Grannys Funny Comments

[girlfriend44]

My granny (deceased now) used to hate women dressing in black and women who wore trousers?

What funny/strange comments did your granny used to make or still make?

My brother would never spend money, instead asking me or our mumto buy things for him, my ban used to say he's tighter than a gnats fanny and ain't much getting in there.

We were also not allowed to cut finger or tie nails on a Friday as it was unlucky.

She's been dead 16 years now and I miss her every day.

My nana once opened a budgie cage whilst it was out in the garden as she thought it needed more air!
Unsurprisingly they then needed more budgie

My adored but rather bossy Grandmother was a flapper in the day and always told me short hair was becoming. I had below shoulder length hair which I was rather proud of. When I went to Uni she would post me clippings from the Telegraph of short hair styles. I never did cut it short, much to her disapointment, but on my wedding day she did say "you look beautiful my dear" which I will always treasure.
She lived to a week off 100 and was totally of sound mind. She put that down to a small whisky mac before bedtime. However in company she competed with my elderly aunt and neighbour as to who drank the least. As my neighbour was fond of Special Brew, and my Aunt was practically a sherry conoisseur it led to lots of smothered giggles between my DM and I. So one year, in my teens, I made a rum topf from the soft fruit in the garden and over proof rum. Come Boxing day I served it with meringues and icecream. All three of them were requesting a little more of the delicious "syrup" having turned down all but half a glass of wine... A very merry time was had by all.
Last one, when my Grandmother was asked if she would like any more to eat she would say "absolute sufficiency, more would be flippity floppety". Yes I say that too now!

My nanny hated ripped jeans… had no idea why you’d buy them with holes in them!

Always asked me why I was so spotty… “surely you can do something about them it’s such a shame”! Yes I bloody wish I could get rid of my teenage acne at 25!

Hated me with a fringe, she would say it covered up my face and surely I didn’t like it?!

Always make sure you got clean underwear you might have an accident.

(She meant not faded slight rip etc) because the people at the hospital will see them.
when she died clearing out her flat we found 300 pairs of new knickers, 50 plus must have been meant for me. My mum said m and s are going to miss her.
She also didn’t like going to a shop using another shops bags (she reused her plastic bags but it had to be for that shop)
She did lots of other mad things but I think it must have been because she was a teen during ww2.

My mother has one, in the late 60's she first met my fathers Victorian grandma , who could be a bit of a tartar, and she asked my mother if she had bought her (very) mini dress on the Never Never. Ma said no she had made it herself. Great Grandma said "Oh I thought you were paying in installments and I wondered when you were going to get the rest of it" 😆

Nan on Google, "I want you to go on doogle and ask him......."

My Granny used to say that you should absolutely be married before you had a baby. Pretty certain this was because she had my Mum in 1943 as a single Mum, aged 36. My Granny had balls!

The Victorians used poisonous green dye in sweets and other foodstuffs, as well as wallpaper. Called Scheele's Green, it was so popular that by the end of the 19th century, it had replaced the earlier mineral and vegetable dyes—but its invention came with a price. It contained arsenic.

My very working class Nan used to give me pretends "posh" nicknames like Tilly Felanne and Mademoiselle of Marmatiers!

My dad would say the same!

My Nan used to love gardening & used to sing the "busy bee" song all the time. I'm obsessed with bees these days, sing the song often myself & miss her terribly. Until she went into a home, I spoke to her daily.

My grandma, didn't like Edwina curry. When she came on the telly, I was sat watching and my grandma said, turn it off, I don't want to see that buck teeth, fanny face on my telly. She was in her 70's when she said this. It made me laugh, but respect grandma more.

both my Grannie’s have passed and I can’t think of anything off the top of my head (I’m sure there are many!) but I am loving reading all the wonderful memories you all have of your Grannie’s and their funnyisms, especially not forgetting condiments 😂💜

This was told to me by my gran when I was pregnant. She was sure that if I stretched up and down the cord would end up round the baby’s neck. She was fascinated when I showed her my 12 week scan. Had no idea the baby was fully formed before it was much older and closer to being born.

My nana would say the more you cry the less you pee. And she would fart and then state 'the queen does it!'. God I miss her.

Love this!

My great grandma used to say ‘lucky in cards, unlucky in love’ to me when I beat her in a game. It would have been a game of pairs and I was about 5.

Great grandma also used to say ‘you’re looking well’ which invariably meant you’d put on a bit of weight.

She had an issue with piercings. She used to say if god wanted you to have those holes he would have give them to you!

I have never posted on here but I needed to just because of how much I love my grandma I was 18 she was 86 when she died and she was the most wonderful person in the world but she made me piss…

Quote 1- (a guy I was seeing was seeing another girl) her words … well you don’t look at the mantelpiece whilst you’re poking the fire 😱

Quote and experience 2 - (grandma was in many ways naive due to the war, tradition etc she sort to educate herself unfortunately she was a natural worrier and she watched a programme which highlighted an increase in STIs-this lead to me and my friend enjoying a sausage sandwich on a college lunch at her home and her presenting in an amber glass fruit bowl a bowl full of condoms) she whispered HIV is everywhere

this caused my best friend to nearly choke on a sausage sandwich and embarrassment and hysterical laughter to commence.

honestly the kindness most beautiful woman I have ever known but she cracked me up

My Nan watching Road Traffic Cops or similar:

Man pulled over for turning right out of a turn left only junction

"Lock him up and throw away the key!"

My nanna used to chase us round her kitchen holding a raw chicken by its legs and singing "clap hands here comes Charlie" while clapping the legs together 😂😂 and saying she would save 'the parson's nose' (the arse bit of the chicken) for me and my brother.
I used to laugh until my sides hurt but I think my brother, at 3 years younger, was terrified 😂😂😂

One is a music hall song and I am singing it in my head now. Way back in the 1970s there was a popular show called "the Good Old Days". It had a lot of old music hall songs. "Madamoiselle from Armentieres" is what she meant. It went "Mademoiselle from Armentières
Parlez-vous?
Mademoiselle from Armentières
Parlez-vous?
Elle n'avait pas encore parlé
Qu'elle savait déjà chanter
Mademoiselle from Armentières"
Not sure about the other nickname, although Vesta Tilley was a big star.

😂