Baby after 38 when you already have a teen - Yes or no?

[SnBLurker]

Hi,

Just that. I'm deliberately keeping it simple.

YABU (no) = Too late under the circumstances

YANBU (yes) = Go for it

Can't vote on the app but it'd be a no from me

Clearly a very personal choice, I wouldn't want a baby at 38 if I had a teen already but I'm not you, there's nothing wrong with it if that's what you want.

When I was 38 my son was 17 and I’d just got my life back. I’d sooner have drunk a bottle of bleach than had a baby.

I couldnt have done it. My DS is wonderful but the late teenage years were trying and adding a toddler into the mix wouldnt have been fair on either if them. It may have made things worse.

But my DS has always been very protective of me and used to get a little jealous. I think its because it was just the two of us.

Also my energy levels plummeted at 40.

How old is your teen? Late teen, they'll be off to uni soon anyway. Early teen, I wouldn't.

Having said that, you might not get pregnant anyway.

It wouldn't be for me. I have a 20 year old, 9 year old and 7 year old. I'm 37. I absolutely do not want to start all over again, it was hard enough at 28 with a 10 year gap. I love my children, but I do look forward to the days of spontaneous holidays, trips out that aren't centred around childrens needs, and childcare, oh the childcare. 20 years of battling childcare problems... that's enough to put me off starting again.
But it is your life, and I am not you. If you feel you want another child, 38 is definitely not too old. Some women are having their first child at 38.

Personally not a chance. I was done at 23. But each to their own

I definitely wouldn't do it, but I can see why someone else might... Someone who has more energy than I do, anyway 😆

If you want to, go for it.

It's obviously an individual choice, but for me, not a chance! I wouldn't want more now my kids are 6 and 8, never mind a teen!

Depends how you feel about it more than anyone else clearly but yes this can work out well, if you have the space money and time - go for it if you want to.

I had 2 more kids from 38 onwards but my other kids were young.

Even now with my youngest being 12, I wouldn't like to start all over.

But if you want to then go for it.

It’s a no from me. I’m 35 with kids aged 5, 14 and 15, 10 year gap difficult enough.

It absolutely depends on your personal situation. If you have a supportive partner, a settled teen, a stable financial situation and in good health the go for it, have a couple of you want. If you are single, struggling and simply have raging hormones then absolutely not.

You’ll get a mix of responses. But what do you want? It is how you feel about the prospect of starting again that matters, not all of us.

omg def a no from me. When I’m 38 my kids will be 12 and 9 so not even teens and I still couldn’t be arsed!

Not just a NO from me, but a HELL to the NO! Imagine having a teenager in your mid 50s? Fuck that. No. NOOOOO. Noooooooooope!

I know. It would have meant I had 35 solid years of parenting. Fuck that.

Nope I would never consider this! You mostly have your freedom back with a teen, I would not want to add a tantruming and clingy 3 year old to the mix so late in the game.

I personally wouldn't but lots of women do it. It's up to you.

I have an 18, 17, 5 and 3 year old. Was 22 when I had my first and just turned 38 when I had my last.

it’s great! I love all the age gaps between them, although it does sometimes feel like I have two sets of 2 children rather than 4.

I didn’t have DS until I was nearly 35 so your age isn’t even a consideration as far as I’m concerned. There were a surprising number of parents whose children started school at the same time as DS who had much older teenagers as well. One was a second marriage but most weren’t.

Thanks for all your replies.

To answer a few questions. I really don't know what I want. I want what I can't have. I wish I had another dc (or 2) 5 years ago, but circumstances meant we couldn't.

I was too young when I had my dc (14) and although I've tried my best and love them more than anything, I am so much more ready now and that makes me feel guilty. I'd feel guilty if I was a better mum this time round. Is that just stupid?

I think overall I'm leaning towards no, but there's a definite void there.

To give the ‘child’s’ perspective- I was 12 when my own mum (in her early 30s) started having kids again and I have a lovely relationship with my siblings.

I’m a sort of combo of sister/aunt/occasional spare parent now that they’re young adults and wouldn’t change it for the world, we’re really close. It absolutely was tiring for my mum though.

Agree with others that you should just do what you want. In and of itself 38 isn’t old to be having a baby these days and only you know if you have the energy and security to make it work for you.

It's a no from me. I'm 36 with a 15 year old and a 13 year old. I love being a mum but not a hope would I go back and repeat it all again.