Will I be able to return to U.K. life

[Blippimakesyouhyper]

Have lived abroad for many years, travelled lots etc. We’re due to return to live in the U.K. after Christmas. Mainly due to wanting dc, 3 to be closer to grandparents and have British schooling.
The lifestyles are worlds apart, between both places, both places have their negatives & positives.
I just really thought about it the other day when we were attending a friends birthday party, nearly all dads were there too aswell as mums…it was a random Tuesday in the middle of the day. It was hot and sunny, cocktails, playing in the pool etc.
When we go back, we don’t have the same job flexibility as many do here and I can’t see Dh being off in the middle of the day and attending parties and so on.
Beginning to worry I’ll feel trapped and hemmed in

You have grown up now so your life would be different. I barely ever watch TV, drink or go shopping (beyond essentials) - there is much more to life in the UK.

@Blippimakesyouhyper but there are lots of WFH jobs now in uk and flexible working in many jobs now compared to what their was
And obviously people That own their own businesses will possibly have more flexible hrs wherever they live in the world

@UndertheCedartree That’s it…I’d be returning older, with a family. I did so much when younger-clubs, pubs etc and had a wide circle of friends, but still remember feeling quite depressed & trapped…I’d hate to make the wrong decision
But perhaps there would be much more to do now?
Having said that, the upbringing here for our dc is amazing

You also talk about a lot of people being materialistic yet mention you were at a party midweek with cocktails and a pool??

@worriedatthistime Thats true…it’s just a situation I can’t imagine in the U.K., but obviously I’m remembering it from a different time

Why come back then if life is so good ? Just visit parents or would they even consider moving to you ?
That said your being very general assuming all people in the uk live exactly the same life
All go fo work 9-5 then come home and watch tv, which simply is not true
Life is what you make it
There is plenty to do in the uk of you want to go and do things

@worriedatthistime Its more about enjoyment of life and quality of life rather than spending weekends doing up your house or shopping for clothes every weekend. It’s not massively unusual to have a pool where I am, you don’t need to be v wealthy in the same way you do in the U.K.

@worriedatthistime Im just remembering when I was there, I was so much younger but still saw that all around me and lived a similar lifestyle. It became suffocating

There are parts I miss so much of course and part of me wonders if I could’ve been much happier and could potentially be missing out on so much by not being back over there

@Blippimakesyouhyper you def are out of touch now as shopping for clothes every weekend would be difficult as we don't have many high streets shops left
This weekend we have been surfing , paddelboarding and had a bbq in the garden
We are an outdoorsy active family so often are out doing things

So its very much about what you make it
But really if your all happy and doing well where you are Im not sure I would give that up

@worriedatthistime That sounds ideal, I can adapt to a life like that, but how often can you do that?( I’m thinking weather?) you must live by the coast?

It sounds like if you move back to the UK you would need to find new friends. If you would be so unhappy wouldn't it be better to consider staying where you are and having extended trips to visit family every few months?

I can't give advice about moving home but my parents were getting on and I was in the fortunate position of being able to take early retirement. I spent quality time with them, in a relationship that changed a bit from parents/ daughter to friends. I could be on hand to keep an eye on them and help them out. I have always ppbeen grateful that I had those great times with them.

I think people in the uk tend to talk about houses more because the weather keeps us inside more. Haha. But I can assure you, though I love shopping and telly, I don't talk to friends about it. There's so much more going in in the uk. But if your heart's not in coming home, you will always find reasons not to. It must be hard to be so torn.

Times have changed quite a lot, I think you have a slightly dated view of the UK. Where I grew up in my teens the area I lived was very much how you seem to recall it, it is a lot less so now. I didn’t want that so when I was leaving home I moved, but within England, to a totally different part of the country where that is absolutely not the lifestyle. This weekend has been beach, various sports as a family and bbq (with paddling pool rather than actual pool though!). Lots of flexible working and soooooo many dads on the school run etc

I’m sorry but I think that’s entirely down to you and your friends. We don’t just ‘do our house up’ and shop. I actually don’t know anyone who does that. We live near the Lakes so have just spent the afternoon swimming and walking, then had a fire on the shore and cooked tea, you clearly need new friends.

I think you just need new friends. My friends have my values which are not shopping and celebrities. I lived abroad for most of my 20s, the last couple of years in China and Hong Kong, and it's a different lifestyle for sure, but this was before I had kids. 45 now, left 15 years ago! I still miss it but it was the right call. Most important thing is the right place here for home, work and friends, and good community to raise your family.

We did this a few years ago, relocated from DW's home country to mine. Previously I'd lived overseas for about a decade. My reasons were that I wasn't comfortable starting a family in a foreign country and that I was very concerned about that country's political path. Point one is impossible to prove, but subsequent events prove I was pretty much spot on about point two.

A lot depends on why you left in the first place. If you moved because you didn't much like life in the UK, it probably hasn't changed all that much. Whatever you disliked then will likely still annoy and the weather is still crap. If you moved because you fancied doing something more adventurous (which was pretty much my story) I'd assume that's not so much of an issue.

The big thing, IMHO, is not to focus on what's missing but think about what's there (also the best advice I heard about expat life). We went from a big, vibrant city with a multi-million population to Durham (which, for all its qualities, is none of the above). I could moan that we can no longer choose between four opera houses, world class ballet, about 10 pro sports teams and a diverse live music scene for our evening's entertainment. Or we can revel in the fact that 20 minutes takes us to some fantastic coastline. Or into beautiful woodland. An hour has us deep in the North Pennines. 30 mins takes us to Newcastle, which offers a decent range of culture and entertainment (but not sport - I'm a Sunderland fan!). DW misses big city life more than I do, but we both have to keep in mind that childfree life in a big city is not the same as trying to arrange nights out with a small child to consider.

It's different, but it still works - and I'd suggest that's the mindset you'll need to adopt. You'll drive yourself mad if you're forever thinking 'this wouldn't have happened in xxx' or 'what would I be doing now if we were still in xxx'. It seems like you did that very well when you left, so there's no logical reason why you can't do it on returning to the UK.

Life is what you make of it and the people you choose to spend time with. I live in the UK and paddle board and wild swim all year round except in winter. I get the right equipment and the right friends to do it with. I'm very much an outdoors person, I have kids and they are to. I do most of my shopping online and work part time with my Dh and live a rather simple life.

The state of the UK at the moment I wouldn't come back, could you move nearer but to just across the channel?

I lived abroad for 10 years and made three times my U.K. salary. I came back for dc, grandparents etc but it wasn’t worth it. I wouldn’t rush back in this economy.

If you are only in a European country then I would stay put - book a few trips back a year and parents over to you. It seems that you are only moving back for the education system - your child is 3 …. you could make that move back to the U.K. at anytime in the next decade and your child would be fine.

if you like the lifestyle, the people and the values where you live why change that?

100% agree - wouldn’t walk into this messy economy if I had the choice?

I’m from indonesia and now living in the uk for 10 years. Its hard. Living in the uk is boring and very individual. Very different back home. the weather, the sea, everything is different. I never feel home here. But the education for my DC much better, also healthcare. So i stayed. Its hard but you will go through it.

Most Dads attend parties here too??

Every single Dad has been at every kids party I've been to since DC started reception last year. And there has been around 1-2 every month.