Big row with H (not at DH atm !)
At the end of last month I mentioned I had just had my car cleaned.and noticed a few scratches on it. H said take it to Johns garage and he will sort it out. I said ok I will get a quote and go from there.
'John' is a good friend of DH . Two days later he tells me he has had a word and to take the car to the garage. Where one of the panel beaters would have a look at it and tell me how much.
I arrived at the garage meeting DH there and the panel beater had a look at the door and said £200.. I said there is also a scratch on the wheel arch .. he quoted £250. I thanked him and said I would be in touch soon as it's not in the budget this month but could possibly be next month depending upon increased bill costs.
DH joins the conversation and says 'what about this one on the boot and a couple on the passenger side . (These scratches are v minor the sort of thing you get around my way when you pull in next to a hedge on a small lane to let a car pass you.. ) really superficial - nothing that's going to cause rust etc .
I say to DH that it's not in my budget to have it all done as I can't afford it and there are many more bills and expenses ahead of polishing my car.
DH says 'don't worry about the money' just get it done. He then asks the panel beater how much for the whole thing ? I interrupt him and say 'it's not doable at the moment I'll do it but by bit when I can afford it. I need to get to work now ' Again DH says 'don't worry about the money just do it'
I jump in the car and drive to work. 5 minutes into he journey DH rings and says 'just text 'John' and say you want the whole lot done I will sort out the money. I say thank you. Text and book it in.
Yesterday I went to pick it up. The price was £350. DH gives me the cash and asks when am I going to get this back ? You need to tell me the repayment plan. I am furious as I didn't want it done now as I can't afford it. !! I am so hacked off with him. He is fuming with me because I am ungrateful..' I did a nice thing for you - I know how much you love your car - you are so rude and ungrateful !
I tell him I have nothing to be grateful for. If he had paid as an act of generosity then absolutely ! Extremely grateful. But in my eyes he has simply moved a debt from the garage on to me for something I didn't want to do now. I couldn't afford the work when it was £250 let alone £350 I only agreed to do it because he was so insistent. !!
Some important information. We have not only separate finances but also live in separate houses. We are 12 years married and in separate homes for the last few years. It may sound strange but works for us. We stay with each other 3-4 nights a week.
DH has always been very secretive with money . I also now think he was just showing off in front of his mates . Looking to be the benevolent husband paying for his wife's car..
AIBU to be really angry to have a debt I had already said I couldn't afford foisted up me
Or am I an ungrateful cow who now has a lovely shiny car but may not be able to pay all my bills next month .- which is my fault for not nailing him down at the time and getting 'don't worry about the money' clarified from the start. ?