Grannys Funny Comments

[girlfriend44]

My granny (deceased now) used to hate women dressing in black and women who wore trousers?

What funny/strange comments did your granny used to make or still make?

Accidentally went to a swingers party round a neighbours'.house and wondered why people were in their pyjamas 😮

When I got engaged my grandma gave ME an engagement present, she handed me an ironing board and said, this is for you to do Mr Fizzyfoods ironing now your going to get married!

My nana was a little Irish old lady. As innocent looking as they come. Nobody would ever believe us when we said she swore like a trooper. Especially towards my granddad. She absolutely adored him but acted like she hated him and it was hilarious.

Every Sunday, she'd cook us a roast dinner, and every Sunday he'd be late home from the pub just to wind her up (there was no malice, it was just fun between them). When he'd come in tipsy, she'd say, "You baldy headed, pixie eared bastard, sit down at that table and eat your food". Again, he'd purposely wind her up, he'd force a belch out or something, and it'd set her off. "You dirty, fat bastard, I fucking hate him, he's disgusting". "See this pan, do that again and I'll belt you over that baldy head with it".

It sounds really crude written down but in reality, it was hilarious. Nine times out of ten, she was a well-spoken, sweet old lady. But there was something about my cheeky granddad that'd trigger her to become such a potty mouth. My granddad got such a kick out of it, he'd have tears rolling down his face from laughing, all the while she's telling him she'll crucify him in his sleep if he dares breathe in the same room as her again

My nana also loved playing Cards Against Humanity.

"A ginger's freckled ballsack" was her favourite card.

The one and only Mick McManus!!!!!!!!!! Love watching him!!!!!!

MyGran told me sitting on the step would give me Piles.

jumping on a trampoline during my period would send all the blood to my head and make me faint

and she was still trying to grab my hand to make sure I crossed the road safely well into my 20s when I was pushing my pram.

My granny, who died when I was pretty young, frequently used the expression 'I should cocoa'. It meant either 'no you're not doing whatever it is you've just said you want to do' or simply, disbelief. For ages I thought it was unique to her, but it may have been a generational thing.

My Gran hated me wearing Western clothing always wanted me to wear the clothes of her country.

This one wasn't my nana, but it made me laugh out loud. A few months ago, I was in Blackpool and there was a wall you had to either climb over to get onto the beach front or walk a while to get to the entrance.

I was sitting on the wall with DS whilst he was eating his lunch, and these two old ladies came up to the wall.

The first one was trying to get over the wall and she had to sit down and swing her legs over. She looked at me and said, "There was a day when I could swing my legs over anything 😉".

Her pal said, ignore her she’s filthy and always has been, she was a loose Lucy in her day 😂😂

Absolutely made my day.

@BestIsWest

your Gran wasn’t wrong about plastic 🧐

My gran did exactly the same thing to my jeans, that bloody crease never did come out. I begged her to not iron my clothes, but there was no stopping her, she would even iron socks.

"Decent women sleep on their front, never their back".

@girlfriend44
Not my granny but I work in a hospital and bringing a patient to xrsy and a woman was in front of us wearing this skirt, the patient shouted everywhere what the fuck is she wearing looks like the old curtains of my granny window, patient was about 70, the skirt was awful BTW lol.

My late MIL always referred to th'owd man, one of her neighbours who was a few years younger than her. However, in my 70s I do find myself thinking of someone as 'old' when in fact they're probably the same age as me, I just refuse to admit it!

My grandmother refuses to wear beige or mauve, because they're "old lady colours".

She's 101 😆

My daughter told her Grandmother that her male friend from work was coming for Christmas Day as he had no family locally, it was OK him sleeping on the floor of her room because he was gay. After he'd gone, he'd been very quiet and polite, Grandmother said to my daughter Thought he was gay? Seemed very miserable to be, not gay at all.

She sounds just like my late MIL, I once put a new fuse into a plug for her and when we saw her next she said she hadn't used the iron until Man next door had checked it, she could always make man sound like it has a capital letter,

Gram used to yell at my aunts kids if they wore outfits that didnt match or she didnt like. Used to yell at me too (I was 25!) so we would change out in the garage.
I also brought a friend home for the holidays once and gram (bless her filter less mouth) Said WHOLY S*IT you have huge boobs! My friend smiled says "so do you, where do you get your bras!"

Chinese saucepan lol.

When I was around 12 and visiting my gran in her nursing home she pointed at a male care assistant and said in a voice loud enough that even the deafest resident in the lounge could hear: "You see 'im over there? If I weren't in a wheelchair I'd fuck him, I would!"

Oh "The MAN" checking stuff reminds me of one years ago.

My then bf (30 odd years ago) had a flat on his tyre and hadnt a clue what to do. I changed the wheel, we drove the 15 miles back. His father insisted on taking off the wheel and redoing it as I couldnt possibly have done it properly. The next day his mum (it was her car) went shopping and the wheel came off before she made it out of the village and wrote the car off, how the hell she didnt end up in hospital is beyond me to this day. Needless to say his dad got the row of his life and she made of point of saying to me that I needed to teach her husband how to change a wheel! The BF was a complete arse (apple didnt fall far from the tree) so we split up soon after, which was just as well as the father refused to even acknowledge my presence after that, much less speak to me!

flat on his tyre?!

Flat tyre on his car!

My one granny used to babysit us and stay overnight as parents were back late etc plus she was a widow so company for her etc. She used to use the phone lol to phone her mates up. Also we had a sideboard and the door had a click when it opened. We used to hear the sideboard door click lol and we knew she was going in there to see if she could find anything like fags and drink lol.
Think we used to tell our mum that we heard the sideboard go lol. Maybe she thought it her payment for babysitting lol.

My mum once found her in the bathroom checking for dirt she walked in when she was inspecting for dirt. My mum was easy going and never made a fuss really. Can you imagine mum's today putting up with that lol. Aibu my mil checks the bathroom for dirt.
She died 1977. I can still remember it. She was doing voluntary work on the hospital ward and collapsed and died from a heart attack. We had a call asking dad to go to the hospital. They told him she'd died and he came home and told us. I can remember the call. I was about nine or ten.

The weekend before she had rung and asked if my older sister wanted to go and stay with her. She sometimes went to stay with her. Anyway sister was going out with her boyfriend or something and couldn't make it. Sad. The following week she died.

Bet they wouldn't recognise the world today.

My gran huffed about ‘modern wives’ when she found out I didn’t do all the cooking. We were pre-kids and both working full time so I’m not sure why it was my job to do the cooking.
She also used to ask for ‘a wee cuppa chino’ when she wanted a cappuccino