Will I be able to return to U.K. life

[Blippimakesyouhyper]

Have lived abroad for many years, travelled lots etc. We’re due to return to live in the U.K. after Christmas. Mainly due to wanting dc, 3 to be closer to grandparents and have British schooling.
The lifestyles are worlds apart, between both places, both places have their negatives & positives.
I just really thought about it the other day when we were attending a friends birthday party, nearly all dads were there too aswell as mums…it was a random Tuesday in the middle of the day. It was hot and sunny, cocktails, playing in the pool etc.
When we go back, we don’t have the same job flexibility as many do here and I can’t see Dh being off in the middle of the day and attending parties and so on.
Beginning to worry I’ll feel trapped and hemmed in

Sorry @mackthepony but I have one issue with what you say, I think that the priority for staying where the OP is now is the children and her and her husband or the parents/pil back here in the UK.

I believe that the OP is trying to convince herself that it would at least be good for her children's schooling if they returned to the UK, but I am very doubtful that their educational chances would actually be better here.

I moved back to the uk after spending 25 years in California- it was a shock to begin with for sure! I felt a real sadness around holidays etc, missed the food, the shopping, the big nice new clean look of everything etc. I’ve been back here for almost 20 years now and while I do miss parts of Cali, I’m mostly acclimated here.
I also moved back to be close to my parents 💖💖💖

Have lived abroad for many years, travelled lots etc. We’re due to return to live in the U.K. after Christmas.
Can't you make it May-June? The absolute worst months of the year are Jan-Feb for being dark cold raining and generally crap. I moved from somewhere warm and southern to somewhere northernish in the autumn and the lack of light was depressing. Can't imagine doing it in Jan-Feb!

Mainly due to wanting dc, 3 to be closer to grandparents
How old are grandparents, what sort of health are they in and how close exactly are you planning on being? If you're more than 45mins away you won't see them that regularly.

and have British schooling.
English schooling. What's so good about it in comparison to where you are now? Are you planning on state or private?

I just really thought about it the other day when we were attending a friends birthday party, nearly all dads were there too aswell as mums…it was a random Tuesday in the middle of the day. It was hot and sunny, cocktails, playing in the pool etc.
Do all these parents work? I have a hard time imagining which European country - Southern, obviously you're not in Norway! - has kids birthday parties mid-week mid-afternoon and all parents attend. It's one thing to have flexibility but quite another for everybody to have it to that extent. I have family in Southern Europe living by the beach and they definitely can't be doing that. So it's not a comparison of the U.K. vs your country, but your corner of it vs your corner of the U.K., which will be whatever you make if it.

Also your DC is 3. When he starts school that won't be happening as I guess teachers don't have that sort of flexibility and birthday parties aren't encouraged during school time. So taking that into account coupled with the fact that the flexibility of working schedules will start to move around the school day, will you actually be having midweek pool parties with friends and their kids? Also, isn't this (school) summer holiday time already in Southern Europe? My point being that it may be worth looking at what life will be like once DS is in regular schooling.

When we go back, we don’t have the same job flexibility as many do here That will put you in the same boat as everybody else which makes socialising easier. You can't have a party at a time nobody else can attend, for example!

and I can’t see Dh being off in the middle of the day and attending parties and so on. as above

Beginning to worry I’ll feel trapped and hemmed in
You might but you need to look at it a bit differently. You're comparing apples to pears - at best. Your view (in subsequent post) of the UK is quite insulting. Do you not clean your house now? If not why can't you have a cleaner in the UK? Where you live now are there no large DIY shops? I'd be surprised, because I know people who spend lots of time on their properties (especially with pools!) who live in Southern Europe. Mainly however look ahead where you are at how many people there are having term-time pool parties. Maybe that's what adults do when their kids are in school, then they drive to collect them a bit tipsy? It's not quite adding up.

Because if you're actually living a life where you have help in the house and nannies/au pairs/extensive use of babysitters then you there's no reason why you can't so similar in the UK which helps add some flexibility.

I don't live in the UK btw and my advice from watching from abroad is that this is a bad time to move back. But you need to make the decision yourself ideally based on true comparisons, especially if your heart isn't really in it.

OP, I've lived in quite a few countries and I've ended up concluding that the grass isn't greener anywhere. There will be pros and cons.

I moved back to Australia from the UK because my parents were getting older and my nieces and nephews hardly knew me. The question I asked myself, was what I would regret more. And the answer was, not being with them. I take them out to dinner every week/fortnight and I'm here for all celebrations. I'll never regret any of that.

Is it perfect here? No. Will I go back to the UK at some point? Probably. But I'll do so with no regrets.

I made this exact move 3 years ago!

i lived in a European country with a good work life balance and with lots of friends with their own businesses.

I moved to the Uk partly so we could be back in time for eldest dd to do Uk school and partly to be there for my parents as they age.

moving back was tricky in parts - I felt very foreign despite being in the same area I grew up in but I now feel settled.

the positives are that I am pleased to be closer to my parents, that it is much easier to live and work in English, that I can get curry delivered, that the kids are thriving doing school in their first language in the Uk education system.

the negatives are that the food is much poorer and I’ve put on weight, I dislike the materialism, being outdoors in winter is difficult, kids aren’t welcome to places in the evening so most people don’t go out after work and in general I find people are much less sociable

i haven’t struggled to make friends (and I had some here already) but the friends I have made are very different and I feel middle aged in a way I didn’t living abroad. Casual interaction eg friendships with neighbors are much easier now I’m not « foreign »

We have kept a flat in the area we lived and intended to go backwards and forwards. That hasn’t worked because of covid but I’m hoping to be able to do it from next year.

overall I’m not unhappy with the move but there are elements which I miss a lot.

Feel free to pm me if you want.....

I wouldn't contemplate coming back within the next nine months OP, for one reason only. With the fuel crisis due to Putin's war in Ukraine, life in northern Europe is going to be extremely hard next winter. The cost of energy is going to be astronomical (think a KwH of electricity above 50p) and there may well be blackouts. That's not going to give you an accurate impression of what life is like in more normal times and would be deeply depressing if you are used to sunshine.

You were obviously surrounding yourself with the wrong kind of people over here. If you still only know shit people here then don't come back. Especially not if you're all judgey and that

People have lots of different kinds of lives in England. You don't have to return to your old life here, you can make one that suits you better.

I don't have fixed working hours. I work when I like -- it's important to me so I found a job that offered that. I don't have a television or shop for clothes at the weekend. What makes you think those things are mandatory?

This is actually not an uncommon way of thinking, but it is rigid and a little childish. People who move to London also think like this about leaving London. They imagine that there are only two options: their life now and their own childhood, so they can't risk leaving London as somehow the only other option is Kettering in 1987.

You have choices. Make some.

I moved back to the UK last summer. I had a lovely life where I was (apart from Covid) and it's been a difficult year. I came back mostly for family purposes. I have a nice life here - a very different life but a nice life all the same. I miss my host country every day and there are times that I regret moving back - I think those will always be there - but I'm happy here too.
Like a previous poster said, it's not your current life or your childhood life. My life now is substantially better than my childhood was, and my children have a much better life here than I did. You can move back to the UK for a new chapter, not a repeat of the old one.
Try not to come back over Christmas though - it's a shitty time of year. If you can push it out to spring/summer that would be infinitely better for all of you. My DC struggled with their first winter!

If life is good where you are now, I'd stay put. You're basically leaving a good life with the hope of finding an equally good life elsewhere (but possibly not). What's the point ?

As for your parents, realistically, unless you live down the street to their place, would you see them much more often ? Would you enjoy the times you see them as much (when it becomes routine instead of an exciting holiday home) ?

Personally I love my parents, though we have our differences, but I wouldn't shape my life around theirs. I'd make contact with them fit around my life and what's best for my family.

I think it depends where you are now.

I have know quite a few people who left the UK and think that was the best thing they did. Some moved to be with family (they were European) and had kids. They found the UK such a hard slog and impossible financially with children. Others just decided that it was expensive and there wasn't much opportunity for them here. I think if you are moving for GP help and support with kids, be mindful that GP's can seem keen at first but that can change, if it does you need to be on fairly high salaries to manage.

I am personally very jealous of you. The UK has gone massively down hill in the last 10 years with politics and for social mobility. At present I don't have much of a future here and no stability. I would love to emigrate to Europe to get away, but don't stand a chance now.

Not everyone in UK is how you describe though. If you listen to the media, we are all vacuous morons who can't critically think, but not everyone is like that.

I think your lifestyle here will depend on your jobs and budget. How old are your DC?

Some of your comments about uk life are quite offensive to me: materialism, doing up houses, cleaning, career ladders, shopping and talking about TV shows. Those things have never been my life, either when I was young or now in my 60s. Florida may have a sunshine lifestyle and high standards of living but the lack if culture compared to the UK would make me die inside. What do you talk about in Florida? Pool boys and chemical maintenance?

We have a 2nd home in Southern France and as we get older hope to spend more time there. Life is a different pace there and it's beautiful and the food is better. France is also better run, has better schools and much better healthcare. It is far less densely populated. But in some ways more parochial and far more bureaucratic.

However, the things I love about being in close proximity to London are: opera, concerts, theatre, art, etc. I couldn't live without that.

I suspect you will find your lifestyle too great a compromise to return. In the South an average house is a 3 bed semi, not much garden, two bathrooms if you are lucky. Probably £500k; in London closer to £1.2m; nice home counties £800k ish (Bucks, Surrey, Herts, etc).

What do you value about a UK education particularly?

The UK may be "grey" but it is also very verdant.

OP is in Europe. It's someone else in Florida.
(Seen a few posters missed that/confused it).

How ridiculous 🙄 why not make the best of the opportunities in the place that you are living?!

Where you live in the UK, your personality, your outlook on life, the type of person you are drawn to and the people that are drawn to you will have the biggest impact on you no matter where you live in the world.

In the UK if you like an outdoorsy lifestyle then living somewhere close to a national park or beach or countryside would be a natural choice which is possible everywhere since the UK is a very small island at the end of the day.

The amount of public bridleways, footpaths and byways crisscross the length and breadth of the UK including the all around coastpaths so if you and your children want to take up hiking or cycling or horse riding or get a dog then you will have amazing new opportunities to do that here if your only friends so far have been for shopping and TV watching!!

There are plenty of places in the UK where your DC having their own ponies or riding is not difficult or considered an elite sport compared to the rest of the world.

There are whole new worlds out there in terms of clubs and events and friendships be it climbing, year round wild swimming, cycling, WI, cooking, gardening, sailing, trainspotting, kite or model aeroplane flying, gliding, paragliding, coasteering, kayaking, canoeing, rowing, scuba diving, swimming, sewing, arts and crafts, archeological digging, history, creative writing, music, dancing, singing, festivals, human rights, animal welfare, volunteering, dog walking, dog agility...the list goes on.

Best not be narrow-minded nor have a negative mindset op.

The uk is a bit different post Covid.

Most people I know work at least partly from home and flexibly, even things like teachers are allowed to work from home for their ppa in some schools. There are lots of dads doing more school runs.

I know lots of people who are very outdoorsy. The family next door to me are mad keen on cycling and are often out on bikes, DH and I love to walk with the kids in local woodland. There are always people out riding horses, and I've got a few friends who've got into outdoor swimming since lockdown.

You said home is the North but you would be heading South. If this is the case and the family you are going back for are nowhere near where you'll be based you may as well not bother. The one thing I have been absolutely clear on is if we repat back to the UK we go to where our friends and family are or not at all. Living a few hours away but in the same country means you have all the downsides of having to establish a new life in the UK without the expat circles which make that more achievable. Breaking into friendship groups in the UK is really hard amongst people who haven't moved around. Lots of people I know who have returned never mention having been away because it's seen as bragging so they just don't talk about the other life they have had..

There’s no way I’d move back in your situation.

Your dc are settled and you all sound happy and that’s priceless.

Visit your DPs regularly and don’t uproot your family for an unknown future.

I spent 4 years living abroad with my husband and our 1st child was born there. We came back to the UK when our son had just turned 1.
DH was offered a good job opportunity in a city near where my family live and we were very keen for our son to be brought up with family around him. It was hard coming back and readjusting to the culture, climate and lifestyle but 100% the best decision for us. My son adores his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and wider family. I ws also excited to come back to my UK friends but those friendships have changed a bit. Everyone's lives have moved on and I'd been gone so the dynamic isn't the same as before. It's nice to see them when we get the chance but sometimes i feel a bit of a bystander cause I missed so much.
The other big difference I noticed is just how insular the UK is and how closed minded a lot of people are. The idea that the British way is the best way, even though they don't know any other way. Having lived abroad I see there are things I like better about the UK and things that are worse but I'm careful about who I talk about this with, it doesn't always go down well.
Finally, the UK systems are more beaurocratic than I remembered them. Getting reestablished with bank accounts, driving licence, any sort of documentation really, took ages and a lot of forms. Maybe because I was doing it all at once and not staggered like you would do if you lived here your whole life.

2 experiences of living abroad for years, among the most desirable places in Europe. 1st time as a teen and young adult and now been back a year from the 2nd experience with pre teens in tow.

I would say it totally depends on where in the UK you settle, how much disposable income you have to enjoy the weekends and activities on offer and how socially connected you will be there. For us it has been a fantastic move back to the UK even though we are worse off financially we are much richer in every other way. I like sun but I hate heat and I actually like the contrast between seasons. Bad weather days help me appreciate the good ones.

There are a lot of very difficult things about living abroad that people aren’t aware of when they hear about pool parties, cocktails and amazing weather.

Big negative for me about living abroad was the ex pat bubble. You might like being part of that but I certainly did not.

I calove living in the UK.
No pool parties in my life- thankfully- but I love the cold winter months, the hygge.
It's not a case of everyone having flexibilty with work abroad and none in the UK- really depends on the type of work you do.
I am sure there are many jobs in your country OP that give little flexibility.
I have complete flexibility in my work- can stop and start when I like, totally control my work hours, holidays- I go to a gym class 5 days a week.
I love where I live, 10 minutes drive to unspoilt coastline, I live surrounded by native forest, the heart of the city is 20 minutes away, as is a large international airport.
My city is a UNESCO world heritage site, steeped in ancient and medieval history, a thriving centre for the arts, built over an extinct volcano- wild terrain in the city.
I don't feel trapped or hemmed in- quite the opposite, I live in a very safe place, I feel very free and safe being able to roam, I have no time restraints with work.

A life built around cocktails and pool parties on a Tuesday sounds a little dull TBH.

I think you dont want to move back so perhaps plan more regular trips with grandparents

as for schooling - well i'm not massively anti UK and live here very happily but wouldn't move here because of the schooling. I'm not a fan of the system or the curriculum - have 5 children gone/going through the school system and in my experience the early years and post 16 education is great but the bit in the middle (the main bit) has generally ranged from
mediocre to appalling and ive always had a focus on life outside of school.

i don't see the uk as 'grey' for me it's always been very 'green' even in the rain....it's green fields, hedgerows and trees

we also rarely go shopping

It very much depends on where you live. I live near Cambridge and the villages are full of people who’ve lived abroad/are European/USaian/NZ etc. Not only does that mean they bring their own experiences to our village, it means most people have a generally globalist outlook, and as at least one of the couple is new to the area/country, there is a big drive to meet people. Starting school was the main catalyst for meeting similar people tbh.

We do have pool parties - our state primary has its own swimming pool and families can use it outside of school hours. We hang out there of a weekend. Loads of people cycle/walk/paddle board on the river.

The villagers are a different bunch and are more parochial; I do think there is a bit of a divide between families who’ve been here since the Doomsday book and newcomers, and I’d struggle to cope with Iiving someplace without newcomers.

We both have good jobs, schools are all right and we have high quality food shops, extracurricular activities and mild weather. My biggest concern about living someplace in Southern Europe would be climate change, to be honest, and I don’t think other European countries are immune from rising energy and food costs either.

Some people have that in the U.K. I do 🤷🏼‍♀️ I work 9-2.30 and can pick my daughter up from school and go and enjoy the sun. Of which we get quite a lot in the SE!

It is definitely what you make of it. Is there a possibility to move to the coast? Friday evening and yesterday we've been paddle boarding, swimming in the sea, parents for a BBQ and even attended a mini festival last night. We get our food shop delivered so never spend our weekends shopping or in shops. My husband attended both children's sports days last week and both their assemblies - he just worked a few hours extra when the children were in bed. (Obviously not an option for everyone)

Lifestyle is absolutely what you make it, as in what you deem has value and want to spend your time doing. but location can play a big part in that.

I'm guessing the OP is thinking of private education. Good private schools are far less available on the continent.
I personally think that the cooler, rainier weather and distinct seasons in the UK is a huge advantage of living here, and will only become more so. In countries like Italy it is hot for much of the year. Often too hot.