
AIBU to think that it is fine to ignore him and when I am told I a rude and pressed on why and tell people he stole £1000 from me when I was 16?

@billy1966 sadly I was liable because I signed stuff I was given when working for the family business. I didn't really have much of a choice (well I did but when you're young you just do as your parents say and of course it's absolutely unthinkable that it's tens of thousands of pounds of debt you're going to end up with)

It was over 15 years ago now and the debt is long forgotten, written off as an uncollectible debt thanks to the really lovely understanding man at the collections agency. Once he was convinced that I wasn't the person he'd been dealing with (mum pretended to be me and kept putting them off by promising payment plans) and told me what the debt was, he was quite rightfully disgusted and knew I couldn't pay it as a 8 month pregnant SAHM working in a cafe by then.

It did mean that I never bought a house though and I never wanted to get a career/full time job while I was still liable as then I would be working just to pay off someone else's debt.

Mum still doesn't think they did anything wrong. No. Really. They were "victims" of companies not paying them so they couldn't pay their workers (true, but still not justified)

This, when people post on here usually asking if they're unreasonable for expecting their friend to pay them money owed back it's usually a barrage of 'don't lend it if you're not willing to lose it' and 'get over it'

@alphapie I think you're a bit pathetic deliberately going into different threads stirring the pot.

I'm sad for you that your DP's didn't stand up for 16 year old you
I think I would write to your uncle( recorded delivery) factually stating he has not repaid your money, and you're now stating you now need the money as no attempt has been made
I would email your cousins stating you have done this and mention you were unaware your Mum had told them payment was unnecessary
Do not breathe a word to your DM

Can you pay him a visit and nick something/s from his house....

Thanks @alphapie .

My answer isn't necessarily the right one, but in my case, it seemed that I had a choice. The person who borrowed it couldn't pay it back. If I'd made a song and dance about it we'd both have looked bad, especially me.

I decided to wite it off.

Yawn

Thank's so much to everyone for the vindication. I feel so much better about it all!

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants He lives in an outstandingly beautiful area - think Lake district or similar and offered us a honeymoon in his house, with him and his wife, instead of paying me back!!

Stealing from a child is very pathetic, so by only being a bit pathetic I am on the high ground, morally 😂

This is actually not a bad idea 😂

What a lowlife.

hold your head up high with your family. They are enabling his behaviour.

Hope you’re struggling less now??

I've just done one and it said £2128

Who the heck is voting YABU? 🙄🤔

He's a lowlife but also a bit astonished at your 'D'M. I would try to let it go because you don't deserve to feel all the annoyance. But still, yuck.

My guess would be the poster who likes to pop on every thread just to be contrary and have a go at the OP.

I’d contact the cousin who wanted to pay you back, and ask if the offer was still there. It’s not your Mum’s offer to refuse.

Your uncle is a loser and you are in the right.

I'd not ignore him though. I'd stand next to him at every family occasion, asking where my money is...

It's the principal.

If your mum says “it’s only money” - ask her to pay your uncles debt! Otherwise as poster says upthread, do a Statement with added interest owed and claim it from his estate if you can when he dies. And I’d send this Statement to him every year.

I would write him a letter saying how hurt you are. You understand £1000 is a lot of money to find but you are really struggling now and you hate the fact that money is coming between you as you were on e so close

Could he set up a direct debit of 50/100 pm into your account until it is paid off.

If he doesn't I would tell everyone about him

Do anything BUT DONT DO THIS!

i really hope you’re being sarcastic otherwise what the actual fuck

The OP's uncle is a thief. He deserves to be called out as a thief. Ideally he should be taken to court and it would serve him right to have a CCJ. But this suggestion is sick. I wonder how @GemmaSparkles would feel if she or a member of her family were falsely accused of child sex abuse. Maybe her offspring might nick money/items from someone at some point in time. Would she want such a false and sick accusation applied to them?

Well obviously it's not right.

But look at it from this perspective - it taught you one hell of a lesson.

I know people that it's cost tens of thousands to learn similar - others a couple of hundred quid. A grand is a lot, but it could be a lot worse.

Well if it's only money to your mum and doesn't matter scabbing off a child she can pay it back for him?