Baby after 38 when you already have a teen - Yes or no?

[SnBLurker]

Hi,

Just that. I'm deliberately keeping it simple.

YABU (no) = Too late under the circumstances

YANBU (yes) = Go for it

If you’re letting internet randoms influence whether or not you have a baby, you don’t want one enough.

Not physically possible for me but I’d do anything for another 😔 Anything at all.

Not for me no.

My 40 year old friend has just had a baby - she has a 14 year old daughter. Same man btw. I think she’s crazy, but each to their own…

I was the older child (well, not child - 20+ year age gap) and they were not subtle that it was a do-over which was more emotionally isolating then I had expected it to be. Essentially two sets of only children ensued, raised in vastly different circumstances, with very little in common. Is that something you’re prepared for?

It's totally up to yourself. I know people who had their first baby very young and then massive gaps due to starting a career or maybe meeting someone else later on. No right or wrong. There is a 21 year age gap between my mum and her youngest sister and they have a great relationship whereas she doesn't get along with her sister two years younger than her

I’m counting down the days to my dc leaving school. They are nearly 14 and nearly 11. You have a teen OP, yiu know what it’s like. I couldn’t think of anything worse than having a baby now, but I also know someone who deliberately had her third child when her elder 2 were 13 and 15. Not that age planned it to be like that, but she wanted a last try to see if she could when she was 40! She was successful! The youngest started school 2 months after the eldest finished her A levels. She also has a grandchild 4 years younger than her youngest child.

if you’re up for it, do it, just be mindful that your body is not as young as it once was!

If you had your first at 14 and now thinking of 2nd at 38, isn't your first 24 years old and not a teen?

I know three women who have done this, and my husband.
First woman one has her first at 28, then about ten miscarriages until having her next at 41.
Second had her first at about 25. Then had an epileptic fit and was on a long journey for diagnosis etc, but eventually had another 15 years later. All fine and her older girl was a big help with the baby.
Last woman had her first early 20s and I have no idea why waited almost 15 years to have second.
All above same husband. All happy with their decision and felt both kids got their sole attention as they were growing up, and they were old enough and starting to pull away when the next one came along so no jealousy.
My husband had two kids 13 and 15 when we had ours. He was mid 40s when we had them.

It’s not really a decision some one can make for your but there are swings and roundabout.
It’s hard ‘going back’. I felt like I was coming out of a period of life where things were getting a little easier. Going back to nappies and sleepless nights was really hard compared to my eldest. It’s difficult to plan days out all together and keep both happy. Benefits are eldest is amazing with little, baby sitting on tap as DD always wants the money.

There are pro’s and Cons to any age though. If you want another baby then go for it.

I think there are advantages for your daughter in older life of not being an only child. But it depends a bit what she is like/how settled she is.. Maybe it shouldn't matter but it is it the same Dad? I think there is less likelihood of her feeling replaced if you are all a unit then a new baby/stepdad situation.

It's fine for a kid to have a 38yo mum (obviously!) and it's fine to have a big age gap---they are not the end of the world, though they have upsides and downsides.

In terms of whether it's good for YOU, that depends entirely on what you want! I've seen women do this and be very happy; other women wouldn't like to go back to the baby stage, and would feel that they had spent too much of their overall lifespan doing the "mum" thing.

Your hypothetical child will be fine--it's up to you and what you want.

Why do people keep bumping these old threads the last few days?

It’s a really personal decision but I wouldn’t do it. I can’t imagine it being in the best interest of the teen and I’d always put an existing child before a potential one.

Seriously? I had my third child when I was 42, not a big deal.....🙄

I did at 40 and actually 12 year gap It is exhausting going back to the start, just when you can go out, go to work, back to the school run. Family holidays trying to fit everyone etc.

I love my kids and its just where we are. But definitely exhausting.

No. I’m 38 and DS is 15 and I absolutely get the appeal of doing it again, but better. But the thing is for DS I feel that’s rubbing salt into the wound, I wasn’t the best I could be for him but he gets to watch me do better next time round? - and just when he’s reaching the end of his own childhood and should be getting every last bit of my attention before he’s gone. I couldn’t do that to him.

This was me. I was late 30s with a teen DS. On 2nd marriage and thought long and hard about another baby. Decided not too as couldn't face doing it all again and wanted to enjoy freedom.

Don't regret it at all. Especially as I've had some peri menopausal issues recently (now early 40s) which has caused energy to plummet and I've had to have quite an invasive op.

A baby would have broken me I think.

I’ve got a mix of teens toddlers and junior schools I’m having my final baby at age 34 my cut off was 35 BUT if I only had a teen I wouldn’t do it again at 38 the way I see it mine have naturally became soo much easier in school age 4/5 and I’ve got a vision in my mind that I’d really be ok getting to my 40’s when all my others are atleast at full time school but that is only my personal preference I think if you’ve done a lot of travelling had a lot of freedom/time only having one dc and life just feels ready to “do it again” and if that’s what you really want I say go ahead!!! Especially if you feel you really really want it good luck x

So I had DS at 26 and DTwins at 37. DS now 15 and DTwins now 3.

Certainly, if DTwins had been a singleton, it would absolutely be like having two only children. A teen doing their GCSEs has got little tolerance for potty training and toddler tantrums. A day out with activities that everyone wants to do, is hard to find.

I am thrilled with DTwins and so glad I have them. But I hate the age gap. I'll be full time parenting for 30yrs. And that is a pretty shit thing. When my peers are regaining their freedom in 3 years or so, I'll be redoing the beginning of primary school. I'll be 55 when they reach 18. Which wouldn't matter if I'd had the extra decade before them "free" but I didn't, I had DS.

I wouldn't change DTwins for the world. But I can not advise strongly enough against this sort of age gap.

A no from me, I’d feel totally exhausted 🥱

I had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and 1 at 43.. For and against whatever age you are and that of your existing dc ime.

Hats off to you. No way would I spend most of my life parenting small children. I was done at 23!

I was the y.pungent with a 9 and 10 year age gap with my siblings. They were fifteen months apart. Don’t!

I had DC2 at 38 and DC3 at 42. DC1 was 19 when DC2 was born. It's worked out well, though it's complex as DC1 has SN and is unable to go to uni or work (likely to live at home forever). Different DH for DC2&3. No issues with health or tiredness. We're all happy.

Seriously? Why resurrect a thread for last year?