Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents cancelling babysitting

467 replies

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 09:48

So me and dh were invited to a wedding back in February... wedding is in October. I asked my parents months ago if they would have dd for the wedding. They said yes. It's the whole day and night. So we returned the rsvp saying we would be attending.

Now my parents are after being invited to the evening part. They now want to go. My dd makes very strange with people and my parents are the only ones who have ever minded her.

I think it's unfair they want to cancel now but also realise they aren't obliged to mind dd either so who is being unreasonable here

OP posts:
user1469770863 · 10/07/2022 11:53

this

coffeecupsandfairylights · 10/07/2022 11:54

BungleandGeorge · 10/07/2022 11:50

How far away is the wedding?
what was your original plan of how to collect your daughter? The obvious solution would be for your partner to look after your child at your parents house. I think you’re being a bit unreasonable expecting them not to go. And yes the PIL seem to be offering nothing and getting off without any animosity

But that's the point.

They didn't offer so they're not letting anyone down. OP agreed to attend the wedding because her parents were doing the childcare.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 10/07/2022 11:55

Wedding invite trumps babysitting

user1469770863 · 10/07/2022 11:55

parents bring baby to wedding at start of evening reception. swap car seat over. one or both of you take baby home.

Transformatio · 10/07/2022 11:56

YANBU - especially given your updates about the bride being your childhood friend and not having seen your parents for years. I think your parents are being mean.
If you really want to go to the evening do too then I think that the suggestion of your DH driving back to your parents house to look after DD there until you and your parents return after the evening do is the most obvious option. Not really the same though is it - if you were looking forward to a nice rare evening out with your DH.
Rough to have DH's parents being unsupportive and now this from your own parents 💐

londonmummy1966 · 10/07/2022 11:56

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 11:26

I have answered above. I said we would both need to leave after the meal. Dh or I hardly drink so we wouldn't need much in our budget for that. The wedding is out of town so we couldn't afford to go home separately. My parents are much closer to the wedding then me so I would still need to pay for my own cab home.

Show quote history

Could you all stay at your parents overnight? Then DH could go back to your parents house with DD and you could return after the evening do with your parents?

Fivefor · 10/07/2022 11:58

For fucks sake, I'd be seriously considering my (and DDs) relationship with them. No, they don't owe you childcare, but offering it and then revoking the offer so they can go to the same fucking event where they won't actually know anyone because they've made you and DH leave is absolutely beyond the pale.

Selfish fucking cunts, the pair of them. If they subsequently ask to babysit, I'd refuse.

Prinnny · 10/07/2022 11:58

People saying OP leave DH with the child, I think the point is they never have any child free couple time.

If I was the bride I’d be pissed off that my friend now had to leave early for her parents, who she’s probably only invited out of politeness, to come.

OhItsSpicyy · 10/07/2022 11:59

The options I see are:

  1. Hire a baby sitter for after your parents have put her to bed so she’d be none the wiser

2)Your DH leaves and heads to your parents, you leave with your parents (then you could either get a taxi home from your parents together or if that’s too expensive could you crash on the sofa and your parents take you home in the morning/get the bus)

  1. You go to the whole thing alone, DH stays at home with DD

  2. This depends on how close you are to the bride really but the bride sends a breezy message over saying she didn’t realise they were babysitting for you and doesn’t want them to feel awkward turning down the invite but she understands they can’t come. Aka a polite message insinuating she’d rather have you than them

Harridance · 10/07/2022 11:59

The fact they never have any child free couple time is of their own making

Harridance · 10/07/2022 12:00

Fivefor - chill

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/07/2022 12:00

Iwonder08 · 10/07/2022 11:29

They are your parents, you can tell them openly they are selfishly ruining your plans. Ask them why they are doing it esp given the bride is your friend? Surely they know you very rarely go out hence this very long notice. Now they are cancelling and why? Is this wedding so important for them?

This. They are acting abysmally.

Fivefor · 10/07/2022 12:02

Harridance · 10/07/2022 12:00

Fivefor - chill

Who the fuck do you think you are? It's an open forum and I will speak as I find.

OP needs to get angry.

Original poster
Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 12:02

So I think I have found an alternative... my friend has agreed to take dd for the whole day and take her and her children to park/picnic and make it a fun day for her so she might settle a bit better.. then she will try and get her settled at my house in the evening. If dd doesn't settle then we will just come home. She is going to take her nearer the time to the local park too see how she gets on. So we could possibly get the whole evening there but won't know till that night. We can't trial bedtime before then as she will be bringing her children to stay the night of the wedding.

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 10/07/2022 12:03

I do understand that you are disappointed and frustrated but there is no reason for you to miss out.

This is your friend so if there was absolutely no way of you coming home separately from your oh,then I think he should stay home all day with your daughter and you attend the whole thing on your own.

It sucks that you were looking forward to a rare day and night out with your partner but I suppose from your parents point of view,they have given you a lot of notice to try and find an alternative and if the invites had arrived at the same time, they would never have agreed to babysit.

ThinWomansBrain · 10/07/2022 12:04

Not appropriate to ask to use the bride & grooms room, but are there other people staying over whose room you could 'borrow' in the evening?
DH could look after DC there if your parents bring her with them, while you and parents enjoy the party.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 10/07/2022 12:04

Fivefor · 10/07/2022 11:58

For fucks sake, I'd be seriously considering my (and DDs) relationship with them. No, they don't owe you childcare, but offering it and then revoking the offer so they can go to the same fucking event where they won't actually know anyone because they've made you and DH leave is absolutely beyond the pale.

Selfish fucking cunts, the pair of them. If they subsequently ask to babysit, I'd refuse.

Blimey - the wedding going parents haven’t been drowning puppies or torturing small children to attract such vitriol

Harridance · 10/07/2022 12:05

Fivefor - calling the GPs fucking cunts is a bit ott, but I guess if that's how you feel

FlorDeMayoByTheMile · 10/07/2022 12:06

Well I mean yeah get angry by all means. And your parents might roll over on this occasion. But if it were me it would be a cold day in hell before I’d ever offer childcare agin…

Stillfunny · 10/07/2022 12:06

I am Irish and think this is terrible. Your parents must be hard up for craic that they want to go to this. At your and your DH expense. All very well people telling you that your DH should take the child home. The whole point of going was so that she and her husband could have a rare night out together. And I would not be happy to be with my parents there , knowing that my DH had to go home early because of them.
Not very helpful to suggest other people can babysit, surely you mothers know that it is not that simple.
So selfish of your parents, I imagine they have attended loads of weddings, this is not even family. Shame on them .
( Hell , I would babysit for you if you live in the North East ! ) Fully qualified too!

Harridance · 10/07/2022 12:07

It's not the grand parents fault that they won't use babysitters

Ideasideas · 10/07/2022 12:11

I hate all this "just get a babysitter, you've got plenty of time" rubbish. I'm sure OP would do this is she felt able to!

I think it's awful your parents have done this. It's utterly selfish imo. You said that they haven't seen your friend in years but they're putting their night out above yours even though they had already agreed!

I'm glad your friend is helping out and I hope your parents realise how crap they're being.

greatblueheron · 10/07/2022 12:12

KatherineJaneway · 10/07/2022 10:07

Hire a local babysitter a few time ove the next few months to get your dd used to them. Job done.

Do this!

It will be fine by the time of the wedding!

OchonAgusOchonOh · 10/07/2022 12:13

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 12:02

So I think I have found an alternative... my friend has agreed to take dd for the whole day and take her and her children to park/picnic and make it a fun day for her so she might settle a bit better.. then she will try and get her settled at my house in the evening. If dd doesn't settle then we will just come home. She is going to take her nearer the time to the local park too see how she gets on. So we could possibly get the whole evening there but won't know till that night. We can't trial bedtime before then as she will be bringing her children to stay the night of the wedding.

That's great and really kind of your friend.

I hope your parents aren't expecting to socialise with you at the evening event as I would struggle to spend any time with them at the wedding. Of course, you may be nicer than me 😁

Harridance · 10/07/2022 12:13

But The op can get a babysitter, shes just putting barriers in the way and she's got 3 months to get her used to her.