Baby after 38 when you already have a teen - Yes or no?

[SnBLurker]

Hi,

Just that. I'm deliberately keeping it simple.

YABU (no) = Too late under the circumstances

YANBU (yes) = Go for it

Mum had my brother at 39, I was mid teens. No other siblings.

It was great. I enjoyed watching my brother grow and develop, supported my parents where I could (baby sitting etc). I loved it.

I'm now due my second and I'm almost 40!!

I was 38 when I had my first so the age doesn’t phase me. I just wouldn’t be interested in having that kind of age gap. Teens are emotionally needy in their own way, I wouldn’t want to be distracted and tired from parenting a baby and not be there for my older kids when they needed me.

Having been the teen and not having read anything else I would say no.

You want a simple answer but it's not that easy!

I had a baby at 38 and have multiple friends that had babies post 40. But none of us had big age gaps.

In your circumstances I think I'd try for a baby, assuming finances allow and your teen isn't dead set against it. My teens would LOVE a baby sibling!

I had a baby at 42 when my older kids were 15 and 17. She's the apple of all of our eyes!

I have a friend who had 3 dc in her early 20s and a further one in her 40s.

It wasn't easy for anyone involved, but now she has a gc almost the age of her last dc, and I think that has made her closer to the mother of her gc.

I was a young mum and then had DC when my youngest was nearly 10 and almost 12. That worked out really well, I’m 50/50 if I would have wanted one when my youngest was a teen and I was 38. I had my last DC when I was 31 so a sort of average age to have DC 20 odd years ago.

I have a 20, 18, 14 and 6 year old and I'm 40.
I'm definitely done with having babies I'm looking forward to having my freedom back in a few years

I'm 50. I have a 15yo and a 4yo. It's grand, except when they gang up on me.

I would say no. I asked mumsnet this question about two years ago when my dc were 8,10 and 12 and it was a resounding no. At the time I was determined to have another baby but I read the advice and decided it wouldn't be suitable to have a new baby with soon to be teenagers. I definately made the right decision.

I've voted no, not because I think 38 is too old to have a baby (I had mine at 37 and 39) but because I think the age gap is too great.
Parenting babies and small children is very physical and time consuming and I think it could strain the relationship with your older DD. She might not need you to do things physically for her at this age, but she still needs your presence. I'd be a bit concerned that she might feel that she had been replaced to a degree, or that she might end up being "second mum". There's someone in my extended family where that definitely ended up being the case and she now has a very poor relationship with her Mum, though is close to the much younger sibling, so I guess that has coloured my view. Obviously that isn't the case for everyone but its something to consider.

My mother did- I am the baby. My sister was 16. We are now 41 and 57 and we get on great. Also super close to my sisters kids- my eldest niece is more like a sister.
no issue with any dynamics at all. My parents are nearly 80 but still young in the head. Go for it.

I have a teen and a toddler and it’s utterly exhausting (and I’m a few years younger than you).

It really depends, it's not a blanket no or yes.
My mum had my youngest sister when I was 13 and I loved it.

No

I'm 34 and just about to start TTC with a teen. Terrified and beyond excited all at once

Do you feel like it's partly a "do over" to correct mistakes (or perceived mistakes) that you made with your first? I can relate to that if so, and no offence intended if not!

Mine are close in age but I had PND with my first and strongly felt I needed to be better for the next baby, but still felt guilty my first didn't get that version of me. So I'm not sure another baby would help.

I’m 38 this week and met DH at 31 so I can’t answer for myself. My DMIL was born in 1954 and her sister’s were born in 1938 and 1941 and her mother was 39 when DMIL was born. DMIL had older parents but never felt like she had old parents. They in turn said she helped keep them young and was a surprise blessing. DMIL had a very good relationship with both her sisters.

My grandmother had four children in 1958, 1962, 1972 and 1977. Grandmother was 37 when she had her youngest and again loved being a mum a bit later but the two sets of children don’t get on. The eldest was married and had three children before the youngest became a teenager. To this day they have never found common ground.

Functionally the baby will be an only child until it's much older with a sibling age gap that big. By the time it can even form memories the brother/sister may not live there anymore.

Not a reason to have it or not have it, but worth noting.

Totally depends! I have 3 teens, 18,17and 14- no way would i go back to the baby stage!
However as a child, I was an only, as mum's health issues meant she couldn't have more. then , when I was 15, she got pregnant- we were all delighted, but sadly she didn't carry the baby to term. But I would have loved a sister, even with the age gap. i suppose it depends on the family dynamic. (My older teens would be delighted for me to have a baby- but no way!!)

Depends how much you want a baby. No one here can tell how much you do. But if you do want one, it will work out OK.

38 when my least was born and my eldest was an early teen. The youngest has fitted in beautifully with our family. Don’t see the issue really.

Yes yes why not. Have you spoken to your teen?

If your teen is an only child then I definitely would be leaning towards it, if you have other younger children I'd weigh up pros and cons more as the huge pro of having a sibling is negated a bit. Ultimately only you can decide based on your situation and family though.

It would be a hard no for me, doesn't mean it wouldn't be right for you though. I'd hate to go back to that stage, I wouldn't want to lose the freedom having older children brings.