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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect DP to be a bit more grateful?

165 replies

CampariKid · 11/07/2022 21:02

I have been with DP 4 years. In lockdown we moved in together. So there’s me and my two teens, my dog and his cat. My flat wasn’t big enough so we rented together and since I earn good money I paid most of the rent (85%). Last year we moved into a slightly bigger house and as lockdown had stymied his career I pay 100% of the rent, most of the food bills and all other bills, including the car, except gas and leccy which he pays. He’s retraining and has another year of college before he can set up his own biz. The 4 days a week he isn’t at college he does agency work which is hard work and badly paid but allows him to pay for cat food and wine and his course fees. So 6 weeks ago, ootb, our landlord announces he is selling up and gave us two months notice. So now, on top of a really intense full time job, getting an over anxious DD thru alevels, a dying father and a suspect heart problem which is necessitating lots of investigation we need to find a new place to rent at precisely the time rents have skyrocketed and you have to pounce like a rental ninja to be in with even a whisker of getting a viewing let alone a chance to offer. And here’s the issue, I’ve done all the hunting and agent stroking and viewings with DD - we’ve made video walkthroughs and plans and we’ve seen A LOT of places. It’s affecting my work, my sleep and my sanity (which I have expressed) but literally every time I find something I think is ok Mr Moany finds something wrong with it. Not big enough, garden facing wrong way, wrong kind of hob etc etc. We are being evicted in a months time and today I find a place that is pretty perfect - he’s at work so I take time off again to view, send him the video and as there is another offer and I can’t afford to lose it I make the offer. DD spends the afternoon making it in Sims so she can show him where all the furniture will go and for the first time in weeks I felt relief. And apparently that’s a very bad thing because…it will take him 15 mins longer to get to work. I know earning less is pants, and I do everything in my power not to emasculate him but AIBU to have expected a well done or a thank you for securing us a (very nice albeit small) flat that he can live in for nothing. I feel a bit taken advantage of tbh.

OP posts:
Runningdownthehill · 11/07/2022 21:25

What’s his solution then?

Mamette · 11/07/2022 21:25

Fine, he can get his own place 15 minutes closer to his work then.

Bye 👋

howshouldibehave · 11/07/2022 21:26

Why would you allow yourself to be treated this way?!

Wafflybollocks · 11/07/2022 21:27

You and DD sound awesome. DP sounds like an utter arse. Why on earth are you worrying about 'emasculating' him. He's happy to see you run in to the ground, paying for everything and he still demands more. What the f are you doing?

FarFarFarAndAway · 11/07/2022 21:28

Wrong type of hob? Garden facing wrong direction? This is all stuff that is absolutely irrelevant if you are facing nowhere to live and you need to get a rental in the current market (and you are right, it's a bloodbath out there right now). As everyone has said, what is this guy bringing to the table, some cat food?! Just pick the one you like and he'll either move in or not. I feel sorry for your dd, trying to please him by doing a SIMS simulation- make sure he is not making her feel bad along the way. This relationship doesn't sound good- what's your evaluation? Why are you paying for everything and he gets to complain about the hob? I bet he doesn't even use the hob that often...

DaftyLass · 11/07/2022 21:31

I kept reading, hoping there was going to be so massive drip feed that he needed wheelchair access or something.....
He's just being a dick.

MissBPotter · 11/07/2022 21:31

Are you serious? He’s moaning about a flat he lives in for FREE? You’ve turned down others for a person that won’t be paying rent or even FOOD?

Blobblobblob · 11/07/2022 21:31

He needs an extremely harsh reality check. Rude, ungrateful and utterly entitled. I don't know why you aren't telling him to fuck off!

Interesting that you say that he is planning on setting up a business after college. Most businesses don't make money immediately and many fail.

Sounds like he is planning to sponge off you for a long time yet.

I apologise if I sound harsh, you sound great and he sounds like a waste of space.

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 11/07/2022 21:31

Tell him to fuck off! Pick somewhere that you and your daughter like. It sounds like she's more of a support to you than he is, at least she's trying to help you. He's a spoilt brat. You're paying for nearly everything while he sponges off you and lets you do all the leg work and have all the stress. His money goes on his wine and course fees and you're super lucky because he pays the gas and electric bill? Sod that for a game of soldiers. Nope!

Sorry for the harshness but sometimes it needs saying. It's not fair that you're on your own with all this stress and everything else that's going on. He's supposed to be your partner, not your bratty teenage son. He's supposed to be there for you and support you. Your daughter sounds lovely and I bet if you do have a teenage son, he's far better than your partner!

AlisonDonut · 11/07/2022 21:32

Day yes, book the removals van and just move and let him sort himself out.

OnaBegonia · 11/07/2022 21:33

He must be a great ride to put up
with his whiney shit.
➡️🗑

Starseeking · 11/07/2022 21:34

Please think about what you are teaching your DD about romantic relationships...the current dynamic in your household is NOT healthy.

PritiPatelsMaker · 11/07/2022 21:34

I'm sure you can find a flat that's perfect for you, your two teen and the DDog.

I wouldn't even bother wondering where he goes.

britneyisfree · 11/07/2022 21:36

Gosh. Does he have a huge dick and an amazing tongue?? What are you doing!!

Justmuddlingalong · 11/07/2022 21:37

I notice he needs no retraining in being an A⭐ cocklodger.

420Bruh · 11/07/2022 21:37

You're a mug op, and you're robbing your own children to fund this user.

Limer · 11/07/2022 21:37

Why on earth does his opinion matter? He's a freeloader.

OooErr · 11/07/2022 21:39

Sorry why are you this f* idiot? What do you gain from this?
You sound lovely and supportive. You deserve better.

The cheek of him. Tell him YOU will be moving into the flat, solo

PritiPatelsMaker · 11/07/2022 21:39

Also, why hasn't he started his own business already? If it's going to be a success surely he'd would have wanted to get going straightaway.

MrsMcisaCt · 11/07/2022 21:39

Jaysus, tell him to find his own perfect flat, nearer to his work. Honestly LTB.

CampariKid · 11/07/2022 21:40

Thank you all. I really appreciate your thoughts . I posted this because I feel sad and a bit lost and I wanted a reality check really on whether this was ok. I do know it isn’t but I hadn’t taken on board the bad example I am setting for the DC . And I should have said he does all the cooking and gardening so he does help a lot. And I can’t kick him out because he has no savings left. Stuck, but feeling I do need to bite the bullet and get the difficult conversation started. Thanks again

OP posts:
Homewardbound2022 · 11/07/2022 21:41

You are an A-1 mug. Wake up.🙄

LizzieSiddal · 11/07/2022 21:41

Does he actually care about you?

He’s putting a huge amounts of stress onto you when you have a dying father and you’re own health problems! He’s behaving dreadfully.

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/07/2022 21:42

"I know earning less is pants, and I do everything in my power not to emasculate him"

This man's sense of entitlement is such that I don't think he could ever feel emasculated. Everything you do for him, he feels he has an absolute right to expect from you.

"In lockdown we moved in together."

Serious question. Do you think, if lockdown had never happened, that you would have moved in together?

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/07/2022 21:43

"And I can’t kick him out because he has no savings left."

Not. Your. Problem.

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