Grannys Funny Comments

[girlfriend44]

My granny (deceased now) used to hate women dressing in black and women who wore trousers?

What funny/strange comments did your granny used to make or still make?

Mine wouldn't let me use tampons. "Its not normal to shove things up you!"

My nan is amazing, she brought me up as a child as I would go and live with her for months at a time (and most of my teenage years) so we are very close. We were both widowed young, she chose not to remarry. When I told her recently I had started dating, she advised me to be careful because "men don't want just friendship, and he might want sex". I laughed and said that I bloody hoped so!

She won't use a wheelchair despite having really poor mobility, or even countenance a tray on wheels, because they are for old people. She's 91.

oh this is hilarious!!

My Scottish granny said it was bad luck to put your shoes on the table.

Haha that’s so funny 😆 it’s almost the opposite for me. My nan and oldies crew are all in their early to mid 90’s and they laugh about 70 + 80 year olds who go around talking about how old they are and stuff. They just think of them as kids still lol
My nan , like many, have so many of them lol

Haha sounds like our Nan’s were cut from the same cloth xx

If only it still was x

@myfaceismyown my Grandpa used to sing Mademoiselle from Amentieres. He learned it on the Somme in the First World War. It would come out occasionally in his late old age after some wine when he would allow himself to reminisce about his time in that terrible war.
Loving the Granny talk. Sadly mine had dementia from my teens so many of my memories are sad and scary rather than funny.

This thread is so funny and sweet.

My nan was once talking to me about the internet, she had never used it or even used a computer before so it was a bit difficult to explain. Towards the end of our conversation she said "I've heard you can even... (whispers) have sex on it". 😂

I have noooo idea how we got on this subject, but my lovely Nan started talking about "sex these days" and came out with this cracker... "Oooh, I couldn't put it in my mouth"....

I guess I should feel sorry for my grandad?? 😳

Was she a Mumsnetter?

Shot put! I love this! Why are grannies so naturally funny - I hope I'm as interesting and funny when I'm as old.

I think this is the loveliest thread I've ever read on MN. Thanks to the OP for starting it. Honestly, some of these stories have me crying with laughter!!

My dear grandmother was very superstitious if she was alive today she would be 115 and she passed away 21 years ago. Here are a few of the things she would say:

1. You had to go out the same door you came in
2. Two people could not look in the mirror at the same time or your souls could cross
3. No new shoes on the table
4. No open umbrella in the house
5. No stepping on cracks
6. If it rained in St Swithun's day it meant rain for another 40 days.
7. If you only see a single magpie looking for another one
8. Don't break a mirror it is 7 years bad luck
9. Having a chimney sweep at weddings is lucky

10. Good and bad things happen in threes 11. Never pass on the stairs

My Nan who was very much a lady and never swore was once asked by a window salesman if she’d ever marry again after my granddads passing her reply was “not even if his arse is decked in diamonds! “ I miss her terribly she was my best friend.

Yes. It really is quite beautiful.

My granny was quite proper but every Bonfire day she’d buy us sparklers from the newsagents and just before handing them to us she’d do her sparkler dance with them. Her sparkler dance involved her hitching up her skirt and doing a kind of can can whilst weaving the sparklers in and out of her legs dangerously close to her bri-nylon pants and her stocking tops. She could have gone up like Guy Fawkes in the blink of an eye and it was the funniest thing ever.

Oh and I can recall after Mass on a Sunday that she need help off with her ‘roll on’ so me and my sister would take turns. On one occasion she was wearing a new one and it was so difficult to get it off her I actually fell backwards on the last tug and ricochet across the room. I must have been about 10 and I’ve never forgotten it. It was great fun.

My great grandma apparently thought a woman shouldn’t wear shiny patent leather shoes, because men might see her knickers reflected in them.

When I told my grandmother that I was joining the armed forces, her response was ' are you one of those funny women? ' in a shocked tone.
On offering to get her a walking frame due to her failing mobility, I was told sharply that they were for old people! She was 89.
When she sadly had to go into a nursing home due to dementia, she was convinced that it was a brothel, the care assistants were the ' tarts ' the nurse was the madam and the male residents were the customers! This information was given in a very hushed tone.
God, I miss that woman.

My grandparents got married at a church next to a football ground. My nan was very
fond of telling the story of how she saw a group of supporters as she was going in, and one shouted over ‘Don’t do it, love - come to watch the match with us!’ This story would always be followed by a snort and ‘I should have bloody listened’!

👌😜

My gran, when she was about 75. We were talking about keeping active in old age. She said, 'I'm not doing so bad, I can still get my feet in the sink to wash them'

My grandma - we called her Mam - died in 1997 aged 97.

Mam used to say things like all froth and no pop. She used to call her boobs Alice and Maud and I was very tempted to call my dc these names in her honour (but didn’t!)

Like some other grandmas on here she used to enjoy watching wrestling (don’t think she ever went to see any live though) and snooker on a tiny little black and white tv my parents bought her.

She was very traditional - didn’t think women should go to pubs and if my mother or auntie ever came home (as grown adults and parents themselves) she’d give them “what for” as she called it.

My aunty was widowed in her 50’s and lived with my grandma until she died. They had one of those love/hate relationships, and sometimes listening to the bickering between them would have me crying with laughter.

Right up til the end she was up and dressed (stays and all) every morning at 6, mowing her own lawn, doing her housework, standing on stools to clean the tops of kitchen units, cleaning out the grate, scrubbing the doorstep etc.

My granny died before I was born but I was brought up my my grandad

never pick a dandelion or you’ll pee the bed

never put shoes on the table or someone will die

always put your slippers in a cross (one on top of the other) and leave your clothes in a neat pile-before you go to bed just in case there’s a fire (cos your first thought,if your house is on fire,is ‘where’s my pants?’)

always wear a belt and braces-if one gives way,at least you won’t lose your trousers

he could see an accident at 5 paces and was obsessed with avoiding them-my parents where the exact opposite-it created some interesting clashes

he was the original ’during the war’-there was a lot of funny stories
i remember him telling me that during an air raid the kids ran to the shelter
granny however was running round
’granny,what you looking for?
granny-me teeth!
kids-granny they are dropping bombs,not sandwiches!

I miss him so much-I was forced to watch the most intelligent,witty,loving,kind,gentle man I’ve ever known,die of dementia and I’ll love and miss him for the rest of my life-he clung on in his last days to see me and then he died