Grandparents cancelling babysitting

[Cara671244]

So me and dh were invited to a wedding back in February... wedding is in October. I asked my parents months ago if they would have dd for the wedding. They said yes. It's the whole day and night. So we returned the rsvp saying we would be attending.

Now my parents are after being invited to the evening part. They now want to go. My dd makes very strange with people and my parents are the only ones who have ever minded her.

I think it's unfair they want to cancel now but also realise they aren't obliged to mind dd either so who is being unreasonable here

Or just grow up, forgive and move on

Regress of the outcome it would be a grudge I would be holding onto op.

They'd still already made a commitment which they're now breaking.

With months of notice for the OP to find an alternative solution. I think the level of vitriol at the GPs is unreasonable.

@Stellaroses you never confirmed if you were the poster who couldn't work out what an ice cream truck was. 😂

Yanbu.

Tell her after invites are after thoughts so they don't really want them there.
Not my opinion personally but it might put them off going.

I am of the saying, "if you don't ask you don't get." I personally would ask dh's parents and if they say no, then you're no worse off than if you didn't ask but there is a chance that they may say yes!! After all they are the Grandparents too!

Can't they have her in the day then bring her with them for the evening? Or is it a no kids wedding?

Personally I’d be pissed that after agreeing, they now want to go to my friends wedding and now I can’t go all day as per invite.

Yes, you can’t expect people to drop everything to look after your child as it’s your child but I think on this occasion, they agreed to look after their grandchild and they should follow through with this as it’s for your friend, not theirs and not a family member.

I know what it’s like to have little to no help with the children and also don’t like to ask, but when I do, I would expect them to at least stick to what they’ve agreed to unless they happen to be poorly which no one can help.

She’s already said child free.

How old is your daughter? Could she stay with a close friend or godparent? There’s the summer to get used to being with them away from you and OH?

Could your DH go home after the meal with your DC and you stay and then go home with your parents and stay the night at their house?

I do too

I'm sitting on the fence as to whether anyone is being unreasonable

Sad that your parents knew accepting the invite meant you couldn't do the whole thing yourselves given they'll know you've not been out together much

I guess too that the pandemic has limited all of us and the invite was too nice an idea to decline

Sad that your parents in law said they'd never babysit.. Is that because they've seen others exploited? Do you see them much at all? I love babysitting my nephew. Shame about them

Glad you might have an option with your friend. The pandemic and lockdowns have had a profund affect on all of us x

Rtft!

It’s not uncommon for a toddler to not settle their first ever night away somewhere new but I think you’re limiting yourself to day that because of that one experience she never gets to try staying anywhere else again, that’s limiting both yourself for freedom and her for social development. As with all things with lo’s if at first you don’t succeed try and try again.
a babysitter fee could be spilt with the grandparents if they had a heart, and if they set off for the evening a little later then dd could already be fast asleep in her own bed so unlikely to notice you’re gone if you’re not sleeping over. Even if they left your house at 7 and you only stayed out till 10 that’s only 3 hours of babysitting and would mean the difference between you missing all the fun and you getting to stay for a decent amount.
TLDR you both need to compromise and work out a solution but be willing to try new things with dd

My thoughts exactly.

You're absolutely NOT being unreasonable, OP! It's really shitty and selfish of your parents to decide they should get to go to your friend's reception rather than you, after agreeing they'd babysit!

I also don't know why other posters are having such a hard time understanding your situation. It's really not difficult to understand that e.g. you can't just 'go back with your parents' when you don't live close to them and can't afford a taxi if your DH gets one earlier in the night!

It's also not difficult to understand you don't have the money to hire a babysitter several times over the next three months to get your kid used to them!

I hope it all works out with your friend babysitting and you get to enjoy your night.

I can only speak from the PoV of a GP.

They know the OP hasn't got options

Can you not take DD with you? I’m assuming it’s not child free as you’ve said you can go to daytime then go home x.

You're being unreasonable. They agreed to help you on one condition but the condition has now changed.

I assume the couple is known to both of you (potentially them first?) but you think its reasonable for them to not go and have your child so you can go? Really?

Why should they?

(and they don't need to 'grow up')

Nannyogg, the op has got options

They are known to OP's parents, so one assumes they are their friends too.

They agreed under different conditions.

Lol. Made me chuckle

Argh - didn't read your update re the relationship with the parents.
Still think YABU though. The goalposts have changed.