To think that toddlers don’t need screens when they’re out and about?

[anotherscroller]

From the other “things you find rude and others don’t” thread, but it’s quite a big one so I thought it could have its own thread.

Here goes:
People who give their toddlers (let’s say 18 months to age 4) tablets/phones to watch tv on in public during incredibly short interludes of time.
e.g. A train journey of less than an hour, a bus ride, while they’re ordering coffee at a café, at the bus stop. While they’re in their buggy being driven back from nursery! That one blows my mind.
If it’s a long haul flight I do it myself, but I think such young children don’t need a screen entertaining them the whole time. AIBU? They are interested in trees, ants, the contents of your bag, playing beekaboo with your sun hat, everything. Watching the world go by.
EXCEPTION: Unless they have, or their caregivers has, a health condition that requires it, makes life easier, make life worth living..

Why do I find it rude?
In the same why I find anything where people are shutting themselves off from other people in public and not being aware of others. Even with headphones on. With toddlers, as an adult with my own toddler, I feel like they and people around them are being deprived of the opportunity to “be present” together. My toddler always wants to be curious about a child on the next table, show them her teddy, or something, and nine times out of ten they can’t because said child is completely lobotomised in front of an iPad.
i think part of being a parent is creatively keeping small children occupied during a waiting time.
i think part of being a child is learning how to be ok with boredom or waiting time, and not constantly having flashy tv to watch.
AIBU?

It seems she is unable to sufficiently entertain her child, so those pesky children on screens means she can’t just ignore her toddler and said toddlers teddy while they irritate the people at the next table.

I agree though. My 2 year old doesn't have any access to phones or tablets at all. I talk to him, read books or play with hi toy.

In the same why I find anything where people are shutting themselves off from other people in public and not being aware of others

I read in public, is that terrible too?

His toys*

Posted too soon.

Sometimes it's tiring but I don't want to give in to screen time yet. It's best in the long run for him

We avoid it where possible, and put lots of effort into entertaining during car journeys etc. But we are totally the parents who give our toddler a tablet in the pub because it's often the one time we've had that week to go out and just have a bit of time to ourselves. I used to judge parents for it before I became a parent myself I'm ashamed to say, but I don't feel guilty doing it now because that 1.5 hrs of relative peace to recharge feels worth it.

do you think parents who do give their children screens don’t do any of those things?!

My kids aren't quite that old but old enough that we didn't have tablets or smartphones (I had a nokia brick, I think).

I used to take things for them to do eg crayons or sticker books. More interaction and chatting than some parents do these days (not all, obviously). Quietish activities together (fond memories of whisper-singing Wind the Bobbin Up on a flight to Rome). I think there was less expectation that adults would be able to get on with adult stuff and leave children to themselves- on a flight DH and I would do shifts sitting between our DC and doing full-on parenting while the other one had an hour to read or doze, then swap round. I also think perhaps people generally were more understanding about the fact that children on a flight would not necessarily be completely silent.

Also definitely have memories of children misbehaving and difficult times when being able to give them a screen would have been a godsend. But I'm generally really pleased that my children were small before screens were ubiquitous- if I'd had young children now, I'm sure I'd be as reliant on them as the next person.

Oh I have never talked to my child

Me neither, how he is trilingual I will never know 🤷🏽‍♂️

im supposed to talk to my child? How did I never realise that! I thought the iPad did it all 🤦‍♀️

Rosetta Stone app, obviously

I never judge parents who do this. As the saying goes ' walk a mile in my shoes ' or something like that 🤔

There are a few on here banging on about developing empathy and learning social cues who don't appear to have developed those things themselves.

Mine don't have tablets for things like shopping, buggy rides and restaurants, but I can absolutely see why some do. My reason for now allowing it at restaurants is purely selfish - they are noisy places already and I can't deal with the added noise. I do have colouring books, stickers and reading books and small toys which are equally distracting for them and serve the same purpose.

My 3 year old sometimes doesn't want to interact with other toddlers, some parents don't stop their children from touching her and trying to interact with her when she's actively trying to avoid them and getting upset - I think that is ruder giving a child something to distract them for a bit. Nobody knows what else that toddler does in a day, I wouldn't judge.

I was in a primary school concert in a church last week and there was a 4 year old on screen with the sound on. In a concert. He kept tuning the sound right up to hear it over the kids on stage. Eventually it was removed as they finally noticed other parents looking at them, and he wasn’t even wriggly, so really didn’t need it. Another younger toddler was squawking away pointing to the kids playing instruments, stain glass windows, sometime bored waiting. It was actually lovely to hear her joining in and being excited. Totally appropriate toddler behaviour in a kids performance.

on the other hand I do understand how useful they can be. One of my daughters has ADHD and was relentlessly busy as a toddler. Usually ants, leaves, pigeons, running around etc. kept her entertained, but sometimes an iPhone was our saviour. To be a cliche she only had educational games though. Did result in her screaming out (at 2) that “EVERYTHING HAS GONE ALL WOBBLY!!” In the middle of our wedding vows after she double clicked an app and new she had to tell Daddy so she didn’t delete anything. Thankfully the Pocket Phonics app helped her become an early and very avid reader and after that we could just shove a book at her (no one judges that). She is now a teen with her own iPhone, so we’re battling about screen time….

Thank you 🌺I don't quite remember what I did as a child, hence the question.

but it's not like 80s and 90s babies were all anges. Mums must have been exhausted too and somehow they made it without tech. How did you entertain children on journey etc.?

I grew up in the 80s - clearly don't remember the toddler years but rest of childhood went out much less than we do and often to more mundane places supermarket - where bribery was used - or DGP houses. Car journeys often led to my younger sister falling asleep and past that we were expected to be quite - and this we kids hated long car journeys. Plus threat of being smacked was always there and was socially acceptable then.

My parents always said the UK was very child unfriendly and we've not found that as much with our kids so perhaps the amount children are out and about has increased.

My eldest is 17 and screen /phone were a thing but less so than now and we did limit access to screens even TV as toddlers - comics - though they got expensive, books, colouring in - talked to, food, toys - our other children threats to walk home rather than take bus - which we did on occasion - it was hard work and long journeys were exhausting.

Maybe the toddler would usually scream if he/she is in a buggy. My baby doesn't really qabt to sit still in a buggy. I don't use screens but then I won't judge anyone that does. Please stop judging others, it's difficult enough being a parent.

My 2-year-old DS is having way too much screen time lately. We're in a heatwave and this past weekend he had a fever of 39⁰C and suspected heatstroke. I'm doing everything I can to keep him cool and out of the sun where he is desperate to be running like a maniac. Tablets absolutely have their uses.

That said, we don't bring the tablet out and about. This has, however, resulted in the odd apocalyptic tantrum in Sainsbury's and in a coffee shop. If I had the tablet with me, you bet I would've given it to him to stop irritating everyone else in public.

Yes thank you. It was about a regrettable social change.

tablet in the buggy on the way home from nursery….
bet you it’s to keep them awake. Mine were ready to drop and we didn’t have this as an option. There was a lot of loud singing and calling of DONT GO TO SLEEP WOOOO!!!!!! In my car on the way home from nursery. They would nod no matter what we did. Even a 5minute nap would hugely screw up bedtime. I totally would have given them a tablet for the journey home before starting bath and bedtime and story time. It would have been a game changer.

would you feel the same if the child was reading a book?

It was about a regrettable social change.

But OP, your child approaching another table in a restaurant is hardly good social behaviour. Interrupting a family meal is something you should actively prevent your child from doing. You are keen to slate parents for using a tablet to keep their child occupied, but you are not even bothering to occupy yours.

do you see all technology as regrettable social change or only when it is used as a tool by parents?

Its lazy parenting for sure.

Plus it deprives kids of boredom .. which they need to have creative play and imagination