Will I be able to return to U.K. life

[Blippimakesyouhyper]

Have lived abroad for many years, travelled lots etc. We’re due to return to live in the U.K. after Christmas. Mainly due to wanting dc, 3 to be closer to grandparents and have British schooling.
The lifestyles are worlds apart, between both places, both places have their negatives & positives.
I just really thought about it the other day when we were attending a friends birthday party, nearly all dads were there too aswell as mums…it was a random Tuesday in the middle of the day. It was hot and sunny, cocktails, playing in the pool etc.
When we go back, we don’t have the same job flexibility as many do here and I can’t see Dh being off in the middle of the day and attending parties and so on.
Beginning to worry I’ll feel trapped and hemmed in

If you / the people you knew were shopping every weekend and taking about their tellys and their jobs, then you were hanging around with really boring people. So rent in the Uk to find a community you like.

But honestly I wouldn’t come back at all, unless the education system is actually crap, you clearly don’t want to. I understand wanting to see your parents more, but ultimately your first duty is to your kids. You can come back to see your parents.

If I lived abroad I wouldn't come back but not for the reasons you state which are slightly bizarre ones. People do all sorts of things in the UK. Nobody I know spends every weekend shopping, or talks about nothing but climbing the ladder or home improvements. I think you need to write a list of actual pros and cons rather than focussing on generalisations you seem.to have conjured up to affirm your opinion.

FWIW if I were to make assumptions now people I hung around with in my twenties, based on our twenties, they would be incorrect ones.

Why not have kids where you are then decided when they are school age if your ready to move back

Your life sounds pretty ideal. I wouldn't jack that in in this economy. Make trips back from Europe.

@Blippimakesyouhyper 40 mins from coast but 2 hrs ish for surfing as not enough waves this time year for out nearest
Paddleboarding can do also on river near us
Sea gets cold but dh and kids have winter wetsuits and dh switches to windsurfing colder times, can't go for several months as yes too cold , but then my ds play rugby / football etc so we are busy with that too in colder months

I loved back from a country in the East Mediterranean to the UK after 7 years there. I moved back because my teen kids saw their lives as being in the UK, and if I hadn't they'd have returned and started their lives there alone. So I made sure we went back in time for them to get British exams.
Also I couldn't have afforded to buy a home where we were living and rents were expensive so I was terrified of being broke and homeless when I retired.

I bought a home in the UK and have made a good career.

It took me a couple of years to get used to the loneliness and how much harder it was to make friends in the UK - people are quite closed and I moved to a small town area in the east. One child subsequently moved back to where we had lived before, one has stayed in UK.
If I could keep my job, still own property and move somewhere sunnier and friendlier again, I would. I love England, the countryside, the villages and the history. The weather is kind and the sun is rarely trying to burn you alive. But I have no friends nearby, I have made friends through common interests, but all are 30-45 minutes + away, so there is no chance to do the informal pop round for coffee thing.

If your kids are still at school and you are moving to a different type of area, you might do better at making friends though.

It sounds like you have a lovely life.

and you live far enough south that you have year round good weather. And a group of friends who all have very flexible jobs. That surely is also unusual in your new country? So may people being able to take a Tuesday afternoon off work at short notice? No doctors or teachers or police officers etc.

while Of course people in the uk do more than DIY and clothes shopping on the weekend, it sounds like you have found your tribe and your lifestyle.

why not invite your parents out for longer stays? You are already so negative about life in the UK I don’t think it will be a good move for you.

@Blippimakesyouhyper What country are you in?

Honestly don’t come back- it’s an absolute shitshow. You will be depressed, I guarantee it sadly.

british schooling tho, lol.

I mean it’s kind of offensive isn’t it.

“my life is so rich and full. Do I really want to move back to where they all live far smaller lives?” Being the gist of it.

maybe don’t bother, if it’s so good where you are.

I wouldn't..I live in Spain and moved back when my son was 11 months old haven't been here for 7 years and then spent the majority of the subsequent 18 months finding ways to undo that decision.

The reasons I hated being back were as you described in your post..over materialistic society, very poor work life balance, the climate and as the lady from Indonesia stated, a very individual society.

Not to mention the economic questions and the appalling healthcare in the UK (before I get flamed I know it's not the fault of the doctors and nurses). It is absolutely dismal. Also, UK schools? I wouldn't fancy them either to be honest..

Good luck

the uk education system is dire , certainly not a reason to return.

How do the kids feel about it?

Because let's face it, growing up in a lifestyle of outdoor activities and pools is very different to the UK.

And I know people say, oh times have changed etc, but really?

I think you need to decide who is the priority here - your kids or you and your husband.

I Can’t wait to leave again 🤣 don’t do it !
there are obviously some beautiful areas in the U.K. but the lifestyle is just well boring for want of a better word

and it’s ok people saying make new friends etc but the type of stuff going on / people to do it with is really dependant on the area you live etc

the weather also makes me want to cry

don’t do it !!!!

I lived in the UK from age 20-35 and moved back to my home country right after we had DC. There are things that I don’t love here but like you, I have a ton of work flexibility, a very outdoor focused lifestyle, the weather is better. The idea of moving back to London to work 9-5 or 9-6 in an office with a stressful hour long commute each way… I struggle to ever see being willing to do that. How do people actually see their children? I finish work at 4, no commute, can take off early to take DC to the pool or for a long weekend away in summer, come in late to go skiing in the morning in winter etc… how could I trade this in?

There are definitely a lot of issues with the UK! But I think success in comparison to the lovely life you have now might ultimately come down to budget.

It is obvious to say but money or at least the right kind of property really goes a long way in making the most of life and the climate here. Can you afford a house with a decent garden and the right storage for outdoor hobbies? Weather can be coped with and embraced when you can dry coats and boots and store the kayak and tent and bikes easily and without hassle. It’s the only way to compensate for the ease that comes with most days being just warm and sunny. Can you afford to live close to a place you really want to be on sunny evenings and weekends, like the coast or the South Downs or New Forest etc. Can you live somewhere where you aren’t stuck in traffic for much of the day? Can you afford to run the right sized cars to facilitate the hobbies? There are lots of people living brilliant happy, active, outdoor lifestyles in the south and the further west you go the cheaper the property and the more laid back, but it generally costs ££££ and property and location will be key.

It sounds to me like you will miss the sea and beach so in your situation I would look at what you can afford in locations close to these and go from there.

OP, I am a Brit who lives overseas--a lot further from the UK than you are.

The things that come across really strongly from your posts are that
a) you are clearly very happy where you are now
b) your ideas about the UK seem a bit dated or out of touch... have you been visiting regularly over the years? Or have you been visiting only very much as a "tourist" and perhaps just skimming the surface of what like in the UK is really like?

It sounds like the only real reasons you have for moving back are a) grandparents b) schooling. Are you really sure about this?
The thing about grandparents is, even people who don't live overseas, it isn't actually the norm to have them "down the road" or to see them multiple times a week. Yes, it can be nice if that happens. But it's not the be all and end all, and it's not worth living a lifestyle that you are otherwise not happy with. Have you really really talked with your parents and PILs about this? Are they just as keen as you are for them to be heavily involved?
The thing about living overseas is, if you have some flexibility in your job, you can go over for extended visits and get some really good quality time with the grandparents--where they set time aside and go on trips and days out with you. That is also nice in its own way. If you are in Europe, you should be able to go back at least a couple of times a year, no? y
As for schooling--consider the possibility of supporting your child in English at home while they attend local schools. Being bilingual in another language is a huge boon for children. And it's hard to do in the UK, even if your husband speaks another language to the children at home; English speaking countries are very hard for maintaining a minority home language in, whereas doing "English as a home language" while attending school in German or Spanish is very easy to do.
I think it's very natural to feel a bit of sadness and nostalgia when your kids are at school in a different culture. Part of you wants to see your child reliving your experiencesdoing the "nativity play," dress up days, the Autumn Festival, British assemblies with terrible corny songs..... all that kind of thing. I get it, I do. But (at the risk of repeating myself) it's not worth it for a lifestyle that you are OTHERWISE not happy with, and it's likely that the reality will not match up to your memories or expectationsso many things about the UK are different from when we were children.
I enjoy my UK trips very much, but I come back as a tourist and during the nicest weather! I see the best of the country. I'm aware that the reality of UK life is not great right now, what with soaring prices/cost of living, the housing crisis, Europe's most expensive childcare, a really bad healthcare service situation, and a bunch of other things.
The horrid weather and constant RAIN RAIN RAIN for 80% of the year would also get me down SO much. It makes things so hard and expensive when you have little kids, if you can't just tumble out of doors to the park/beach with a picnic all the time. So much of your free time you wind up either stuck at home, or have to spend a fortune on expensive leisure facilities of some kind, or the only cheap indoor day-out option is one of those soft-play places that smell of wee and stale chip pan fat. OK, I'm exaggerating a bit, but you know what I mean.

Your mindset is not in the right place because you don't want to move back, you are only doing it because you think you should.

Does your mum want you to move back? I know mine doesn't

You say in your op both places have their positives and negatives, I suspect you are far more aware of the positives where you live now and the negatives of the UK.

I was born in a different country far away from the UK with the lifestyle you describe now. Nothing would make male me move back. There's so much good in the UK, you have to want to see it.

If you really must move back maybe tell yourself it will only be for 10 years or so and perhaps you can return to where you are in the future. Nothing is forever.

I wonder about the same thing. My parents in the UK are getting older and with a child about to leave primary school I think about how difficult it would be to fit in if we need to move back.
For me its been 17 years away in NZ . I love the lifestyle here , being at the beach and on bush walks , bbqs and just the more laid back approach to things.

Things I worry about are things like how competitive the schooling seems to be- testing of children etc with too much focus on academics rather than the whole person .

i don’t think you can generalise about people in the Uk - it’s too big. I know that when I visit friends in the Uk, they seem to spend time - walking in nature , going camping, bring creative , occasional theatre and film festivals , having friends round, walking their dogs , growing veg , hardly spending it going to shopping centres and going out on the town- they’re family focussed now and life is different .

So i know I’d find a place where people are less status driven etc.

I moved back to the UK after living abroad and was happy with that decision. However, had I known about brexit and the xenophobia it created, what’s happening to the NHS and education, I would have moved to Europe about 10 years ago. Now I have split with my ex and the kids only speak English it is impossible.

I hope the country turns around soon. Hopefully the hatred stirring tories will get kicked out and we can get the country back on track.

I am born and bred British, and in my 60's. You sound as if you are somewhere between late 20's and early 40's as your children sound as if they are still quite young?

I think that my age must be relevant, as to me, England at least (I have only ever lived in England, but have holidayed in the other UK Countries and enjoy all of them) has got progressively worse over the years, and Covid has not helped with that at all!

There are many jobs vacant in hospitality, so service, or even the availability of booking a table at one of the pubs or restaurants that have managed to stay open after the Pandemic, can be rather haphazard. Many government offices (particularly local government ones) are still not fully open, and Covid is apparently increasing again, so things may be shutting down again, or closing early as staffing levels across the board are getting ridiculous. If you want and expect to see a GP forget that, if you do manage it, then you have probably struggled up a steep hill to do so. If you have popped back here in the last few months to see patents etc, then you might not have noticed how dismal things still are - and they were going down hill before Covid anyway.

The cost of living here is prohibitive and getting worse, but that might be the same where you are, you hopefully haven't been too affected by Brexit, but the Russian attack on Ukraine is I believe affecting a lot of the World, not just the UK, or even Europe? I think your education system would have to be particularly lacking (especially if you use International Schools, as in the past many of them have been excellent), to think that the UK's system would be any better, they have suffered dreadfully over Covid, and certainly haven't returned to pre Covid standards yet.

A few of the posters on your thread OP, have talked about surfing, and BBQ's at the weekend, imo that is as rare for normal weekends as you would expect it to be OP. I am not doubting that that is their lifestyle, I just don't think it is a common one. We have started a few days of lovely weather that are expected to turn into a heatwave as the week progresses, but as you must be able to remember, that is not the norm in the UK!

I have lived in two seaside towns OP, one on the South Coast and it was amazing, but even then, it was only the very hardy, and very committed few, that made outdoor activities a year round thing, especially if they had young children. The life I see being led by my adult children and Grandchildren, and other friends and relatives, is usually just about how you described it, except as a PP pointed out, many of the high street shops have closed down now, and online shopping has taken off big time, with apparently Amazon as king!

Your posts OP make me think that you probably live in a European Country that borders the Mediterranean, maybe Italy or even Greece, but with Spain and Southern France as obvious contenders too. I am wondering if where you live also still stops for siestas, as that does suggest a more laid back lifestyle, swimming pools as normal, and flexible working hours. If you live in any of those places - even Greece, you can return to the UK quickly and easily, without it costing you a fortune (except of course for Covid, strikes, price hikes etc, but hopefully they will get more back to normalish, soonish!).

But what strikes me most about your post OP is that you sound very happy there, and settled, you love the lifestyle, please don't give all that up. If my children lived happily abroad like you do, I would hate them to give up their wonderful lifestyle for me, and so would their Dad. If your parents are well enough to travel, spending longish holidays in the winter with, or close to you where you live now, would probably be so much better for both their health and enjoyment, and you could hopefully spend at least a couple of weeks with them here, in the summer. I would not be well enough to fly to see my children, but I would still hate them to give up a lifestyle like yours (and who knows when I or their Dad will die, and they could be stuck here then, trying not to resent us for them giving up such a lovely lifestyle that they and my Grandchildren would have benefitted from greatly). Selfishly, I don't want to go to my grave feeling guilty for my children upheaving their lives for me and their Dad.

We are having lovely weather at the moment but the grey skies which we usually have are very, very depressing . We want to move abroad when my husband retires as I don’t want a life of staying indoors. Also the cost of living here is now ridiculous 😞

Don’t come back. You seem to have a nice style. I think you will regret it; if you are in Europe you are close enough to visit.

I have been in the UK for 15 years and it was ok for the first 10 but now I just want an easier pace of life, good weather, being closer to the sea, nature. I feel a bit trapped because of work and children education and started to feel a bit down, it is crushing my soul a bit. I don’t want my life to be work only. We have plenty of holiday but is not enough

By the way, you are probably in Spain if both parents were at a party on a Tuesday afternoon. I am not sure they work much in certain parts of Spain, they have a very relaxed life in certain parts of Spain.