Grannys Funny Comments

[girlfriend44]

My granny (deceased now) used to hate women dressing in black and women who wore trousers?

What funny/strange comments did your granny used to make or still make?

My nan used to tell me a side parting looked really severe! I thought the complete opposite !

Maybe I'm being daft, but I'm not sure that's what she meant...

My lovely Granma at the Christmas Dinner table, lull in conversation as everyone was eating, she said randomly "In my day we didn't have Sperm Banks". We were not previously talking about sperm, sex, relationships, babies or banking of any kind. We fell about laughing.

She had a fall in the garden and said a snail had "dashed" out in front of her to trip her up.

In her later years with dementia, she got words mixed up, she needed the commode and said quick get the condom. Would call her magnifying glass the computer.

She was unintentionally very funny, bless her, I do miss her.

My Gran (born in the Victorian era) used to say, ‘A whistling woman and a crowing hen, brings the devil out of his den.’

Whistling was man’s work, apparently 😀

Never give new jewellery to an old neck.

Mine told me that during the war she and her sisters had to send their knickers off to be recycled into £5 notes.

When I was a teen she used to drop me off at parties sometimes and she’d always remind me not to get “blotto” (drunk)

She also won the local county over 75 shotput championship (by dint of being the only competitor in that age category) and she wore the medal everywhere for about 2 weeks, including to church so she could show the priest

My mum said that my cousin that had a child out of wedlock (shock horror)

...... she was flighty!

My Nan thinks wearing trousers as a woman turns you gay.

Yet rocks around in her old lady trousers and jeans....

Oh and playing womens football, that's a one way ticket to homosexuality

Mine would never in a month of Sundays mention or even allude to anything remotely sexual except once. One single occasion in our entire 20+ year relationship. She told me, with no introduction of any kind and no context at all, just straight up said as a one liner, that if I ever let a boy touch my breasts, I wouldn't be able to say no to anything else and I would have to have sex with him. It still isn't clear to me, to this day, whether she meant that I would be inflamed with lust and lose my senses (what I orginally thought she meant), or whether she was implying that there was some sort of unspoken contract once you let your breasts be touched and, having agreed, you couldn't possibly withold consent for anything else.

There are a couple of other things which are much funnier, but I've told them to lots of people over the years so they'd be quite outing. They're much more specific than not liking trousers on women, for instance.

@suprima my Nanna thought the sun shines out of my husband's backside, because he cooks and does dishes. She could not get her head around it at all as my Grandad was such a Victorian, she did everything in the house. 'Isn't he marvellous?' etc 😂

Don't have sex when you're pregnant, in case you get pregnant again.

One which is less outing is that she threw an absolute fit when my poor brother got a grade 2 haircut all over by accident/emabrrassment (it was his first time alone at the barber and he got confused/randomly agreed to whatever the barber suggested rather than admitting he didn't know what it was). He was accused of bringing the family into disrepute, had cooking oil scrubbed into his head so that the hair would magically be longer by the next morning, she went off on a massive rant about all the generations of the family who had attended his school and now it was all ruined.

@MyView2 Brown suits would be worn by men who were into dressing trendy and after the women. Your gran probably thought they would be unfaithful.

@Helendee I laughed out loud at this! Your gran sounds brilliant.

My gran didn't approve of women whistling ...

Love this keep them coming.

How about you go round for Christmas Dinner and the table is full of food again for tea lol.
Didn't like us having the TV on we used to play pen and paper games and the tray game in the evening after we'd had our Xmas tree presents. Ash memories.

@Aposterhasnoname your granny would have been excellent on gogglebox!

'Your dads cousins eat all kinds of exotic food like pitza' (pizza)

'I wish you would get a teaching job' (I was a civil servant)

Snail lol.

Never chase after a boy or a bus because there’ll always be another one along in 15 minutes.

My dad didn't even have any cousins.

Those who chewed gum would burn in hell

My poor grandmother was told that as she'd lost her right fallopian tube during a difficult labour it wasn't now possible for her to have a girl. So she never tried for a second child (and would have loved another).

She also believed that my previous husband's mum couldn't possibly be a Catholic as she was Sri Lankan.

DH's Gran thought that if you see a black man, it's very lucky to touch him - so I suspect poor black people all over Northumberland regularly were accosted by ignorant grannies.

My Granny called going to the toilet 'going to see the vicar' no idea why!

My Nan lived in warden housing and all the oldies got invited to the village hall to meet the Beavers for some little show.

She was really excited about it.

Saw her a few days later and asked if it was fun. "No" she said, "it was boring. Was just a load of small children, there wasn't any beavers, there wasn't any animals at all"

On getting my ears pierced when I was young: “if you needed a hole in your earlobes you’d have been born with a hole in your earlobes”