Taxi sharing with male friend

[Novasmum]

Looking for perspective over this situation.
For context mixed gender friendship group and myself are mid to late 20s and socialise on weekends by dinner then drinking in the town centre. I share a taxi home with 1/2 of my male friends as we live close. Taxi ride home is as such.

Same way until a roundabout.

Turn off 1 is 3 minutes away from male friends house
Turn off 2 is 5 minutes away from my house
Distance between is about 4 minutes.

Lately I have been requesting to be dropped off first which puts male friend slightly out of the way. But he has started complaining. I have explained after drinking I am uncomfortable being a woman alone in taxi and that it would be really appreciated and safer if I was dropped first. He does not understand this at all.

Do I need to grow up and accept him being dropped off first or is he being unreasonable in not understanding his privilege as a man not having to take his safety into consideration with things like this? Thank you

Whoever lives nearest should be dropped off first. If you don't trust your friends don't share taxis with them.

It makes sense he is dropped off first.

Can you arrange for your friend to text you 5m later/stay on the phone so you feel more safe?

@ilovesooty wasn't the point more not trusting random taxi drivers rather than her friend, that's why she'd want him to be there longer?

YANBU. Irks me when males don't understand their privilege in feeling safe.

What would you do if your friend wasn’t around one evening? Would you stay home rather than take a taxi home alone? I think YABU to feel entitled to be dropped off first although for such a short distance it wouldn’t kill your friend to just go along with it because it will make you feel better.

Possibly - I read 1-2 male friends which might have confused me.

I still think that the person who lives nearest should be dropped off first. Perhaps the OP should be careful about drinking if she feels unsafe in a taxi too.

It’s random taxi drivers I do not trust.
I do not go out alone if this friend is not there to share a taxi as a safety precaution.

Also, Sabina Nessa was murdered on what was supposed to be a 5 minute walk.

I think if you really want the comfort of his company, it would be fair to be dropped off first but to pay as if you had been dropped off last.

I happily get a cab home on my own as I usually get an Uber so traceable, and usually tell my husband when I’m leaving (although sometimes I forget!). My male friends would offer to drop me first, but if it was out the way then I would definitely offer to make up the difference in cost, and I would probably refuse if they had to go out of their way just to drop me first. Out of interest, what would happen if you got a cab home with two other women who lived in different directions, is there a hierarchy then?

I'm not sure on this. I can understand why you feel how you do though. Is there a particular reason it's bothering your friend? Are you paying more of the taxi cost for the increased journey time and if not, could this be why he's brought it up?

We take it in turns paying the entire Uber each week. So money isn’t the issue.

The sole issue is he doesn’t understand why I feel unsafe in a taxi with a random man at night. To be honest, drinking or not if I was getting a taxi home at night I would still worry about safety.

It can be unnerving for you. Can you both take turns on who is dropped off first? Then you could arrange to be on the phone to him or someone else for the rest of the journey home? This is what I used to do. I would phone my friend whilst they were in the taxi and then once they stepped out, I would then just have a random chat with them until I paid and got into my house. There was only one time that I felt very nervous so whilst chatting, I sent the drivers info to my friend and from them on, I would take note of the registration plate.

Take a photo of the licence plate and the cab driver and tell him you’ve done that and posted to a friend. I do that if I ever feel slightly uncomfortable with a taxi driver. I explain very clearly that it’s nothing personal I’m just doing it so I don’t worry during the ride. I haven’t had a bad response yet.

How do you split the cost? If it costs him no more then surely it isn't a problem

Ok but you are increasing the cost for them if you are asking for this when they pay. I'm not saying I don't understand where you're coming from, but I think if you're putting someone else at an inconvenience, you should be footing the cost of that.

What happens when you go out with just female friends?

I think the nearest person should be dropped off first. I would be fine being in a taxi by myself.

Just offer to pay the extra and get dropped off first

Surely an Uber is pretty safe? I really don't think it's reasonable to expect to be dropped off first all the time when you live further away.

I often end up in a taxi on my own as the last house on the route home, it's part of life....I think you abu, you can't spend the rest of your life being protected by males from every perceived risk in life.

“What would you do if your friend wasn’t around one evening? Would you stay home rather than take a taxi home alone? I think YABU to feel entitled to be dropped off first”

^Yep I agree with this

It’s taxi drivers she doesn’t want to be alone in a car with, not her friends. She wants to be dropped off first because she doesn’t want to be in a taxi without her friends.

Yes I've realised that now. I still don't think she's being reasonable.

Of course it's costing more regardless of the fact that you pay it all one week and they pay it all the next. The total would be less if they went the other way. If I wanted the taxi to go the long way for my benefit I would be paying the difference.

OP, I do think your friend is a bit insensitive to be quite so dismissive of your concerns, but I also think you are being unnecessarily fearful. Do you never get a taxi with female friends? Or alone? Why do you think taxi drivers are more dangerous than any other man you might find yourself alone with, exactly?

Also, the fact that you take it in turns to pay for the taxi is neither here nor there. If you always want to be dropped off first, the taxi is still costing your friend more than necessary whenever it’s his turn to pay.

@ilovesooty Yeah, same.