Will I be able to return to U.K. life

[Blippimakesyouhyper]

Have lived abroad for many years, travelled lots etc. We’re due to return to live in the U.K. after Christmas. Mainly due to wanting dc, 3 to be closer to grandparents and have British schooling.
The lifestyles are worlds apart, between both places, both places have their negatives & positives.
I just really thought about it the other day when we were attending a friends birthday party, nearly all dads were there too aswell as mums…it was a random Tuesday in the middle of the day. It was hot and sunny, cocktails, playing in the pool etc.
When we go back, we don’t have the same job flexibility as many do here and I can’t see Dh being off in the middle of the day and attending parties and so on.
Beginning to worry I’ll feel trapped and hemmed in

Don’t do it!

Why? I couln't think of a better place to live than my small happy place in the UK.

And again, the cultural snottiness is on display, although this one is not technically indigenous.

Ironically I have a similar London lifestyle - galleries, museums, concerts, cultured friends etc - but I don’t feel the need to inform people of this. We would be labelled the “metropolitan elite” by the rest of the country - with a certain level of antagonism - the predominant culture of the U.K. is popular culture. Despite being a Republican, it’s impossible to open a newspaper without whiffle on the royal family, even the Guardian is not immune. We’ve just had a two day national holiday for a Jubilee!

Obviously everyone's circumstances are different,- and posters raise good points about schooling and health- but I am quite happy talking about careers. I would much rather that than hang out by the pool and talk about other people's kids ( had some years doing that too and was bored to tears).

It is possible to learn a language in a year - but it’s very hard work.

Taking a more relaxed approach - you could get from zero to A level in a year or two (assuming you’re working FT). If you go and live in the country you could get fluent in a year if you speak no English when you’re there. If you’re in an English speaking job or go with a British partner it could take longer. It’s important to watch loads of TV in the language.

Alternatively you could try to secure a job in English speaking company abroad and take language lessons when you’re there.

When we go back, we don’t have the same job flexibility as many do here and I can’t see Dh being off in the middle of the day and attending parties and so on

OTH, most office jobs are wfh these days and life has got a lot more flexible because of it. Most parents can now do school pick ups etc and fit work around family life much more easily than the pre-Covid says.

Plus you'd have the benefit of U.K. employment laws with more holiday, better redundancy terms, better mat/pat leave, better compassionate leave etc etc.

It's not all doom and gloom here you know!

Indeed, @gbliu87767 has hit the nail on the head. It's worse than you remember, so don't come home expecting decent public services, because whereas they were creaking along 15 years ago, they're non-existent today.

The OP is in Europe, not the US or Asia or somewhere. Where in Europe has worse employment laws than the UK? Infact, most of our decent employment laws exist because we were once part of he European Union. Now we're not, we have far less protection. The UK government could decide they're going to rip up those laws tomorrow, and knowing them, that's exactly what they're planning.

I don't think there's any perfect place to live. Everywhere has pros and cons. I've lived in USA for short time then Spain before moving to SE England with my English dh (I'm Irish). We had a great life in England- lovely climate, good jobs, lovely friends, easy and cheap travel to Europe. As my dc got older I started to think where I saw myself in 10/20/30 years. My dc was lonely having no siblings (couldn't have any more) and my dh family didn't live close. We decided to move to NI (near where I'm from). We have the best overall lifestyle- the weather is the biggest downfall. It's relatively cheap. The education system is fantastic (consistently outperforms other parts of uk), we are mortgage free (late 30's due to selling in SE). Have great jobs. Can afford to buy a holiday home. Health system isn't great but we're very lucky that we haven't needed to see a doctor in 10+ years and we get private through our work. Dc plays sports all year round- even in sleet and snow. You get used to it!

I don't recognise the materialistic aspect here but did when I was closer to London. Everywhere was so busy, traffic a nightmare and everyone aiming for the best and not living for the moment.

I moved back for similar reasons, school, family plus I'm a single parent and career was better here.

What I would say is think carefully about where you want to live. I moved back to a part of London which is lovely and familiar, 6 months in I couldn't stand the constant ambient noise, crowds etc

I moved us out to a small town in Oxfordshire in the end for some peace. You change a lot when you live abroad, what you can no longer tolerate is quite surprising.

I love where I live now.

I thought about it briefly and my DF told me absolutely not too. The children have a much better lifestyle here, we all do.

Thanks so much everyone for all the feedback, really interesting and helpful to read.

I miss the U.K. in many ways, but I’m not sure if that memory is through rose tinted glasses. On the other hand, what if i could be even happier back over there.

With regard to the British schooling system, I think a previous poster hit the nail on the head in that I'm remembering my childhood and a little sad she misses out on that in some ways.
In terms of people being more career focused & materialistic, this is only my experience with meeting up with my friends back in the U.K. these days. Some of who lived abroad also but returned back to the U.K.
They're very into their careers, which is fine in itself, but I seem to have lost that a little and don’t want to work longer hours for more money etc, I want to earn enough to be ok and to have time to spend with my dc and enjoy life a little more.
An example is a friend discussing a friend of hers who was a lawyer and had decided to pack it in and open her own dog day care/dog walking business. This friend is the happiest she’s ever been, still makes good money and has much more free time etc. My friend was shocked and pretty outraged, I thought it was amazing 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I’ve made a Pros list for both countries 😅

Uk

Parents, family, old friends
Speaking English
Humour
Friendly, down to earth people (in general)
More defined seasons
Can earn more money
More job opportunities (career advancement)
Higher pay
Green, rolling hills
Beautiful park/nature
A feeling of more security
Culture-Theatre, music etc
Rain
Better autumn
Chance of snow
More Christmassy at Christmas
Good chippies

Where I am

Beautiful weather, winter is cool
enough to be cold and wear coats/be cosy indoors sometimes, but not harsh or constant rain
Outdoors lifestyle
Watching sunsets and swimming in the sea at night
Relaxed lifestyle
Less traffic
Dc being able to be bilingual
Better lifestyle for Dc growing up
Much less crime
Work/life balance better
Friends from huge range of nationalities
Food, specifically fruit & veg much better
Having easy access to other European countries to visit, live and work
Good healthcare, plus private relatively accessible with health insurance if you choose

Now the cons:

Uk

Crap weather most of the time
More of an indoors lifestyle, unless you make a concerted effort to get out in all weathers
Expensive bills etc now (although we are seeing that where I am too)
Crime
Drunkenness
Less family orientated-where I am everything revolves around family, kids come out at night with us etc
I personally felt quite depressed and trapped a lot of the time (could be just me though)
Emphasis on doing up your house/earning more/working more/having a hot tub/big tv/getting pissed
Sometimes..a more negative attitude/uptight/less thinking outside the box

Where I am

Low pay and high bills/mortgage/bills/cost of living etc
Less chance for career progression
No family around
When the shit hits the fan, can feel a bit lost and insecure
Sometimes feeing lonely/bit strange in another country/culture that isn’t your own
Too hot in August
Mosquitoes
No good chippy or Greggs
Humour not as good
Less culture (that I enjoy) unless you go to the capital city
Lower benefits-child benefit etc
Bueracracy (spelling!)
Corruption in police force etc
A very ‘Not what you know, who you know’ society
Friends coming and going-moving home/to other countries
Ex pat community can be trapping
Autumn not as nice
No snow
Needs more rain

Can you see why it’s hard to make a decision 🤣

Oh, one more con to where I am…if dh and I ever split (obviously hoping that isn’t the case) would be harder than being in the U.K. and might be tricky to leave to live in the U.K.-)

*Better lifestyle for Dc growing up
Much less crime
Work/life balance better
Friends from huge range of nationalities
Food, specifically fruit & veg much better
Having easy access to other European countries to visit, live and work
Good healthcare, plus private relatively accessible with health insurance if you choose

This would all make me stay where you are tbh.

Hmmmmm.... now that you have put it down like that, and having realised that you are in a European country, I would stay where you are and visit frequently.

It does depend where you go, OP. There's not much crime where we live, and we have lovely countryside. Personally I really like the British weather. How much hot weather do you want? The rain is what makes the countryside green.

I think this is quite geographically specific.
I am in the UK, a small village with very low crime rates. "Kitten stuck up a tree" is a headline in local newspaper.
Having a work/life balance is very personal- I am sure there are positions that require long hours in your country too OP, similarly in the UK ways of making money and diverse, with varying rates of flexibilty- I don't think that is country specific.
If you are lucky enough to afford it then all sorts of produce is avalaible in the UK.
We are also lucky here to have a large number of restaurants thanks in part to immigrants who have started food businesses.
If I want to eat Sushi/curry/Chinese/Vietnamese/Mexican/Spanish food then I am spoilt for choice.
I love the green verdant counryside too, endless spaces of cool and tranquiity.

I hope you are able to come to a satisfactory conclusion,

OP I want the lifestyle you have now!!

are you in Spain?

@Mellowyellow222 Portugal x

@speakout This is it though, I think we’d need a lot of money to be able to do similar things we do with dc etc
I think the U.K. could be lovelier if you have a lot of money.

I did this and don't regret it. We slipped back in to the lifestyle here in the Uk fairly easily. My dc go to bed later than many here but there is al lot more opportunities for them here and it's never to hit to make the most of them. I'm a single parent so it's a bit different but where I was living the men were generally off working in the summer months anyway so everyone was in the same boat. Yes the same flexibility isn't there and I don't have the same close friendship as I had but the benefit of being close to my parents and having my dc attend school in a language I can speak outweighs the downsides for me. Up side is we always have a holiday destination for the price of a flight

I could have written some of your thread, OP - I'm British, have travelled lots, now live abroad, have small kids ... except I don't have the faintest intention of moving back to the U.K.

I'm in Spain (sounds like you may be too) and the lifestyle with young children is just SO much better imo. Great weather most of the year, hardly ever rains, tons of parks, playgrounds, outdoor activities for kids. Plus they are genuinely welcomed just about everywhere, in any bar, cafe, restaurant. Every time I sit on a terrace with a 3 euro glass of wine watching my kids play in the perfectly clean and well-maintained playground while the other customers smile indulgently at their shrieks of laughter, I think I wouldn't go back if you paid me.

I love that I can combine city living with being outdoors a lot. That combo is hard to achieve in the U.K. unless you are really tolerant of the cold. I lived in Edinburgh a long time, and it's a beautiful city but oh god, the weather.

Schools here are a big plus for me too. My kids start infant school at 3, and I think it's amazing they will grow up bilingual. Provision for learning second languages in the U.K. is terrible - by secondary school you've missed the ideal window to learn another language. On the other hand, my kids will have English lessons 5x a week here, and most schools have a bilingual programme with at least some subjects taught in English as they get older.

Of course Spain has its cons - the bureaucracy is mental, lower salaries and higher taxes (but that pays off in much better public services). But I think the pros if you have a young family far outweigh them. I miss my friends and family in the U.K. but I don't miss the country at all.

I'd much rather live here and visit there, and I can't see that changing any time soon.

One question, OP - if you did go back and regret it, can you reverse that decision? It's so much harder to relocate to Europe from the U.K. now.

Depends where you live.
House prices in the SE are crazy, Restaurants, entrance fees, all hiked up.
This is not a situation on other parts of the UK.
Living in a less expensive location does not mean lack of facilities. Lots of places to live in the UK are amazing, and much more affordable than SE prices.