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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Uncle borrowed £1000 when I was 16 and never paid me back

151 replies

badbaduncle · 14/07/2022 08:16

I am interested to hear views on this.

When I was little I was very close to 1 particular Uncle and used to 'help' him in his shop every weekend - making him tea and bringing his lunch, counting change etc, I loved it. I got a part time job when I was 14 and saved very hard aiming to buy a car when I was 17. Aged 16 DU came to me and asked to 'borrow' £1000 to bridge a loan so he could get a mortgage. I was very hesitant and asked DM and DF who said it was up to me but that on balance they thought it was a kind thing to do because he was never going to buy a house any other way. So I did.

He said he would pay it back 6 months later. I'm now in my 40s and he's never paid a penny. I asked approx 10 times between ages 18 and 25, quite insistently but with no back up from parents or anyone. DM said it was 'just money' and not worth upsetting the family for.

When I had my own DC I realised that I would never let anyone steal from them and exploit them. We've also struggled financially with no loans or help from anyone! I just find it really shocking that he would steal from his niece and that the wider family chose to ignore it.

I now ignore Uncle at any family occasions and am considered rude and it is commented on.
AIBU to think that it is fine to ignore him and when I am told I a rude and pressed on why and tell people he stole £1000 from me when I was 16?

OP posts:
NightyKnight · 14/07/2022 10:16

That's just awful!

I'm taking from this thread...never lend to family unless (a) you can afford for it not to be repaid (b) you have drawn up a legal contract for repayment, as I did with my parents for my divorce legal fees. As soon as I get my final bill from the solicitors this month I'll be repaying them the full amount!

Essexgalttc · 14/07/2022 10:18

You’re not being unreasonable
Your parents also shouldn’t of let you lend £1000 to someone at age 16/17

NightyKnight · 14/07/2022 10:18

That's just atrocious behaviour by your DM! I think I'd be saying, if it's only money, and you're so blasé about turning it down on my behalf, then you can give me the money as you should never have sanctioned me lending it in the first place!

Glad you're telling your DC, so they can benefit from your sadly hard-won wisdom on 'never a borrower or a lender be'...

BooksAndCarrotCakes · 14/07/2022 10:19

I know someone who, when he was 14 his grandparent died and left him 1000K. His mum then said she needed to use it for her and her boyfriend to get a rent deposit.....he didn't get it back. It's awful behaviour, by those who are meant to set an example, I really do feel for you xx

AryaStarkWolf · 14/07/2022 10:19

That's awful and shame on your parents too for not having your back. It must have been hard at 16 to save that amount of money and would have been a great achievement to use it to buy yourself a car. It would have been bad to take £1000 off someone and not pay it back it's particularly distasteful to do it to a teenager who's worked their ass off saving that up. You are absolutely not being unreasonable

Meraas · 14/07/2022 10:19

Send an email to his whole family demanding the money.

Shame the fucker.

HollowTalk · 14/07/2022 10:22

I think that is the point in going down the legal route. He's clearly got no intention of repaying you. You don't speak to him. You have nothing to lose by going to the small claims court. He's an absolute disgrace.

Blowthemandown · 14/07/2022 10:22

@badbaduncle I don’t think you should let this go. Bring it out into the open. Say you can’t move on. Your hard earned money made a massive difference. Ask him when he will pay you back - lump sum or over a few months or to add it as a gift in his Will. See what the response is. Also put your other family members in their place - just be plain ‘I find it quite disrespectful when you sweep it under the carpet/he is splashing the cash but not paying me back’ it is plain wrong!

Awombaweh · 14/07/2022 10:23

I hope this get picked up by the DM! 😂 You could just send him the link.

Meraas · 14/07/2022 10:24

If you've got something in writing it is madness not going down the small claims court route.

Pyewhacket · 14/07/2022 10:25

Well if there is nothing you can do about it then forget it and move on.

starfishmummy · 14/07/2022 10:28

HollowTalk · 14/07/2022 10:22

I think that is the point in going down the legal route. He's clearly got no intention of repaying you. You don't speak to him. You have nothing to lose by going to the small claims court. He's an absolute disgrace.

This happened when the OP was 16 and she us now in her 40s. Well past the time limit for the s all claims court.

5foot5 · 14/07/2022 10:34

BooksAndCarrotCakes · 14/07/2022 10:19

I know someone who, when he was 14 his grandparent died and left him 1000K. His mum then said she needed to use it for her and her boyfriend to get a rent deposit.....he didn't get it back. It's awful behaviour, by those who are meant to set an example, I really do feel for you xx

1000K? That's a million. Did you mean that much? Still shocking whatever.

OP I am outraged on your behalf. I cannot comprehend parents allowing and even encouraging a 16 year old to lend that amount if money. Any amount in fact. And for your mother to just dismiss it as a thing, yo actively refuse the refund, words fail!

No advice but at least his offspring sound decent, maybe they will repay with interest when he pops his cligs

RedCardigan · 14/07/2022 10:35

Tell anyone that will listen he stole money from a 16 year old.
your mother isn’t your DM. She doesn’t like you and I would go LC with someone as evil as that

SurfBox · 14/07/2022 10:36

Absolutely shocking behaviour from your family

Not shocking sadly;I've seen worse behaviour like this in families (my own included) and you'd be amazed how the offender will have his/her behaviour brushed off/minimised by the family and the victim made to feel like they are overreacting or unreasonable for being angry and hostile.

LuluBlakey1 · 14/07/2022 10:38

Taking inflation into account- he owes you £2000 and that is without any interest on the loan.

RedWingBoots · 14/07/2022 10:40

What a fucking idiot I was, but at 16 I do find it shocking

You weren't an idiot you were a child exploited by adults.

The first being your uncle - he had no shame in asking a child for money.

The second both your parents - they shouldn't have told you to lend him the money.

The third your mum solely - why did she not allow your cousin to repay you?

IncompleteSenten · 14/07/2022 10:42

I would tell people every time they said anything.

Well no, I don't really want to talk to him. He took £1000 off me when I was a child and promised to pay me back and never has. I lost all respect for him once I realised he was someone who would take advantage of a child.

Sugaspunsista · 14/07/2022 10:44

I would write to him officially requesting the money

Phobiaphobic · 14/07/2022 10:45

scarletisjustred · 14/07/2022 09:46

Words almost fail me at your parents especially your mother. First of all you should have been cautioned about lending the money to him and not encouraged about it being a kind thing to do and, if you did lend it, it should have all been written up properly. And as for your mother saying that your cousin was trying to get one over his uncle by offering to pay, I'd have thought paying your debts was something to be encouraged. Tell everybody in your family about how your uncle took advantage of a trusting teenager to steal a thousand pounds off her. Say it loud and clear and often. The shame is his, not yours. A thousand pounds was a lot more back when you were 16 as well.

My mother would have removed any man's gonads for doing that to a teenage niece. At the very least, he'd have been running for it. She would never have wittered on about it being only money. I once as a a teenager loaned my parents some money to put towards a new car. Because they were normal people they paid me back every cent as soon as possible.

This. Your family's behaviour is outrageous. I don't blame you for not being able to get past it. It's not about the money, it's about a much deeper malaise underpinning the way you have been treated.

DuckBilledPlattyJoobs · 14/07/2022 10:46

I would tell him that you would like your ‘share’ of the house, the original £1k invested will be worth a lot more now.

Emotionalsupportviper · 14/07/2022 10:46

Why is it you are expected not to upset family, but it's okay for family to upset you? Your parents should have offered to lend him the money if they cared about him so much.

I'd tell everyone.

He owes you a good bit of compound interest, too.

I've noticed that it's always the people who have been sht on who are expected to keep the peace and not make waves. The ones who sht on them are never criticised for their awful behaviour. Why is this?

ClinkeyMonkey · 14/07/2022 10:46

I think the worst aspect of this is the shocking lack of solidarity from your family. I imagine if you had been 10 years older when you lent your uncle the money, you wouldn't have been quite so affected by his failure to repay. DP has lent money to family members in the past but, as an adult, he fully understands that he might never see it again. A 16 year old will trust an adult, indeed a close family member, to keep their word. You were financially exploited by someone you trusted and that's hard to get past. Your uncle is a scumbag. Nothing will change that.

LuluBlakey1 · 14/07/2022 10:46

Can you afford to lose £2000? I would write to him saying you want the money- £2000 inc inflation back as a lump sum and that he can take out a loan if he has to or extend his mortgage to pay you back. I wonder what his family and friends would make of an adult man exploiting a 16 year old girl for £2000- because that it what he has done. He took advantage of your relationship- you loaned him the money because you were close to him, you trusted him and he assured you he would pay you back. He has ruined your relationship.

I can't understand your parents allowing you to do it and then not standing up for you.

KAT0779 · 14/07/2022 10:49

OP I am so angry for you, and would definitely be letting people know what he did, although I suppose there is no proof of it, and would he deny it? Unless you have any texts about it etc.

When I was about 16 my "friend's" dad borrowed £100 off me, he promised to pay it back £10 per week and I wasn't comfortable with this at all but felt pressured into it. I got £20 of it back. I know in the grand scheme of things £80 isn't much but it was my money and was a lot to me then, and there was no way my dad would ask one of my friends to lend him money (mainly because he didn't need to but I'm sure he'd have to be on the bones of his arse to have to resort to borrowing off a 16 year old girl) but my friend's dad smoked etc. so wasn't desperate for the money to pay bills or anything.