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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to send my just 14 year old DD on a plane alone

251 replies

Crestofawave2 · 10/07/2022 00:29

My DM is going to Spain this autumn for 2 months. She has done this a few times and usually I have gone over alone to visit for a few days or have brought my DC.

This year we have had lots of trips (Covid backlog) and with the DC have been on a 4 night city break with DM and the grandchildren (I paid)

I can’t go to Spain this year as I am short on holidays and have a couple of weddings etc towards the end of the year that require holidays and money.

DM is adamant that I send my DC alone on a flight over to see her. DS is 10 so it’s not even an option as they wouldn’t take him and DD is 14 but I wouldn’t be at all comfortable sending her through an airport alone.
DM is fuming - I am ruining her break, ruining it for DC etc.

She is a very dedicated granny and the DC love her so AIBU for not allowing my DC to travel?

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 10/07/2022 04:16

I would be fine with this as long as your DD is happy. I don't think your DM should be fuming though.

youwouldthink · 10/07/2022 04:29

My nephews fly transatlantic alone for school in the UK several times a year. Started from age 13. Never an issue. They are dropped to the airport and someone waiting the other side.

TheSoundOfLunch · 10/07/2022 04:29

Maybebabyno2 · 10/07/2022 03:13

Are they? I've never heard of this. Can you post a link to the stats?

Show quote history

Hey, there’s this amazing tool called Google which will help you no end with your research!

jharley78 · 10/07/2022 04:35

Why is there nothing in your op about what your dd wants? You really are missing an important opinion here

Blackheath95 · 10/07/2022 04:44

TheSoundOfLunch · 10/07/2022 04:29

Hey, there’s this amazing tool called Google which will help you no end with your research!

Show quote history

In other words you pulled those numbers out of your …. To make it seem like every single female is going to be assaulted in a plane.

Op. she will be fine. But you have to start giving her the confidence so that she knows that.

Eastmeetswest1 · 10/07/2022 05:34

Our 14 year old is currently 6000 miles away visiting the grandparents alone. A few points....

British Airways - we found to book a flight for an unaccompanied minor you need to phone them - after countless days trying we couldnt't get through so BA was out (3 weeks ago).

Allot of the airlines now don't offer unaccompanied minor service - we couldn't get one to the USA (not to say there isn't one).

Insurance was allot harder to get get but is possible and wouldn't send them without it. Interestingly more expensive for our 14 year old going alone than the family all together (not prohibitively).

Finally, if your child is keen to go, you have the NERVES and you can afford the flight, I'd let them. At check-in the lovely staff member offered to take DC through priority security with them as he was also boarding the flight......our DC said no thanks (😭) they'd do it themselves. Argh! What happened 2 weeks ago was they waved us off at security barrier, did security themselves and messaged while waiting for their flight. They then messaged constantly at the transfer airport till the next flight left and Grandma messaged as soon as they got DC in the US.

I'm a bundle of nerves as it all needs repeated this week when DC comes home but a great experience for them, individual attention that they wouldn't normally get here from grandparents (younger siblings), and they're having lovely sunshine (we're still waiting for summer here!) and they were keen to go.

I've had to put my big girls pants on - didn't sleep for the 2 nights before they left, probably won't sleep the days they're flying home - will they know - absolutely not but I'm glad I agreed and booked it for them!! Who'd have kids???? 😃

P.S. Yes I did track the flights online from the UK to US wasting hours in the process. 🤣✈️ Didn't even know that existed but was so interesting!

Darbs76 · 10/07/2022 05:48

One straightforward flight I’d allow my daughter to if she wanted to. My children (17 and 14, B&G) are travelling to Asia in 2wks to stay with their dad who is working overseas. At one point my DC was going to go out straight after A levels and DD follow when school finishes. But their dad had no colleagues travelling back at that time and we decided a big no to DD travelling alone. They have to change flights in Dubai, so I’m not looking forward to it even with 2 of them travelling. DS travels back alone a week ahead of DD and her dad as he’s got something planned. I’m going to find a video of transferring flights on YouTube and get them to watch it. I will help them check in, plus I need to sign something for DD to travel without a parent.

you can pay a chaperone too. Get your mother to pay for that service

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 10/07/2022 05:52

I haven't done this yet (covid) but will be later this year. We plan on me taking DS to the airport and staying there until he's through passport control. I will be available on the phone and the airport is less than an hour away in case I have to go back and get him for some reason. He feels fine about it but he's flown many many times and feels confident about navigating airports. I think at 14 this is something you should be encouraging not creating fear over.

Darbs76 · 10/07/2022 05:55

TheSoundOfLunch · 10/07/2022 02:56

All these people blithely insisting “she’ll be fine”.

You know that a significant number of girls and women are sexually assaulted on flights each year? No way in hell would I do this if I wasn’t confident in the service (and it appears there is none).

That’s the reason we decided a big no to DD (also 14) travelling to Asia on her own to stay with her dad. We had visions of some man sat next to her and let’s face it they are literally right next to you and she was asleep and something happening. She is very shy so would struggle to shout for help etc. I know that’s probably unlikely but as you say, it happens. We are going to make sure if anyone has to sit next to a stranger it’s DS not DD. He will look after her

Darbs76 · 10/07/2022 05:56

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 10/07/2022 05:52

I haven't done this yet (covid) but will be later this year. We plan on me taking DS to the airport and staying there until he's through passport control. I will be available on the phone and the airport is less than an hour away in case I have to go back and get him for some reason. He feels fine about it but he's flown many many times and feels confident about navigating airports. I think at 14 this is something you should be encouraging not creating fear over.

Apparently I have to stay at the airport until the flight leaves when my DC go in 2wks. I need to sign a form at the airport too. I only live 20 mins away so I’m not paying a fortune to park up for 3hrs plus! Her older brother who is almost 18 will be with her and they can easily text me if there’s an issue and I need to return

Hatsoff5 · 10/07/2022 05:58

Amoozbooze · 10/07/2022 00:32

How does your daughter feel about it?

Exactly. DD is not a package that must be sent by force

ivykaty44 · 10/07/2022 06:02

doing something like this will often build their confidence, no reason why a person of 14 can’t navigate an airport and they can always ring if they need to ask anything

be a shame for your dd to miss out because of your worries

WestHamPam · 10/07/2022 06:04

Does she actually want to go? If so, I’d let her. It’s not hard. If not, just say no to your dm- she sounds quite demanding.

DillonPanthersFNL · 10/07/2022 06:05

Book the cheapest Ryan air or easy jet ticket for that day for you. Go with her through security, have lunch together take her to her gate, see her on the plane and leave when she's gone

AnImaginaryCat · 10/07/2022 06:11

Have you asked your DD if she's OK with flying out to granny, without imprinting your terror of it on her?

yzed · 10/07/2022 06:24

On the one hand, if it will ruin your mother's holiday if your daughter doesn't share some of the time with her, she should have discussed it with you and your daughter before booking her tickets.

On the other hand, I was one of those boarding school children. I travelled on several flights at similar age to your daughter. Do you want details of the sexual abuse I suffered in the airport transit lounges, more than once? Will that make any of you who insist "she'll be alright" think twice?

My advice? Get a guarantee from God. That there won't be significant delays, or problems of any kind. Then you'll know "she'll be alright".

I would say a lot depends on your daughter and her level of confidence plus her wish to go. But if you don't want to send her, then don't.

BelleMarionette · 10/07/2022 06:29

I flew alone at this age and it was fine. I also did at 15, and 16 without issue.

Does your dd want to go? If so, I would let her.

AlisonOrdnung · 10/07/2022 06:45

She's 14. She'll be fine. I used to do this pretty regularly as a teen.

Roselilly36 · 10/07/2022 06:48

just say no to your mum, you are DD mum and what you says goes. It doesn’t matter if other people’s kids do it, this is your child and you know best, and whether she would cope in those circumstances.

GoodThinkingMax · 10/07/2022 06:49

At 14, I flew far longer trips. Left at the gate by parents, met at the other end by hosts. Of course she’ll be fine!

Marsoupial · 10/07/2022 06:50

Just book her assistance through the airport - it's easily done.

I flew regularly from 10 on my own and it involved two long haul international flights with a connection. It's really normal a 14 year old would be able to handle a short haul flight from the UK to Spain.

Brunonononooo · 10/07/2022 06:51

I have put YABU but I wonder if that’s because I have small children and the thought of them being alone is terrifying… Although my cousin fled to the USA (so much longer flight to be fair) at around the same age and was terrified by himself, locked himself in the bathroom for most of the trip. If she is a confident flyer and it must be a fairly short flight, maybe she would be ok?

ChickenBurgers · 10/07/2022 06:52

I did it at 12 as an unaccompanied minor and then at 14 I did it on my own properly. It was fine, I had a mild panic that my flight was cancelled until I realised that it was an earlier flight with the same airline and destination, not my flight that was cancelled. Other than that it was fine.

I don’t like to say whether I’d send my kids on their own through the airport as the eldest is only 7, so a while off of 14. I really think it depends on the maturity of your 14 year old as to whether you should or not.

Mollymalone123 · 10/07/2022 06:52

I used to fly alone at that age to Germany- my first ever flight was on my own and it was fine.However,there is a lot of chaos it seems at the airports just now and it would be that reason why I would say maybe not this summer.I’m sure your daughter would be fine but there could well be flight cancellations-delays and baggage problems this summer and that would be tricky for your DD.

Rosehugger · 10/07/2022 06:54

For me, it would depend on her individual maturity and about eight points out of ten on the decision would be how she feels about it.

Personally, I feel 13.5 year old DD2's journey to school on the bus or train is more dangerous.