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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Grannys Funny Comments

288 replies

girlfriend44 · 13/07/2022 14:23

My granny (deceased now) used to hate women dressing in black and women who wore trousers?

What funny/strange comments did your granny used to make or still make?

OP posts:
Maraa · 13/07/2022 20:14

BestIsWest · 13/07/2022 16:48

My mum who is 84 now, rang up our MP the other day to say her bins hadn’t been collected. To be fair, they got it sorted for her too.

My nana used to write many a letter to the queen about trivial issues in the local neighbourhood and once about a gay kiss on tv. I don’t believe she ever got a reply 😂

weegiemum · 13/07/2022 20:15

I can't tell you what my Gran used to say about almost anyone foreign. I'd get deleted. She meant almost all of it in a merely descriptive sense, apart from Italians. I think that came from WW2. She was nothing but nice when I introduced dh to her, and his dad is German! Dh is from Belfast, that never bothered her.

Dh's Grandma, on the other hand, had only one dislike, and it was the folk on the other side in the whole NI problem. When his cousin married someone not to her liking, it was whispered about it being a quiet "mixed marriage". Was rather taken aback by the full day knees up she was invited to!

Helendee · 13/07/2022 20:19

@coconuthead

I fear it probably was her and I apologise profusely on her behalf!! 🙂

Goldengoosey · 13/07/2022 20:20

The woman next door to her had Bell’s palsy. She said she had made a face one day and the wind had blown and it stayed that way. That actually did make a bit wary of screwing my face up when I was wee, just in case. Plus that my arms and legs were tied on and if I poked my belly button the knot would loosen and they would fall off 😱Apart from these bizarre stories that were quite scary for a small child she was the best 😊

coconuthead · 13/07/2022 20:20

Helendee · 13/07/2022 20:19

@coconuthead

I fear it probably was her and I apologise profusely on her behalf!! 🙂

Hahaha! No it's brilliant, he's not alive any more but it was all part of his character! Love this thread

frustratedashell · 13/07/2022 20:21

My late gran used to get her words a bit wrong, with hilarious consequences.
A Chinese saucepan was a wog, my step dad's car was a BMX .
She also complained that when she had to go into a nursing home that it was full of old people. She was 80 years young!
Also She was queuing for the bus in London and the conductor said no more after the old lady. She turned round looking to see who the old lady was! A kind lady said to her I think he means you dear.

She was lovely, would give anyone her last penny.
She had a meter that you had to put 50ps in. She called them cronks, God knows why!
She would often say anyone got some cronks for the meter.
Happy days

JellyBellyNelly · 13/07/2022 20:24

Goldengoosey · 13/07/2022 20:20

The woman next door to her had Bell’s palsy. She said she had made a face one day and the wind had blown and it stayed that way. That actually did make a bit wary of screwing my face up when I was wee, just in case. Plus that my arms and legs were tied on and if I poked my belly button the knot would loosen and they would fall off 😱Apart from these bizarre stories that were quite scary for a small child she was the best 😊

My granny used to tell us ‘if the wind changes you’ll end up looking like that forever’ 😂

FlibbertyGibbitt · 13/07/2022 20:24

You should never cross your legs, you should only cross your ankles …. God knows why !

JellyBellyNelly · 13/07/2022 20:29

FlibbertyGibbitt · 13/07/2022 20:24

You should never cross your legs, you should only cross your ankles …. God knows why !

I think it was something to do with how much of a leg and stocking top could be seen if you crossed your legs. it wasn’t ladylike.

EducatingArti · 13/07/2022 20:33

My granny was very particular about washing the milk bottles out properly before putting them out for the milkman to collect. She would tell me that spiders chose which homes to go and live in by looking to see which ones had dirty milk bottles on the doorstep.

iklboo · 13/07/2022 20:38

@coconuthead - I'm sooooo curious who your grandad was! 😄

coconuthead · 13/07/2022 20:39

iklboo · 13/07/2022 20:38

@coconuthead - I'm sooooo curious who your grandad was! 😄

Outing but his initials were MM

Greengagesnfennel · 13/07/2022 20:44

Aposterhasnoname · 13/07/2022 14:38

How long you got? She hated anything techy at all, and insisted that she’d caught a virus from the microwave. She’d have had a field day with covid and the 5g conspiracy nonsense.

Heres Grans description of how computers work.

“First they go out and dig up some silicon from a mine, then put it in a machine, and suddenly the machine knows how many miles it is to the moon. If that’s not aliens I don’t know what is”

Gran on tvs

”what will you do when you’ve watched all the programmes they’ve put on there, it’ll cost a fortune to get someone out to put more on”

Gran on the moon landings

”there’s no way they got up there just by lighting a fire under the rocket, and how come it’s so cold on top of mountains if stuff burn up in the atmosphere”

Gran on air travel

”I don’t believe for a minute there’s enough parachutes for everyone on a plane so you won’t catch me on one.”

I don’t half miss her!

🤣🤣🤣

ThackeryBinks · 13/07/2022 20:46

My great Nanna would spit on her shoe and draw a cross if she saw a white horse. Apparently she was fending off the apocalypse. Just lately I'm wondering if she had a point!

JellyBellyNelly · 13/07/2022 20:47

coconuthead · 13/07/2022 20:39

Outing but his initials were MM

Really? If it’s who I think it is I knew him as a wee girl when he would wrestle my dad in various places.

iklboo · 13/07/2022 20:50

@coconuthead - then I'm pretty sure my nana will have battered him with her handbag at some point. There was a wrestler with those initials that brought out the red mist for her!

CanaryShoulderedThorn · 13/07/2022 20:52

Oh God, here's a few:

Insisted that she met Warwick Davies in her local social club and he'd bought her a drink. It wasn't, it was just some random small guy who didn't have the heart to tell her he wasn't Warwick Davies.

Has a Saint for every day and for every situation.

Complained that my DS who is gay, isn't "gay enough" and had a little chat with him, telling him that he should let himself go a bit and be more like Sean off corrie or Owain the weatherman.

coconuthead · 13/07/2022 20:53

iklboo · 13/07/2022 20:50

@coconuthead - then I'm pretty sure my nana will have battered him with her handbag at some point. There was a wrestler with those initials that brought out the red mist for her!

Love it!

nancy75 · 13/07/2022 20:53

@frustratedashell my Nan used to go to bingo & in coach trips with the ‘old girls’ said in a pitying voice at their oldness - she was the oldest one there!

BarnacleNora · 13/07/2022 20:57

Exdh's Nan used to tell him when he was small and fiddling with his Willy (like all small boys do) that if he carried on the bird that lived in the cupboard in the living room would fly out and peck it off 😳

She also used to say that well known marketing phrase, you know the one 'L'Oréal, cause you're entitled to it'. I don't miss much from my divorce but I do miss her!

My dads mum was hilarious. Had a very, down to earth, uniquely Irish turn of phrase. On encountering Cliveden for the first time on a special day out she took it all in then remarked it was a 'fine pile of bricks'

When she had to go into a care home we realised she also had a very....refreshing approach to DIY logic. The curtains were nailed onto the wall for one thing. On reflection we realised that her dementia may well have started a few years before any of us had twigged, she was already in the habit of acting in strange and delightful ways so we just didn't notice when her usual self started tipping over into dementia habits.

She used to drive round town in a motorbike and sidecar. The sidecar was for her handbag 😂

No baby she encountered was safe from her approach and a firm squeeze of the foot and little leg jiggle. Many a startled new parent would suddenly find this tiny, 4ft something Irish lady grabbing their infants foot and giving it a good squeeze accompanied by a robust yell of 'the little dote how are ya?' Memorably on one occasion the new parents happened to be Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullen. They were very nice about it to be fair.
I was very very relieved that my second baby was born in time that he got the ceremonial foot squeeze in her care home. She had no idea who any of us were, who this baby was to her or any of that, but the old instincts were strong and he received her foot blessing before she died a couple of months later at 98 ❤️

Harridan1981 · 13/07/2022 21:04

The Granny I am thinking of was fabulous.

Drove everywhere in a sporty little car, on getting pulled over one day and asked why she was speeding "well, I'm in a hurry young man" In the most puzzled tone.

No touching up of make up in public, certainly no hairbrushing.

No eating in public

She was a right one, wasn't allowed to drive as a young woman as it wasn't done, when husband went off to war she promptly learned so she could drive trucks in the wrens. He died when she was still comparatively young, and despite never having worked she trained up and went to work as a volunteer for the CAB for decades and was a true advocate for those who needed legal advice, or help with benefits etc. People expected different from her as she was quite upper crust and could appear quite brittle, but she was fierce.

Jeans were not for wearing in public

BiscuitLover3678 · 13/07/2022 21:07

SpaceJamtart · 13/07/2022 15:04

Noticed that I had forgotten to take the label off of the sole of my new shoes
"gosh quick you can't go out like that, they will think you are a woman of the night"
I was 9 and baffled

😂

shinynewapple22 · 13/07/2022 21:13

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 13/07/2022 14:54

One excruciating day in about 1985 was watching telly with my Grandmother (1895-1989 may she rest in well deserved peace) and we witnessed a Lesbian Kiss.

Awful awkward silence.

Then she said "Lady, I've always wondered, I know what Men do if they go to bed together, but what do two women do in bed together? Or do they just go to sleep?".

Fellow vipers, I just couldn't do it. I guessed this meant she'd never had an orgasm; maybe 90 wasn't too old to learn but I wasn't going to be the one explaining it to her. I bottled it and said "I've always wondered myself". And it was never spoken of again.

I don't understand how you came to that conclusion ? I mean , she had obviously had sex with a man on at least one occasion!!

EnjoythemoneyJane · 13/07/2022 21:36

BestIsWest · 13/07/2022 14:55

My gran and my great aunt would have nothing to do with any shade of purple, lilac, mauve, lavender - a mourning colour. Deplored the use of the word ‘kid’ for child.

Were convinced plastic was poisonous- we weren’t allowed to put anything plastic near our mouths and had to wash our hands if we handled it (this was the 70s).

My grandma somehow became convinced my dad was only marrying my mum because she was pregnant (she wasn’t!) and was raging at having her baby boy ‘taken away’ from her. She wore purple and black, which was definitely understood by everyone at the wedding to be mourning dress, and cried hysterically throughout the service.

My parents were happily married for over 60 years and by the time I came along she’d transformed into a doting, giggly, lovely grandma, but I imagine if MN had been around back then, my mum would have been a frequent contributor to the MIL threads!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/07/2022 21:39

shinynewapple22 · 13/07/2022 21:13

I don't understand how you came to that conclusion ? I mean , she had obviously had sex with a man on at least one occasion!!

You do know that not all women orgasm every time they have sex with a man, don’t you, shinynewapple22? Confused And someone who can’t understand what two women might do in bed together is clearly not aware that fingers and tongues can bring pleasure!