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Original poster

Grandparents cancelling babysitting

467 replies

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 09:48

So me and dh were invited to a wedding back in February... wedding is in October. I asked my parents months ago if they would have dd for the wedding. They said yes. It's the whole day and night. So we returned the rsvp saying we would be attending.

Now my parents are after being invited to the evening part. They now want to go. My dd makes very strange with people and my parents are the only ones who have ever minded her.

I think it's unfair they want to cancel now but also realise they aren't obliged to mind dd either so who is being unreasonable here

OP posts:
IWentAwayIStayedAway · 10/07/2022 15:48

Thehop · 10/07/2022 12:39

Sorry but I kind of agree with this

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snap

Truffled · 10/07/2022 15:49

OP asked her parents to babysit so she could attend the wedding of her close friend with her husband. Money is an issue and they have saved for the wedding and are looking forward to going. It’s not something they get to do often. She doesn’t want to leave her child with a babysitter (entirely her choice) and her parents have agreed to look after the baby. It’s the OP’s friend, not theirs. IMO they need honour their agreement and let their daughter go to the wedding worry free with her husband. It’s selfish not to.

Harridance · 10/07/2022 16:01

Goldengirlsoncraic - haha no I am not a grandparent at all, I just think parents who don't allow others to babysit are making a rod for their own back

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 10/07/2022 16:05

BruceWaynettaSlob · 10/07/2022 14:13

Maybe it's just English English. I'm Scottish and understood OP.

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I'm Welsh and managed just fine. Seems there's always a few...

goldengirlsoncraic · 10/07/2022 16:48

Harridance · 10/07/2022 16:01

Goldengirlsoncraic - haha no I am not a grandparent at all, I just think parents who don't allow others to babysit are making a rod for their own back

I'm a GP and there's no way of let my DC down if I agreed to babysit.
That's what it comes down to.

You always honour your first commitment,you don't let people down .

Harridance · 10/07/2022 16:54

Goldengirls, yes ideally that's what generally happens but I also wouldn't want to stop my parents living their life if I had 3 months to find an alternative solution, it's forgivable

Boxowine · 10/07/2022 16:58

The GPs agreed to babysit before the bride invited them. They shouldn't rock the boat now.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 10/07/2022 17:01

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 10/07/2022 16:05

I'm Welsh and managed just fine. Seems there's always a few...

Show quote history

It's a small number of xenophobic english posters every time.

I'm stretching the definition of xenophobic to include anyone from the next county...

Blossomtoes · 10/07/2022 17:05

Harridance · 10/07/2022 16:01

Goldengirlsoncraic - haha no I am not a grandparent at all, I just think parents who don't allow others to babysit are making a rod for their own back

Absolutely. Talk about martyrdom.

Pbbananabagel · 10/07/2022 17:19

Actually I think YA Definitely NOT BU.

it’s your childhood friend, your parents have been invited as a courtesy- your friend really wants to spend her wedding with you for the whole day and night. Your parents would be a nice bonus only. I think in light of this, it’s unfair on the bride for you parents to force you to leave so they can accept the invitation. The bride will probably regret asking them when she finds out this is the outcome.

RedHelenB · 10/07/2022 17:21

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 10:47

Neither me or dh drives... I've asked my friend if dd can come for an hour or two in the evening and she said its a child free wedding which I respect fully. I did kind of assume that anyway

How were you planning to get to and from the wedding then?

easiest solution is dh takes dd home when your parents arrive and you go back with them.

HoppingPavlova · 11/07/2022 11:10

The wedding is out of town so we couldn't afford to go home separately. My parents are much closer to the wedding then me so I would still need to pay for my own cab home.

Come on, this still makes no sense. In the original scenario your parents were having your DD. So if you and DH don’t drive then surely your parents were going to bring your DD home the next morning. Or, if they were staying at yours they would be driving themselves home. So, they were going to be going out of their way one way or another.

So, if they take DD and swap her to DH on arrival, he gets the cab back. You get a lift back with your parents to theirs, stay overnight and then in the morning they drive you home. It was a trip they would have been making anyway with the original plan. Have you even asked them? They will likely be happy to do this.

Same for the odd set up with the ‘solution’ you have found. Instead of you and you DH being joined at the hip and leaving together if DD is not able to be babysat, just have your DH go and you go home later with your parents and get a lift the following morning.

There are solutions here.

diddl · 11/07/2022 11:20

What would your parents do if you told them that no, you couldn't get other childcare?

Harridance · 11/07/2022 11:23

Maybe they'd offer to pay for a babysitter?

Harridance · 11/07/2022 11:24

Calling strangers on the Internet 'selfish fucking cunts' is a bit unhinged

Anonymouseposter · 11/07/2022 11:24

I'm a grandparent and I think your parents are being selfish. They should realise that you have been looking forward to this and it's your friend's wedding, not theirs.
They have left you no option to either just go to the service and the meal and then swap your daughter when they arrive for the evening do or to find another baby sitter.
The poster who couldn't understand "after being invited" and "makes strange" is either a bit dim or a snob. I know "after being invited" means something different in England but the whole way the post was written makes the meaning clear.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/07/2022 11:30

I think the posters who are picking apart your english are nasty, I'm not Irish and got what you meant.

Anyway your parents are being really mean. They had already agreed to babysit and are now letting you down...and it's your bloody friend not theirs, surely they can see that it's more important to your friend that you are there instead of them? As evidenced by your relationship with her vs theirs and the fact they just got an evening invitation vs the whole day. Your friend is just going to be pissed off seeing them there now. If they wanted a night out drinking/ dancing they could have done that any time surely

sillysmiles · 11/07/2022 12:15

For those saying the GP shouldn't go - there is a good chance that this is a local wedding and the GP will know as many people at the wedding as the OP, so as much of a night out for them as the OP.

Thankfully the OP has a solution though.

billy1966 · 11/07/2022 13:22

PinguIglu · 10/07/2022 15:16

I agree @BadNomad . I’m English and I understood perfectly well what OP was saying. Some posters behave as if they have never met anyone who uses regional dialect.

I agree.

Spot on @BadNomad.

Constant derailing of threads if posters use the slightest colloquial language.

"After being invited" is obviously "having been invited.🙄

"Making strange" is so obviously NOT a "happy" state for a child to be in.🙄

Is the grasp of the english language so narrow and poor, that the slightest slang is incomprehensible?

You'd swear it was Latin being used by the poor OP🙄.

Awful of your parents to do this OP.
So selfish.

I really hope you can make alternative arrangements and if not tell those at the wedding why you are leaving early, and embarrass them.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 11/07/2022 13:38

sillysmiles · 11/07/2022 12:15

For those saying the GP shouldn't go - there is a good chance that this is a local wedding and the GP will know as many people at the wedding as the OP, so as much of a night out for them as the OP.

Thankfully the OP has a solution though.

Even if it is a local wedding, the GP are only invited because of the OP's relationship with the bride. I really couldn't imagine my parents doing that to me when my dc were young and now my dc are adults, there is absolutely no way I would do that to them.

I know loads of people seem to think the dh heading home early is a reasonable solution but the fact the op rarely gets to go out with her dh is a massive factor here. It's not just attending the wedding, it's also the opportunity for a night out together.

Harridance · 11/07/2022 13:40

The fact they never go out is their choice alone, no-one else's

Vikinga · 11/07/2022 13:41

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 12:02

So I think I have found an alternative... my friend has agreed to take dd for the whole day and take her and her children to park/picnic and make it a fun day for her so she might settle a bit better.. then she will try and get her settled at my house in the evening. If dd doesn't settle then we will just come home. She is going to take her nearer the time to the local park too see how she gets on. So we could possibly get the whole evening there but won't know till that night. We can't trial bedtime before then as she will be bringing her children to stay the night of the wedding.

Brilliant

pogostickplastique · 11/07/2022 14:55

@user1469770863 OP has said neither her or her OH drive

Nanny0gg · 11/07/2022 15:11

Cara671244 · 10/07/2022 12:02

So I think I have found an alternative... my friend has agreed to take dd for the whole day and take her and her children to park/picnic and make it a fun day for her so she might settle a bit better.. then she will try and get her settled at my house in the evening. If dd doesn't settle then we will just come home. She is going to take her nearer the time to the local park too see how she gets on. So we could possibly get the whole evening there but won't know till that night. We can't trial bedtime before then as she will be bringing her children to stay the night of the wedding.

I think that's great

And I think your parents are being awful.

I'd be avoiding them at the reception

Nanny0gg · 11/07/2022 15:12

sillysmiles · 11/07/2022 12:15

For those saying the GP shouldn't go - there is a good chance that this is a local wedding and the GP will know as many people at the wedding as the OP, so as much of a night out for them as the OP.

Thankfully the OP has a solution though.

They'd still already made a commitment which they're now breaking.