Grannys Funny Comments

[girlfriend44]

My granny (deceased now) used to hate women dressing in black and women who wore trousers?

What funny/strange comments did your granny used to make or still make?

Both my Grans had a saying for pretentious women...one was ' fur coat and no knickers ' the other ' a Rolls in the driveway, nothing in the fridge ' ..

We were born in a poor deprived mining area, but one of my grannies married rather well - and milked it. She had ideas well above her station.

She had a housekeeper, afternoon naps every day because she “was in poor health”, sent my distressed Dad, against his wishes away to a distant boarding school at a young age…

Even as young children we quietly nicknamed her “Dame Angela” and held her with a fair amount of disdain.

Later found out that despite living a few doors away she refused to babysit for my Mum when she was going to the hospital at nearly 40 weeks carrying my baby brother, meaning my Mum had to walk 4 miles, pushing a pram, then get 2 buses, and the same in reverse - whilst still expecting my Dad to visit her every day…

And despite her “ill health” she lived happily to 99.5 (with no health conditions and on no medication) but claiming at the time that she was pregnant, blaming it on her male carer….😂

Done up like a Christmas tree
(When having lots of jewerally on

At my grandads funeral when seated in the church, there was a silent moment to which my nan suddenly decided to shout out to my sister... "Katie! Bread doesn't go with bread!"

It turned out that my little nephew had told her earlier that day that my sisters girlfriend was his step-mum.

My sister then had people going up to her at the wake saying how funny they thought it was, and how they had to try and hold themselves together.

There was loads of things she used to say and I could be here all day but some others I remember:-

• "You can tell a lot from a man by how clean his shoes and teeth are".
• "Men will promise you the moon and the stars just to get what they want"... I didn't understand when she used to say this when I was about 9, I used to wonder what it was they wanted, a cup of tea?
• When talking about the law, the news or anything legal, my nan always thought she knew everything. If anyone disagreed with her then she would say in a serious tone "Where's that telephone? I'll ring my solicitor!"... like she just had her very own solicitor waiting on the other end of the phone at any time of day 🤣

She died at aged 91 just 11 months ago, oh how I do miss her 😢

My granny was like this... even at 91 in the care home. I think that's probably natural. I'm almost 40 now and reak

Not a funny comment, but a wise one:

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. 😉🤔

She also won the local county over 75 shotput championship (by dint of being the only competitor in that age category) and she wore the medal everywhere for about 2 weeks, including to church so she could show the priest

^

😂😂😂

I get it ❤️

It’s always him I think about when I’m off down memory lane as girl and I’m thinking of the wrestling part of our lives.

@Whirlygiggles sounds like we had the same Grandma 😆 Socks and Knickers were not free from her iron 🤣

My gran was awesome. She said many many wonderful things, but my two favourites were that she wouldn't let any females in the family wash our hair if we had our periods (still don't know why) and she just could not get her head around flavoured condoms.

'I mean, you don't have taste buds down there, do you?'

Sadly she passed away 27 years ago but I still miss her daily.

@JellyBellyNelly you are right. It was if the wind changed it would stay like that! 😂

@alltoomuchrightnow , I've reported your post. I know it was your granny's saying but it's not something that bears repeating.

Rolls in the driveway nothing in the fridge lol not heard that one. Lol.

You shouldn't wear a swimming costume past 45.

The best, uttered very loudly in a quiet restaurant " Three in a bed sex, no thank you!"

I'm loving these. I remember my Nana letting us drink lemonade and watch byker grove in her house. My mum thought she was a terrible influence. When I met DH's great auntie she asked me how I'd got there. When I said on the train she looked horrified and said "nice girls don't go on trains dear". My mil has very strong views about men's jobs and women's jobs. If she sees me or DH doing the "wrong" job she panics and starts shouting for someone of the appropriate sex to take over immediately. As it happens, DH and I naturally gravitate to the jobs she approves of anyway but when she comes round we swap just to wind her up . My Grandad calls me a "computer whizz" because I can send an email and find songs on youtube. My teenager heard him once and couldn't stop laughing because I am well known in our family for being hopeless with anything technical. Not a grandparent but there used to be an elderly man at church who used to tell me about people I'd never heard of who'd died "tragically young", usually in their 90's!

On sex before marriage "A man can just put on his hat and walk away". Very true!

My Nan used to say 'all fur coat & no drawers' as well. Also 'long pockets & short arms' if she thought someone was tight-fisted.

Black and blue makes you look like a bruise 🤣

You can get to the bottom of thief, but never a liar. A comment on who you can trust even if they’re not perfect. Always found this to be true

Oh so so many come to mind from my dear Gran who died last year.

Her advice on the differences between men and women: 'men do big stitches, they have large pockets and they slam doors.'

On opening a Christmas present that was a tea towel with my baby cousins handprints printed on it: 'Not another bloody tea towel.'

On my sister getting a tattoo: 'Eee no man will want you now.'

On the day she fell out with her friend her diary entry had but one line: 'I HATE Molly'

On said argument with her friend: 'she called me a dumpling. I should have called her a long skinny sausage.'

When I was feeling unwell and didn't want anything to eat: 'eee I've never felt so unwell that I can't eat.' And on this note she was famed for her love of food- the night she passed away she woke up in the early hours and asked the nurse for some ice cream. Are the whole tub and then happily died.

Sounds like Catherine Tate as gran

Bless her, 🙌

My grandma, in her old folks home, “it’s too boring here, full of old people”

Arsenic was used to make dark green wallpaper, amongst many other home uses in Victorian times. Perhaps this is where avoiding green sweets comes from. Doesn't explain why she was happy giving them to grandchildren though.